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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to leave my children with a random babysitter

146 replies

ManorHall7 · 13/10/2023 17:15

So family evening out suggested a few weeks ago, my DC are 11 and 7. We have very few babysitting options generally. So struggle with eves out.

We thought we could DH auntie but she is 75 (has sat for us lots but she can't make it) the date is next week. I explained in chat we might need to pull out DSis says she has a number of a good sitter, I said thank you but no.

She's got the hump. I feel uncomfortable leaving my children with someone we have never met or they have met ? Especially with a weeks notice. We disagree on a few things, she left her 6yr, 3 and 2 year old with my neice who is 13 for an evening and i disagreed saying she was to young for 3 that young.

For context also we lost DMil early Jan, DH has struggled and we have had a very tough year and so have they.

Am I being precious or should I just start doing this sort of thing now ?

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 13/10/2023 22:49

Iadoretoread · 13/10/2023 17:30

I wonder where their anxious stems from...

I was going to ask the same thing

Original poster
ManorHall7 · 13/10/2023 22:58

WandaWonder · 13/10/2023 22:49

I was going to ask the same thing

Show quote history

Read the whole thread

OP posts:
Original poster
ManorHall7 · 13/10/2023 23:00

Kay286 · 13/10/2023 22:42

I have a friend who is the same way - won’t use a local babysitter (high school kid - recommended done loads of times for other families ) instead constantly asks and goes round various groups of friends, who work all week and don’t want to be imposed on looking after other people’s kids ! It’s so annoying.
stop being precious meet the sitter for half and hour or so during the week see how she interacts with your kids and pay someone to babysit, rather than asking your family/friendship circle who may not actually want to do it.

My family circle certainly wouldnt do it if they didn't want to. It's not precious it's about my children being comfortable too.

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 13/10/2023 23:00

I agree with you. Wouldn’t have left ours with a stranger either. Go with your gut.

Circumferences · 13/10/2023 23:11

Newpeopleno · 13/10/2023 18:19

AIBU?

Yes

No I’m not

😂 yy

StarlightLime · 13/10/2023 23:15

ManorHall7 · 13/10/2023 17:32

The fact they lost their much adored nan in January, the fact they have seen their dad completely broken by this and their parents struggle with this as a marriage. The fact both of them are having help still from all of this.

They have previously been left l, stayed overnight at places.

Show quote history

That's a reason to be sad, certainly. Not anxious; nine months later.

Nosleepforthismum · 13/10/2023 23:16

Well I think most people would prefer a personally recommended babysitter rather than one found on a website so I’d be genuinely grateful for the recommendation.

Obviously it’s your decision, and it sounds as though your mind is made up anyway, but I suspect your kids would be fine and a lot of this is your anxiety about leaving them. Which I completely get. I got our first babysitter to do a 2 hour trial while we went to the pub 4 doors down and I was an anxious wreck leaving both kids under 2 and spent the entire time watching my phone and counting down the minutes.

In hindsight it was complete overkill and getting her over an hour before we left the house for a night out would have been plenty of time for introductions to the kids and to run through instructions. I never thought my son would go to sleep for anyone else but the little sod did! If you want to go to this event, I would do the above. Make it sound super fun for your kids (pizza for tea and an extra hour on your iPad or whatever) and let them get excited about it. I used to love our babysitters as a kid.

Kay286 · 13/10/2023 23:19

You used the words precious in your question - I replied and thought you were.
why would they be so uncomfortable? Meet the teen first, get them playing some games and having fun …. All
kids I know left with sitters have a blast.
You’re children will have to go through life meeting and be cared for by people unknown (new teachers etc ) I’m not sure what trauma you think this may cause but feel it’s over the top tbh…. And constantly shielding them from this will prolong and reinforce it surely.
Can’t go through life being scared of everyone, espec a fun teenager that will most likely provide your kids some entertainment

Alltheyearround · 13/10/2023 23:20

I was never happy with the random person babysitting thing OP. I did it once when DS was a baby but felt really bad. We used to get one of the lasses from nursery in the end who we knew and trusted.

DH thought I was mad but I stuck to my position. Easier to prevent harm than undo it.

Original poster
ManorHall7 · 14/10/2023 07:28

StarlightLime · 13/10/2023 23:15

That's a reason to be sad, certainly. Not anxious; nine months later.

Show quote history

In your opinion. Luckily professionals agree that it is a reason

OP posts:
Ovaltiner · 14/10/2023 08:14

We started using babysitters (through a recommended local agency) when my eldest DC was 8, then youngest 2). Prior to that we had hardly any time out due to similar concerns. No family locally to help out and friends were not comfortable with 3.

Frankly, I regret not doing it sooner. Children loved having someone young and fun to play with, it was a lifeline for me and DH and my autistic eldest was so happy to have someone new to talk to (like many, she is far more confident talking to other children/adults than children her own age).

Conversely, it has taken a long time for DC4 to adapt to anything outside his comfort zone as we didn't use external sitters due to Covid.

Entirely up to you but in my experience, it was a real benefit to my DC and I have seen the flip side of fewer people looking after them.

And as PP have said, lots of us don't have any other option. We don't all have family locally.

Fogwisp · 14/10/2023 08:54

All these people refusing to read the op and instead pretending she has an issue with using a babysitter she's actually had time to meet or even had time to introduce to the children and try out first!

LesleyConroy · 14/10/2023 08:57

ManorHall7 · 13/10/2023 17:15

So family evening out suggested a few weeks ago, my DC are 11 and 7. We have very few babysitting options generally. So struggle with eves out.

We thought we could DH auntie but she is 75 (has sat for us lots but she can't make it) the date is next week. I explained in chat we might need to pull out DSis says she has a number of a good sitter, I said thank you but no.

She's got the hump. I feel uncomfortable leaving my children with someone we have never met or they have met ? Especially with a weeks notice. We disagree on a few things, she left her 6yr, 3 and 2 year old with my neice who is 13 for an evening and i disagreed saying she was to young for 3 that young.

For context also we lost DMil early Jan, DH has struggled and we have had a very tough year and so have they.

Am I being precious or should I just start doing this sort of thing now ?

I'm with you, I'd never do this if that means I don't go out then I don't go out. I don't leave my kids with ransoms either OP.

Nicesalad · 14/10/2023 08:59

Does your sister know the babysitter? In that case she isn't "a random". But you obviously don't have to use her if you feel uncomfortable about it.

Perhaps you could have a video call with her at some point if you don't have time to meet up?

DemBonesDemBones · 14/10/2023 09:09

Not only is 13 old enough to babysit siblings, 11 is too. You're over the top.

DemBonesDemBones · 14/10/2023 09:10

Just red further and you say your kids are anxious. Go figure.

bloodyeffinnora · 14/10/2023 09:18

there's no way I would leave my kids with a total stranger, I just wouldn't go.

Original poster
ManorHall7 · 14/10/2023 20:16

DemBonesDemBones · 14/10/2023 09:09

Not only is 13 old enough to babysit siblings, 11 is too. You're over the top.

I wouldn't leave my DD when she was 13 in charge of her 9 year old brother sorry. Especially not for an eve out

OP posts:
Lamelie · 14/10/2023 20:25

ManorHall7 · 13/10/2023 17:18

No. Nothing to do with that. But if they are already slightly anxious children I don't see how this would help.

Show quote history

Very gently if your kids are anxious maybe it’s because you are. I’d leave mine home alone at that age- not all day or until late at night but to run errands etc. And my 12 yo babysat.
If their mother won’t leave them with a recommended stranger they’re learning that the world is a dangerous place.

renthelp · 14/10/2023 22:58

I don't understand why you're asking tbh when it sounds like you've already decided and won't hear otherwise HmmHalo

SwiftieGrainger · 14/10/2023 23:05

I'd never ever ever do this. I think you're right OP.

Shinyandnew1 · 14/10/2023 23:09

If we didn’t have babysitters when the kids were little but it was a family do, only one of us went. Can’t you do that, @ManorHall7 ?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/10/2023 23:19

Can’t the one of you whose family it is just go? If there’s no one you’d trust to babysit. Doesn’t have to be both of you staying home.

vapesareforsnakes · 14/10/2023 23:19

Ohhh God just stay in then!

ladykale · 14/10/2023 23:26

How is it different to leaving them at a new extra-curricular club with an adult you don't know?

Based on their ages, yes you are definitely being precious