Not to leave my children with a random babysitter

[ManorHall7]

So family evening out suggested a few weeks ago, my DC are 11 and 7. We have very few babysitting options generally. So struggle with eves out.

We thought we could DH auntie but she is 75 (has sat for us lots but she can't make it) the date is next week. I explained in chat we might need to pull out DSis says she has a number of a good sitter, I said thank you but no.

She's got the hump. I feel uncomfortable leaving my children with someone we have never met or they have met ? Especially with a weeks notice. We disagree on a few things, she left her 6yr, 3 and 2 year old with my neice who is 13 for an evening and i disagreed saying she was to young for 3 that young.

For context also we lost DMil early Jan, DH has struggled and we have had a very tough year and so have they.

Am I being precious or should I just start doing this sort of thing now ?

You're speaking from the privilege position of not having to make that choice though. You can't say you'd be so certain if you were a single mum needing childcare with no family support.

Yes they would; people told me to look on gumtree for a babysitter 🤣

The alternative would be to book the new babysitter for an hour while you're present or leave the children with the babysitter for an hour and see how it goes, so that when you need the babysitter for a long evening out the children have already met him or her and get on. The OP isn't able to do this at short notice as it's a busy week.

Well, we also found ourselves in situations where one parent was traveling and the other had a late meeting or class. It wasn't always for socializing. Without babysitters we’d have been stuffed.

It’s nice to hear that so many people do have family members willing to babysit though, we didn’t!

I can’t think of anyone I know who used babysitters. I don’t even think I’d know where to find one tbh. Certainly no teenagers advertising in the local shops or anything and no other parents I know use one certainly wouldn’t be booking a rando off the internet.

So no Yanbu I wouldn’t be using some stranger and my youngest is the same age.

This is what I'd do. I get that some people are happy just to have a stranger turn up, but I'd rather do it this way and simply have maybe two short babysitting sessions first, before a long night out. I don't think the OP is unreasonable to want that too, rather than just have someone her children haven't met turn up.

Who do they use to babysit, @OhmygodDont ?

We have done the thing of checking references and then getting them to come for an hour or so to get to know the kids, usually we leave for a walk around the block or similar.

Our kids have always been fine with it. They don't have anxiety issues and are used to childcare.

Actually quite surprised by this thread - normally Mumsnet is pretty anti babysitter

I wouldn't leave my kids with a sitter they didn't know either. Your decision.

Yanbu
You are the mother so it’s your choice and no one else’s.

I wouldn’t do it either unless, I was absolutely sure about the babysitter.

Your choice to live a limited life because of illogical fears, but thousands of people use 'random' babysitters

I used to be one of those 'randos', and I have used those 'randos', all turned out ok for everyone involved

The voting says otherwise it's nearly 50/50 split. On the face of it I feel like the whole your kids are old enough, babysitter comes recommended should add up to leaving your kids with the sitter and going out, but I would absolutely make the same choice as you.

She wouldn't be a stranger if you took 20 minutes out of your day to meet her before the big night. And she's not literally some random, she's recommended by your sister.
Why are your children so anxious?

Or use a baby sitting agency

Yanbu, if you’re not comfortable leaving them with a babysitter, don’t do it.

We have a few trusted friends we ask and swap babysitting favours with, but that’s it. No family nearby/alive. It does limit how much we go out etc but I’m happy with our choice for now! Also rather skint so can’t afford to pay for babysitters anyway!

A recommended sitter is the best kind as you need to start somewhere if using family isn’t an option. Your kids are also old enough that I doubt they’ll need much sitting anyway, just need telling to go to bed.

I've used complete strangers several times

Completely agree with you OP. I wouldn't feel happy leaving my children with a recommended babysitter - it would have to be someone I had known for a while, regardless of children's ages. Don't feel pressurised into this.

I've had this discussion with my friend. I would never leave my primary school aged kid with a stranger for a variety of reasons; she on the other hand, leaves hers with whoever is available. My kid doesn't like having random people around, would be very unhappy with being left with anyone he doesn't know well. Her kid seems to be happy being left with whoever, not bothered at all. And I think both of us right as we both know our kids and know what would work for them! Its down to you OP. You are the person who knows best in this situation!

I've used random sitters off the Bubble app a few times OP. They're DPS checked, verified identity etc, reviews and details on their background etc. Quite a few are teachers or nursery workers. They've all been excellent with my kids. The last one even defused a tantrum in minutes with DD who is usually very tricky to bring round!

Worth having a look and seeing if that's something you'd be more comfortable with. If they have 10+ reviews saying they were excellent, gives you some peace of mind. Not the cheapest though!

It's a bit sad to go through life thinking every one is a danger

If this was family, I would go and leave DH at home. I wouldn't book a sitter the kids didn't know, particularly for when they are awake. They wouldn't particularly like it and fair enough. Of course if it was for something important then I would consider another plan but I wouldn't want to make my kids uncomfortable for a 'normal' evening out.

You don't want to go. Your kids aren't babies, there is no reason a recommended babysitter wouldn't be fine. You disagree (clearly) with how she parents, and judge her for it. So just say no and stop trying to justify you don't want to

I have a friend who is the same way - won’t use a local babysitter (high school kid - recommended done loads of times for other families ) instead constantly asks and goes round various groups of friends, who work all week and don’t want to be imposed on looking after other people’s kids ! It’s so annoying.
stop being precious meet the sitter for half and hour or so during the week see how she interacts with your kids and pay someone to babysit, rather than asking your family/friendship circle who may not actually want to do it.