To split the family for Christmas?

[HelenHen]

I'm from another country, living in England. Husband is English. We live near his family and see them often. They are lovely... BUT... when I moved we said we'd travel to my country every second year for Christmas, as its massive in my family. In 11 years, this has happened once.

Earlier this year, he said several times that we'd go to my country for Christmas. It was agreed. Then a month ago, he said how work was getting very difficult. He has a huge deadline in January. He said he can't go because he'll need to do a lot of work over Christmas. Money is a bit of an issue this year and his job pays well. He will get a bonus in January if the deadline is met.

I had kind of accepted that... but now I think I should take the DC's by myself. I told him that and he's obviously upset but kinda understands. Hes asked if we should give DS11 a choice and i just take DD9. So it's all on me whether I split the family or not. If it was a one off, I wouldn't do it, but every year there's a different excuse and I'm miserable every Christmas away from my family.

So... AIBU?

Hang on. You both agreed to go away for Christmas and then he says he won't go. That sound like him splitting the family, not you anyway. Then it sounds like he's trying to shift responsibility to you DCs

Agree with everyone else on this - but adding that by you and the dc going away for a good spell over Christmas he'll have a good long stretch to work undisturbed on his important project. So when you come back it'll be finished and you can set up a second Christmas with him fully involved as well.
As for Christmas only being one day (all that commercial razzmatazz and shopping frenzy for just one day...! ) Well it is in the UK, but not everywhere - perhaps where the OP comes from? With a daughter living in Lanzarote (yes I know! :-) ) and a son in the NL I know Christmas takes different and richer forms and is spread over a much longer time (- a topic for another time). So perhaps it's more important to her family.

Take them both. If he agreed and isn't keeping his end up then that is not your fault. Kids deserve to see both families and have other experiences. As time goes on, you don't want to become resentful because you always waited for him to be able to do things when he is ready or when he says it's ok. My mother did the same and she is bitter now and can't get the time back. You're only separating your family because he won't go... Nope! Deffo take them and have a great time!!

Second the ‘Ireland!!’ comments. To be fair I’d imagined Italy or Poland, Germany. But Ireland is ridiculous. You need to have a serious conversation with him. It’s not acceptable and highly doubtful he’d be working on Xmas Eve or Xmas Day. He could literally go for 3 days.

Exactly. I’m foreign and we still manage to do Christmases 50/50 and even if we stay in the U.K., sometimes my Mum comes to stay with us. Then in the summer, we do a longer trip to my home country. We don’t really go on other holidays abroad, so can use our money on this, but my husband would also never suggest anything like this and I would never accept it. He married me and that means he married my culture and home country, just as I did his.

Please take both of them. The kids will think you chose even if u give them the choice. Take them both please.