AIBU to ask to bring my baby to a wedding?

[Xandria22]

My oldest friend is getting married in December and I just got the invite. It has mine and DH name on it not our 3 kids. This is absolutely not a problem. Who wants to party when you have kids!

We are only invited to the night do (I think it’s a very small day do) and I have messaged her to ask if I can bring the baby who will be 4 months old as he is exclusively breastfed. My message basically said ‘if it fits in with your wedding plans could we bring the baby as he is completely breastfed and we wouldn’t be able to leave him for that long. If it’s a problem we won’t be able to come to the wedding but we won’t be offended we would understand and wish you all the best’

We live an hour away and have nobody nearby who we can leave the baby with. She hasn’t replied to me but when I reached out to another friend she has said that the bride is not happy with my request.

The hen do is next week and I’m a bit apprehensive (more so because DH is coming to the hotel where it is being held with the baby in a room so he can phone me when to feed him).

I thought I was being completely reasonable. She could say no babies/children and that would have been done. Am I missing something?

I don't think you needed to word it differently, if you are long term friends there shouldn't be a need to tip toe around each other.

Does she know your DH and baby are going to the hen location? Not every bride would be keen on that either!

I think if a bride has an issue with this then they are a bit of a bridezilla. I assume that the OPs DH would be off doing something else with the baby, turning up nearby when due for a feed, OP would excuse herself briefly then rejoin the group. Different if she DH and baby are joining the group and gatecrashing the hen do.

If you're inviting somebody with a young BF baby you have to expect these things, of expect them just to not come.
If the baby was 9 - 12 months I'd be wondering why they hadn't done any sort of practice around taking a bottle but at this baby's age it is reasonable, their feeding pattern may also be more sporadic.

You seem to have a better choice in husbands than best friends.

Your best friend seems weak, vain and selfish.

All 30+ of them.

Strange, isn't it.

Imagine having your wedding the way you want it. Selfish or what 😱😱

@ThanksItHasPockets Obviously with closer friends/family we know their children's names. There are old school friends etc who had children but we hadn't seen them for a long time/ hadn't met the kids.

I just think surely it's easier to explicitly state on the invitation if it's adults only. I mean, why wouldn't you just put that to clear up any confusion?

OP was not wrong to ask. The bride is being very immature to not even respond.

Why is it weak, vain and selfish not to want children/babies at your wedding, which is something you are paying for and one of the only events focused solely on your and your partner?

Frazzledandfried sounds like you dodged a bullet. Honestly people get so wrapped up in their weddings that they do forget about things that truly matter. Personally I'd rather keep my friendships intact than have an insta-perfect wedding day. I've known many a long term friendship that has been ruined because of requests like the one that was made of you, all for one day.

I have a similar aged EBF DC and I think you're being very unreasonable to take your husband and baby along to the hen do location

Just politely the decline the wedding invite and ask to see her after the wedding for a little celebration/toast. Asking to tote your baby with you on the hen do and to the adult only wedding smacks of entitlement

So what if Jeff and sue have 6 children and Steve and Karen have 3 etc etc they can all just rock up ? Does your venue not need to know numbers I would have thought so.

And how can you not know the names of your friends children?

I was waiting for the "insta perfect" comment 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

I had a child free wedding and I'm not on Instagram. Just because it's going against what some perceive to be the norm doesn't mean it's for vain or vacuous reasons. They literally just don't want kids at a party.

It's not, but it's pretty rude to just not respond to a simple message about bringing a baby to a wedding. She should just own her decision and say no if that's the answer, rather than not responding and then complaining about OP to another friend. That's just weird.

Not inviting children does not have to be related to being 'instaperfect', some folk just prefer a child free celebration - that's their choice!

YANBU. I don't see your message as emotionally manipulative either. If she says you can't bring your baby you can't come. It's just the truth.

Why has she started moaning about it with another friend instead of getting back to you. I think she is unreasonable. She should just confirm that no your baby can't come.

Sorry, no, that's no less weird. If I know you well enough to invite to my wedding then I know you well enough to have been told your baby's name when they were born and to have sent a card or gift. I do have to double-check the names and corresponding birth order for friends who have three or more children but I will always do this, even for those who live very far away and I have never physically met.

The way you worded your request was entirely reasonable. IMO she’s the one who’s being U to take the slightest offence. She could just have said, Sorry, but no babies either, because other people who have babies will be pissed off if I allow one, but not theirs. I’m sorry you won’t be able to come.

Sounds as if you’re well out of it TBH.

Yes, they included them on the RSVP so we knew numbers.

She has already answered the question by not including the children on the invite, the OP is making it awkward.

This is the best answer so far

So you have a certain opinion on how close you should be to someone to invite them to a wedding which is slightly different to mine.

Does that have anything to do with OP?

Anyone remember the thread a few years ago about the batshit friend who tried to smuggle her husband and toddler (not baby) into the air bnb for the hen do? She was told she couldn't bring them, then went quiet on the group and said she'd travel independently rather than getting the train with the others. MNers correctly guessed that she was going to bring them anyway and there was a big confrontation with her bemused husband in the car.

Exactly, it's the couple's choice who they invite (or should be).
We had a small wedding, with children aged from about 3/4 to teenagers included - two of which were family members, but I can also see how some people would just prefer a child free wedding. If an invite already doesn't include kids it's rude to go on to ask if you can take your child/baby!

Well the bride sounds like she expects OP to come even though she has a small baby. It's the bride that's made this awkward by doing that. OP has informed they're breastfed and it's not that simple. Bride should have just confirmed no babies and accepted OP can't come then. Bride is being ignorant and dramatic imo.

Yes! You are encouraging the OP to follow an esoteric etiquette which is apparently followed only by you and your friends.

Yes, it does, because you are using your unusual view in your approach to answering the OP's question.