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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask to bring my baby to a wedding?

856 replies

Xandria22 · 13/10/2023 10:21

My oldest friend is getting married in December and I just got the invite. It has mine and DH name on it not our 3 kids. This is absolutely not a problem. Who wants to party when you have kids!

We are only invited to the night do (I think it’s a very small day do) and I have messaged her to ask if I can bring the baby who will be 4 months old as he is exclusively breastfed. My message basically said ‘if it fits in with your wedding plans could we bring the baby as he is completely breastfed and we wouldn’t be able to leave him for that long. If it’s a problem we won’t be able to come to the wedding but we won’t be offended we would understand and wish you all the best’

We live an hour away and have nobody nearby who we can leave the baby with. She hasn’t replied to me but when I reached out to another friend she has said that the bride is not happy with my request.

The hen do is next week and I’m a bit apprehensive (more so because DH is coming to the hotel where it is being held with the baby in a room so he can phone me when to feed him).

I thought I was being completely reasonable. She could say no babies/children and that would have been done. Am I missing something?

OP posts:
CountryCob · 15/10/2023 18:53

@likethislikethat that wouldn't work, you would have massive boobs of milk and possibly mastitis. Your baby would be screaming with someone who couldn't help them. Mine wouldn't even take a bottle of expressed milk. Also there is the side possibly if changing feed instantly on one day of a milk allergy or at the least stomach issues.

Treesinmygarden · 15/10/2023 18:53

Mikimoto · 15/10/2023 18:33

OP obviously read "No children.....except one of mine"

She obviously didn't!!!!

Scottishskifun · 15/10/2023 18:53

We stated no children but bags in arms/under 1 year old were fine.

It's absolutely OK for the couple to have their wishes as long as they accept that's not going to be possible for everyone and they will get some declines.

We have since had several wedding invites with no children we take it in turns to attend if possible but also not had issues with declining.

StarlightLime · 15/10/2023 18:53

One of mine crept up beside my sister at her wedding. I couldn't see from beneath my massive-brimmed hat, and nobody else made a move!!
Bloody hell 🙄

Treesinmygarden · 15/10/2023 18:54

StarlightLime · 15/10/2023 18:53

One of mine crept up beside my sister at her wedding. I couldn't see from beneath my massive-brimmed hat, and nobody else made a move!!
Bloody hell 🙄

My sister thought it was funny!!

I was mortified, that no-one else thought to remove them, including DH!

AGovernmentOfLawsAndNotMen · 15/10/2023 18:54

Treesinmygarden · 15/10/2023 18:52

Two of my three never accepted a bottle. It happens.

Why should the OP have to get her baby onto a bottle for the sake of a bloody wedding party an hour away?! That's just silly.

Anyway, it's already been decided. The OP isn't going. Wise decision.

Show quote history

Agree.
None of my three would accept a bottle.
We went straight from breast to cup feeder.
Its not always that easy so don’t make any promises on this premise OP,

Tiredandhungryneedwine · 15/10/2023 18:59

I’m not particularly child tolerant but I would never refuse a close friend access to their young baby at any event. YANBU

Mistymountain · 15/10/2023 19:06

I wouldn't expect a baby at the evening do - that's when people start getting drunk and enjoying themselves. So either DH would go alone, as it's abreast feeding issue, or the invitation would be declined.

Mamasperspective · 15/10/2023 19:09

is It a possibility that you could have another relative come and stay in the hotel also and just go to the room when baby needs feeding as you intend to do with the hen do?

She hasn't really been given much of a choice between letting you bring your baby to her party where she clearly doesn't want children OR her oldest friend just won't come ... I can kind of see why she hasn't replied.

TemariPhoenix · 15/10/2023 19:11

Sayitaintso33 · 13/10/2023 11:17

It might be their choice but it is a bad choice.

Just as chosing to be a misogynist is a bad choice.

Show quote history

Are you seriously comparing child free weddings and misogyny? Are you ok?

MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 19:13

Mamasperspective · 15/10/2023 19:09

is It a possibility that you could have another relative come and stay in the hotel also and just go to the room when baby needs feeding as you intend to do with the hen do?

She hasn't really been given much of a choice between letting you bring your baby to her party where she clearly doesn't want children OR her oldest friend just won't come ... I can kind of see why she hasn't replied.

The OP has said that the only hotel rooms within easy reach of the venue are extortionate.

And let's be honest, would you go to that level of effort and expense to attend the evening part of a child free wedding?

I would not.

JuniperKeats · 15/10/2023 19:13

Never understood no children/babies at weddings. Always seems so unfriendly unwelcoming.

They are a celebration of family surely.
That being said, it is their wedding, so their wishes are paramount.
But you’ve found out something useful, give them a wide berth in the future.

SemperIdem · 15/10/2023 19:14

Sayitaintso33 · 13/10/2023 10:31

No need to ask, not only is there no service to disrupt, babes in arms are always welcome alongside their mother, and possibly their father.

Are they really? 🤨

Treesinmygarden · 15/10/2023 19:15

likethislikethat · 15/10/2023 18:52

Of course I have no clue. That is why I have a teenage daughter and of course, she was born eating meat and two veg 😌

What you fail to see is that either they don't go, which in fact solves all the issues or the baby has a night off the tit and has some good old cows milk or formula or the mother expresses some milk beforehand.

None of those options needs the mother to drag the kid to an adults only event.

Show quote history

I don't care if you have 10 children. You don't have the first clue about breastfeeding. You don't have to be so disparaging in your language around breastfeeding either.

I don't "fail to see" anything. The OP had long made her decision when you posted.

Treesinmygarden · 15/10/2023 19:17

Mamasperspective · 15/10/2023 19:09

is It a possibility that you could have another relative come and stay in the hotel also and just go to the room when baby needs feeding as you intend to do with the hen do?

She hasn't really been given much of a choice between letting you bring your baby to her party where she clearly doesn't want children OR her oldest friend just won't come ... I can kind of see why she hasn't replied.

Erm, I think you will find the OP has had further contact with bridezilla and has already decided not to go. 07.39 this morning, actually.

LaraLondon1 · 15/10/2023 19:23

I don’t get what the fuss is about someone bringing a baby to a wedding , it’s not like they will cost anything ! Fair enough older children who would be catered for and running around , I can see why it might be specifically no kids allowed .. but a baby is different and not going to affect the night in any way. you’d think a good friend / bride would want u there than not being able to go !

StarlightLime · 15/10/2023 19:24

Bridezilla? Really?!

LuluBlakey1 · 15/10/2023 19:32

I hate weddings. Just think of it as dodging a bullet- you'll avoid all the faff and palaver, don't have to spend the weekend bored silly, will save lots of money and can have a lovely weekend with your family doing something nice.

Solibear · 15/10/2023 19:36

It’s not really a “thing”, it’s that a lot of the time when there’s no children invited it’s because there are restricted numbers and the couple getting married would rather invite another adult than somebody’s child. I didn’t have kids when I got married and we also had a child-free wedding but my friend had a 4 week old baby who was able to come because they didn’t need a space/seat at a table. In OP’s case it’s probably not the same thing because it’s only an evening invite, which would usually by default not be extended to children because of the time of it, but again, babies are different as they can sleep there, aren’t disruptive, people don’t need to watch their mouths around them, and they need to be fed - it’s just common sense really.

We went to a wedding recently where I had the exact same conversation with the bride before RSVPing - said we’d love to come but would only be able to do so if we could bring baby, would totally understand if she said no though. She replied saying she wanted us to be there so if that meant bringing baby then so be it. There were 3 other babies there but no other children.

OP doesn’t want to just turn up with a baby without asking first, but needs to know whether they’d be allowed or not before she can confirm whether she’s attending or not, so imo it’s a perfectly reasonable question/explanation/response and the bride is being an AH

BlackCountryWench2 · 15/10/2023 19:38

I do think that the bride should have been clearer on the invitation if this is what she intended. We had a child-free wedding and the invitations stated as such. Our day, our money, our choice. Oh, and it wasn’t to be “insta perfect”. It’s because I can’t stand kids 🤣

Anon0mum · 15/10/2023 19:46

This has to be the most idiotic response! Her boundaries are her boundaries. If she said no children, that means not children. Not turn up with a child because you think it isn’t an issue🤣

Dedsec2023 · 15/10/2023 19:46

@Xandria22 i would presume its the same thing, no children, no babies, it is a wedding day after all, and not everyone make noises etc

Purplecatshopaholic · 15/10/2023 19:49

Sayitaintso33 · 13/10/2023 10:31

No need to ask, not only is there no service to disrupt, babes in arms are always welcome alongside their mother, and possibly their father.

On what planet? This is just not true!

Ramalangadingdong · 15/10/2023 19:52

I must be getting old. A wedding without children and babies? When did this become the done thing?

I loved going to weddings when I was a kid.

Salma80 · 15/10/2023 19:52

Doesn't sound like a real friend tbh stuff this woman. It's perfectly reasonable to let a 4 month old attend who is bf.