Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask to bring my baby to a wedding?

856 replies

Xandria22 · 13/10/2023 10:21

My oldest friend is getting married in December and I just got the invite. It has mine and DH name on it not our 3 kids. This is absolutely not a problem. Who wants to party when you have kids!

We are only invited to the night do (I think it’s a very small day do) and I have messaged her to ask if I can bring the baby who will be 4 months old as he is exclusively breastfed. My message basically said ‘if it fits in with your wedding plans could we bring the baby as he is completely breastfed and we wouldn’t be able to leave him for that long. If it’s a problem we won’t be able to come to the wedding but we won’t be offended we would understand and wish you all the best’

We live an hour away and have nobody nearby who we can leave the baby with. She hasn’t replied to me but when I reached out to another friend she has said that the bride is not happy with my request.

The hen do is next week and I’m a bit apprehensive (more so because DH is coming to the hotel where it is being held with the baby in a room so he can phone me when to feed him).

I thought I was being completely reasonable. She could say no babies/children and that would have been done. Am I missing something?

OP posts:
Ramalangadingdong · 15/10/2023 19:54

To add to my post: I come from a poor area and I’m guessing that people didn’t fork out thousands for weddings. They were still beautiful affairs though with a lot of food and a hell of a lot of fun.

Lou670 · 15/10/2023 20:00

I think the last line of your reply to her invitation is the problem. 'Wish you all the best' makes it sound as if she says no to your request then that is the end of it and you won't be seeing her anymore. Surely you would (if not seeing her between the hen night and the wedding day) say it at the hen night?

whynotwhatknot · 15/10/2023 20:03

wait shes inviting children then sending them home before the evening

thats even worse than none at all

Treesinmygarden · 15/10/2023 20:07

StarlightLime · 15/10/2023 19:24

Bridezilla? Really?!

Yes, really.

She's so set on having her own way and not allowing the baby to come that she prefers that her oldest friend miss her wedding. Now that is bridezilla territory right there!

LaurieStrode · 15/10/2023 20:12

BlackCountryWench2 · 15/10/2023 19:38

I do think that the bride should have been clearer on the invitation if this is what she intended. We had a child-free wedding and the invitations stated as such. Our day, our money, our choice. Oh, and it wasn’t to be “insta perfect”. It’s because I can’t stand kids 🤣

If the invitations says Julie and Jack Higgins, how on earth could that be more clear?

Invitations are the opening bid in negotiations; it's just not on to say "oh well they probably would be OK with me bringing little Oliver" and call and put them on the spot. Not OK. If the name isn't on the invitation, the person is not invited.

EandKDJ · 15/10/2023 20:14

YABU. My wife and I were invited to a wedding, but had our baby before the wedding day. The invitation specifically said no children, so we didn't go as couldn't leave our breast fed baby at that point. I think the wording on your invitation was pretty clear. It's the couple's choice whether to invite children or not, you should have just acknowledged that you could no longer attend.

T1Dmama · 15/10/2023 20:27

we had no children other than mine and husbands nieces and nephews and my godchildren at our wedding, the evening was a ‘kids welcome’ event….
I can’t really see why having a 4 month old there makes any difference to the bride and groom?! It’s not like it will be running around and it’s cries won’t be heard over the music anyway…
Just don’t go, saves you the hassle and expense of a gift!

notlucreziaborgia · 15/10/2023 20:37

Treesinmygarden · 15/10/2023 20:07

Yes, really.

She's so set on having her own way and not allowing the baby to come that she prefers that her oldest friend miss her wedding. Now that is bridezilla territory right there!

Show quote history

She’s set on having the wedding day be one that she and her husband to be want. No shit.

if that means some people decline the invite then so be it.

Mamasharp97 · 15/10/2023 20:40

One of my oldest friends has said no children and we will have a 10 month old by his wedding day if all goes to plan. She’ll be old enough to leave with someone overnight but I don’t know if I’ll feel comfortable to get so we have declined.

I have another wonderful friend whose wedding is a month after our due date and have declined because we’ll have a newborn- even though she is invited I don’t want her to be around so many people with a compromised immune system.

you can just say no :)

MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 20:41

notlucreziaborgia · 15/10/2023 20:37

She’s set on having the wedding day be one that she and her husband to be want. No shit.

if that means some people decline the invite then so be it.

Show quote history

Well, by definition, it isn't the day you want if some of the people you want to be there decline the invitation.

notlucreziaborgia · 15/10/2023 20:43

MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 20:41

Well, by definition, it isn't the day you want if some of the people you want to be there decline the invitation.

Show quote history

And that’s when you have to decide what you want more 🤷🏻‍♀️

For many people, this bride and groom included, what they want more, and would find more enjoyable, is a childfree wedding.

MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 20:47

notlucreziaborgia · 15/10/2023 20:43

And that’s when you have to decide what you want more 🤷🏻‍♀️

For many people, this bride and groom included, what they want more, and would find more enjoyable, is a childfree wedding.

Show quote history

Well I find it pretty sad that you would rather one of your oldest friends (who is clearly prepared to put herself out for you) couldn't make it than allow a young baby whose presence you will most likely not even be aware of to attend.

notlucreziaborgia · 15/10/2023 20:51

MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 20:47

Well I find it pretty sad that you would rather one of your oldest friends (who is clearly prepared to put herself out for you) couldn't make it than allow a young baby whose presence you will most likely not even be aware of to attend.

Show quote history

By all means be sad about it hun.

She isn’t demanding anyone’s presence, or for OP to put herself out. If it being childfree means they can’t make it they can’t make it. That’s generally how events work - if for whatever reason you can’t attend, then go ahead and decline the invite.

brentwoods · 15/10/2023 21:04

Well done, @Xandria22. It sounds like both you and the bride were reasonable in this case.

T1Dmama · 15/10/2023 21:11

SugarHiccups · 13/10/2023 10:50

The invite not including children has already made that clear - no children means no children, not 'no children except babies'.

@Warum It's not though. I didn't even know the names of all my friends' children to include on the invite. We just put couple's names and assumed they would know their kids WERE invited, because we didn't put 'adults only' (and that is what happened - everyone just brought their kids!)

If your wedding is adults only then you need to put that on the invitation.

Agree with this… we specified that unfortunately we will not be having any children other than our nieces and nephews… however even then we allowed my friend to bring her 10 day old baby as it’s unreasonable to expect a newborn to be left for a whole day.

MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 21:11

notlucreziaborgia · 15/10/2023 20:51

By all means be sad about it hun.

She isn’t demanding anyone’s presence, or for OP to put herself out. If it being childfree means they can’t make it they can’t make it. That’s generally how events work - if for whatever reason you can’t attend, then go ahead and decline the invite.

Show quote history

Yes, "hun", but don't go crying to anyone else if you find yourself in a half empty room.

StarlightLime · 15/10/2023 21:14

MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 21:11

Yes, "hun", but don't go crying to anyone else if you find yourself in a half empty room.

Show quote history

Have you ever attended a wedding party held in a half empty room because it was a baby free zone, @MargotBamborough ? I certainly haven't.
You seem extraordinarily bitter about this, what happened to you?

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/10/2023 21:19

I know right?!

@MargotBamborough have you ever actually been to a child free wedding?! They’re brill!

MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 21:23

StarlightLime · 15/10/2023 21:14

Have you ever attended a wedding party held in a half empty room because it was a baby free zone, @MargotBamborough ? I certainly haven't.
You seem extraordinarily bitter about this, what happened to you?

Show quote history

Nothing "happened to me".

And no, I haven't attended a wedding like that, because none of my friends are dickheads.

But since the OP's friend is having such a small wedding that only a very small number of people are invited to the ceremony and meal and some of them have been told they have to leave promptly before the evening do, and she's got at least two friends with childcare issues, it sounds like it could be quite a small party.

StarlightLime · 15/10/2023 21:28

If the bride is having "such a small wedding" she won't be too astounded that it'll be quite a small party @MargotBamborough 😂
It's how she'll have planned it.

MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 21:32

StarlightLime · 15/10/2023 21:28

If the bride is having "such a small wedding" she won't be too astounded that it'll be quite a small party @MargotBamborough 😂
It's how she'll have planned it.

Yes, but the smaller your wedding is the more difference it makes if people don't come.

Oh well, her loss.

notlucreziaborgia · 15/10/2023 21:35

MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 21:11

Yes, "hun", but don't go crying to anyone else if you find yourself in a half empty room.

Show quote history

As disappointing as this clearly will be for you, I genuinely cannot say that’s ever been my experience of a childfree wedding, my own included. You’re very keen to imagine hosts complaining and crying about people declining the invitations, despite there being nothing to suggest that anyone actually is.

Based on the increasing popularity of childfree weddings I’m going to hazard a guess that plenty of others similarly do not view them negatively, otherwise they wouldn’t be catching on.

notlucreziaborgia · 15/10/2023 21:37

MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 21:32

Yes, but the smaller your wedding is the more difference it makes if people don't come.

Oh well, her loss.

Show quote history

If she was worried about that she’d have relented on the no children rule. Clearly she’s quite happy with the number of attendees.

Treesinmygarden · 15/10/2023 21:37

notlucreziaborgia · 15/10/2023 20:37

She’s set on having the wedding day be one that she and her husband to be want. No shit.

if that means some people decline the invite then so be it.

Show quote history

It's one bloody day and presumably the friendship is years old.

notlucreziaborgia · 15/10/2023 21:39

Treesinmygarden · 15/10/2023 21:37

It's one bloody day and presumably the friendship is years old.

Show quote history

Yes, one day she wants to her liking. If the friendship is years old then OP will understand that and get over it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread