AIBU to be annoyed that friends marriage is over after 2weeks!

[Littlewhitedoves]

AIBU to be annoyed at spending so much money on my friends dream wedding day for it all to be a sham and over in a matter of weeks. I know it sounds selfish but I can't help feeling so upset at the amount of effort I went to and money I spent on making it amazing for her. She is being so blasé about the whole situation and laughing about it being the shortest marriage, she knew it wasn't going to last etc. I've tried speaking to her seriously about it to get a better understanding. We knew he maybe wasn't the right fit for her and I could totally understand her decision if it was a DV situation but she said they are not right for each other. She said she didn't want to let people down and would've been embarrassed to cancel. She wanted her fairytale day and the wedding of dreams.

Three Hen Do's, one in Tenerife, one at home and a UK trip also bottomless brunches, dress try ons with lunches. The hotel for the wedding was £450 for a room to stay over plus every other expense that goes with a wedding, outfits, shoes, bag, make up, drinks. That takes me to a few thousand pounds easily. Then don't get me started on the wedding gift!! Just makes me so mad. I surely can't be the only one feeling like this!?

She gave no indication that there was anything wrong in the relationship and I understand totally that you never know what is going on behind closed doors. Obviously her happiness comes first and is more important than money but it has just irked me that I spent so much and put so much effort into little details to make it really special and essentially the guests funded a day for her to feel like a princess and it was never about getting married.

Yeah . This 👆

What’s the reason for ending the marriage so soon

mafs weddings last longer than this

Years ago I knew of a girl who's wedding lasted pretty much an hour or two. Her groom left during the wedding breakfast after the speeches. Just got up and left, marriage over.
Her next marriage didn't last long either. Groom left the day after the wedding while they were all still at the venue.
Third time lucky though, she is still with her third husband. Like your friend this girl used a lot of bravado and humour discussing it but there was heartache and embarrassment there for her. Hope your friend is ok. I can see why you're annoyed too though OP. Just sounds like a rubbish situation for everyone.

Define what a friend is ? , And why did you spend loads of money on human you aren't even related to ? ,I understand you got the rose tinted specs view of life . Fact is though statistically speaking friends and family members are most likely to be your murderer just to bring things into perspective.

You spent a lot and I imagine you enjoyed most of those things too but I can also see how it's selfish if she knowingly let you all spend money on her. Most if all I suspect she is putting a brave face on as well.

Actually, I think I see the OP’s point. It sounds as though the bride made a big deal of wanting her dream wedding. There are people who have a single night for their hen do - but this one made everyone go abroad for hers.

I don't really understand how someone would prefer to do a wedding just for the sake of it and too late to cancel .
I would rather cancel but some don't even see it coming in the first place

I am one of the few people on MN who have total sympathy with you. I too would have probably spent money I possibly couldn’t genuinely afford to support a good friend and help create her fairy tale wedding. If the marriage is over after a few weeks, it suggests to me that she had her doubts beforehand or has simply given up at the first hurdle. Under these circumstances YANBU to be angry, hurt, deceived, disappointed, conned etc etc.

I think as others have said she may be putting on a brave face but underneath may be crumbling or it has not hit her yet.

But this new thing of having a hen night abroad and then another at home and all the other things that go on for a wedding is just ridiculous and so expensive.
Is a wedding coming up next year and do not know if will be able to go as off sick at the moment and it is a distance away and will need money for hotel stay, new outfits, money gifts we are talking anything from 200 to 400 is expected, as that is what is expected now and money for the stay, drinks etc so not sure what will happen. So many are really annoyed as many lovely hotels nearer so people would not have to travel and no connection at all to the area they are having wedding in, all for show.

I just find it extremely selfish as not everyone has all this money and those with small children having to travel also. If I cannot afford it I cannot go simple and am at the stage in life I do not really care. Maybe I am selfish but not getting a loan for something like this.
Just be there for your friend and if you enjoyed the holidays that is a bonus.

Something must have happened bad with partner if they ended so soon so maybe she will open up more to you in future but ridiculous all the expense now for weddings. Everyone just wants photos to put on line and to show off.

More fool you for indulging all of that stupidity over a wedding. It's ridiculous.

We just turn down wedding invitations and anything to do with them unless they are local.

Hi LuluBlakey1 would you do that if it was a relative. What would you say to them. Appreciate any advice. Thanks.

She didn't make them, they chose to. She sounds really selfish and they went along with it. It's pathetic. You can say no.

I wouldn't say YABU but it does seem like your friend was in love with the idea of being married and got caught up in the whole fairytale wedding palaver that it wasn't till the literal honeymoon period was all over that the reality set in and that the happy ever after only exists in Disney land and children's fairytales. She's not the first woman to get swept into this whole idea - after all we're fed all these Cinderella type stories from birth, so is it any wonder? YANBU to feel peeved at the amount of money that was spent only for this to be the end result but I think you need to show your friend a little bit more understanding and kindness here. She could be laughing because she's just realised how silly it is to get caught up in fairytale ideas without considering the reality of it and she's actually learned a valuable lesson from all of this.

I suspect she's dying inside with her own emotions, embarrassment and thoughts of what everyone is thinking.
On the outside she's most likely being blasé to allow her to cope.
Money comes and goes but I'm sure she needs your friendship more than ever right now.
I do however understand your frustration.

Yeah I partly blame celebrity culture and social media has a lot to answer for as well.

Many many years ago a boyfriend’s sister got married on a Saturday and the next day she had left him and was back at mum and dad’s. Never did know why and didn’t feel right to ask! Also had a friend whose parents got out a 5 year loan to pay for her wedding and by 6 months they had spilt up.

Yes, we'd just say 'Sorry- too expensive for us and not really our thing but have a lovely time'.

We still send a card and a present.
It's not just the money , it's the fuss and the palaver. We stopped it all after we were asked to a wedding on a Saturday morning in the south-west. We both would have had to take Thursday and Friday off work, unpaid (losing almost £1000), travel there and back from north-east (£200+), hotel was extortionate £400 a night and it was 3 nights. Plus clothes, presents, hen and stag dos. They were just mates of DH from uni. who we never saw because they lived in Exeter and we lived north of Newcastle and we reckoned it was going to cost us over £3500.
Then DH's cousin announced she was getting married in Greece.
Our wedding was local, minimum fuss, small (40 guests) but lovely. In total it cost us £2500 and PIL paid for the reception (as our present) at a friend of theirs Italian restaurant. SIL took the photos- she is an artist/photographer. We asked for no presents at all but named a charity that people could donate to if they wished.
We've only been to 2 weddings in the last 10 years now. We don't feel we've missed anything.

Thing is, it isn’t just about the money. People use up time and emotional energy on their friends’ weddings.

Exactly. 'The palaver".

If you begrudge time and emotional energy for a wedding, you clearly aren't actually friends, so don't go.

This or she's very flimsy and not worth it as a friend.
It is etiquette to return gifts, maybe mention that and offer to help send them back.
Be the real friend she needs.

Nonsense. You don't have to agree with everything friends want to do. Our best friends didn't want to come to France on holiday with us- doesn't nean they're not our friends.Rural France just isn't their idea of a holiday.

I agree there may be more to this than meets the eye.

When something bad happens I am very much an appearing fine on the outside but sobbing at home type of person.

Her hen dos and wedding sound extra but maybe she was burying here head in the sand re the issues and hoping it worked out.

I’ve been to a couple of boujee weddings and silly level hen dos with friends but st the end of the day no one forced me to go or be their friend. To a good friend I’d say “for fucks sake! What happened?” And I’d try to focus on how she was feeling than on myself.