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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed that friends marriage is over after 2weeks!

388 replies

Littlewhitedoves · 12/10/2023 10:08

AIBU to be annoyed at spending so much money on my friends dream wedding day for it all to be a sham and over in a matter of weeks. I know it sounds selfish but I can't help feeling so upset at the amount of effort I went to and money I spent on making it amazing for her. She is being so blasé about the whole situation and laughing about it being the shortest marriage, she knew it wasn't going to last etc. I've tried speaking to her seriously about it to get a better understanding. We knew he maybe wasn't the right fit for her and I could totally understand her decision if it was a DV situation but she said they are not right for each other. She said she didn't want to let people down and would've been embarrassed to cancel. She wanted her fairytale day and the wedding of dreams.

Three Hen Do's, one in Tenerife, one at home and a UK trip also bottomless brunches, dress try ons with lunches. The hotel for the wedding was £450 for a room to stay over plus every other expense that goes with a wedding, outfits, shoes, bag, make up, drinks. That takes me to a few thousand pounds easily. Then don't get me started on the wedding gift!! Just makes me so mad. I surely can't be the only one feeling like this!?

She gave no indication that there was anything wrong in the relationship and I understand totally that you never know what is going on behind closed doors. Obviously her happiness comes first and is more important than money but it has just irked me that I spent so much and put so much effort into little details to make it really special and essentially the guests funded a day for her to feel like a princess and it was never about getting married.

OP posts:
ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 13/10/2023 14:08

Littlewhitedoves · 13/10/2023 10:49

Sorry I didn't realise I had to reply to everyone....

You don't .

But if anyone is doubting the veracity of your post - then not returning to a thread is a good marker .

Thebigblueballoon · 13/10/2023 14:28

Littlewhitedoves · 13/10/2023 10:49

Sorry I didn't realise I had to reply to everyone....

So you’ve come back to your thread, on which people have offered you lots of opinions and advice, to say merely this? I’m not surprised you were foolish enough to spend so much on your friend’s supposed wedding.

autiebooklover · 13/10/2023 14:48

You paid to attend events for her wedding. It's done . If she gets married again don't go.

CherryMaDeara · 13/10/2023 15:11

Thebigblueballoon · 13/10/2023 14:28

So you’ve come back to your thread, on which people have offered you lots of opinions and advice, to say merely this? I’m not surprised you were foolish enough to spend so much on your friend’s supposed wedding.

Show quote history

Sounds like OP and her friend are much of a muchness.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 13/10/2023 15:29

Your friend is probably laughing to cover heartbreak
Personally I can't understand why people don't cancel if they know it's not right, but many don't.
I'm on the fence as I do get how you feel about the money but hindsight is a wonderful thing and you were happy enough at the time to spend out
Be supportive of your friend as you don't know the real situation

omgsally · 13/10/2023 16:00

@Carmargo Selfish bitch, selfish cow? Do you always use such vile misogynistic language?

Scottishmama23 · 13/10/2023 18:10

So this happened to a friend of mine years back. She ended up leaving the guy after a few weeks too. However before she got married and on her hen night she told me and another friend that she had been seeing another guy that she worked with and was madly in love with him etc etc. So naturally we said don't be daft and call off the wedding until you are sure you want this. Lo and behold she gets married with us all doing the same as yourself spending money on a sham wedding for it all to fall apart. She is now married to the other guy with 3 kids and is truly happy. However you are right in the feeling annoyed part but I get her saying she didn't want to let anyone know as my friend said the same. I think you might have to just let this go and if she gets married again then you attend one hen night if you wish and the wedding. Just recycle your outfit. 🤣

Lollipopsicle · 13/10/2023 18:15

FeltCarrot · 12/10/2023 10:19

Ask for the gift back.

Yep, I would do this.

blacksax · 13/10/2023 18:19

Littlewhitedoves · 13/10/2023 10:49

Sorry I didn't realise I had to reply to everyone....

Er... after hundreds of replies to your thread, we were kind of expecting you to actually come back, yes.

mumoftinyterrors · 13/10/2023 18:23

Unfortunately there are too many of these idiots around. They want to have a dream wedding, rack up loads of debt, then split within months because they don’t actually like each other.

Julimia · 13/10/2023 18:23

That is unkind and certainly not the point here

DietrichandDiMaggio · 13/10/2023 18:26

Littlewhitedoves · 13/10/2023 10:49

Sorry I didn't realise I had to reply to everyone....

Nobody expects you to reply to everyone, but it’s good manners to return to the thread you started and acknowledge that posters have bothered to reply to you.

BossyFlossie76 · 13/10/2023 18:31

Blasé could mean shame, embarrassment, depression.

No one should ever feel they need to stay in a relationship a second longer, regardless of the circumstances.

I left my first marriage after a few weeks too, he was emotionally and physically abusive. He had been for some time. That’s when I was finally able, and the (very few) people who gave me stick about it, are no longer in my life.

husbandcallsmepickle · 13/10/2023 18:35

Lucky you for having that sort of disposable income to spend on multiple hen dos, outfits etc.

sunglassesonthetable · 13/10/2023 18:41

No one should stay in a bad marriage longer than they have to but what jumps out at me is THREE ( yes three ) Hen Dos , not forgetting one was abroad and those bottomless brunches ( plural )

WTF? All for one wedding?

Is that the standard now? Seems so gratuitous and over the top.

Bendysnap · 13/10/2023 18:44

as everyone else has said… the correct etiquette (and the moral thing to do) is to give all wedding gifts back

AirFryerFrequentFlyer · 13/10/2023 18:45

IDidntKnowMyOwnStrength · 12/10/2023 15:38

A lady l know had to come back from her honeymoon early. She got a call informing her that her husband was already married.

😮 that's not what you expect on honeymoon!

Peaceandkindness · 13/10/2023 18:58

Dogsarebetterthanpeopl · 12/10/2023 10:25

My marriage also fell apart after a couple of weeks. I was so humiliated and embarrassed I used humour as a coping strategy too. Really I was dying inside. People were shocked when I ended up in a mental health ward as I put on such a great brave face. I hope she's OK.

Mine was over on honeymoon - I knew it - he changed on honeymoon I stuck it out for a bit but this must be a front for her surely ?

AirFryerFrequentFlyer · 13/10/2023 19:05

@PottedPlantsObsess no need to quote the whole lengthy OP. We've all read it.

SahliJ · 13/10/2023 19:07

It was always traditional to return the presents. My mum made me return my engagement presents when it ended.

Tbry · 13/10/2023 19:10

Your poor friend, I hope she is OK. She probably needs a good friend right now.

Bugbabe1970 · 13/10/2023 19:11

She should return all the wedding gifts at least

MyCircumference · 13/10/2023 19:19

it is not about you and your money
what an appalling friend you are

Sugarfree23 · 13/10/2023 19:26

Bugbabe1970 · 13/10/2023 19:11

She should return all the wedding gifts at least

I'm sure she has better things to worry about.
She's probably just spent a fortune on a wedding, and food for all her family and friends.
Assuming like most couples they were living together, so need to separate their belongings and find somewhere else to live.
All while dealing with the hurt and pain of her future not being what she was expecting

MargotBamborough · 13/10/2023 19:27

You know, the details of this are quite outing. If the OP hasn't changed anything and is telling the truth about the location of the hen dos and the cost of the hotel room it is more likely than not that someone who knows the bride, or even the bride herself, will see this.