AIBU to be annoyed that friends marriage is over after 2weeks!

[Littlewhitedoves]

AIBU to be annoyed at spending so much money on my friends dream wedding day for it all to be a sham and over in a matter of weeks. I know it sounds selfish but I can't help feeling so upset at the amount of effort I went to and money I spent on making it amazing for her. She is being so blasé about the whole situation and laughing about it being the shortest marriage, she knew it wasn't going to last etc. I've tried speaking to her seriously about it to get a better understanding. We knew he maybe wasn't the right fit for her and I could totally understand her decision if it was a DV situation but she said they are not right for each other. She said she didn't want to let people down and would've been embarrassed to cancel. She wanted her fairytale day and the wedding of dreams.

Three Hen Do's, one in Tenerife, one at home and a UK trip also bottomless brunches, dress try ons with lunches. The hotel for the wedding was £450 for a room to stay over plus every other expense that goes with a wedding, outfits, shoes, bag, make up, drinks. That takes me to a few thousand pounds easily. Then don't get me started on the wedding gift!! Just makes me so mad. I surely can't be the only one feeling like this!?

She gave no indication that there was anything wrong in the relationship and I understand totally that you never know what is going on behind closed doors. Obviously her happiness comes first and is more important than money but it has just irked me that I spent so much and put so much effort into little details to make it really special and essentially the guests funded a day for her to feel like a princess and it was never about getting married.

Yes I’d be fed up too, especially if there’s no mention of them returning gifts or any shred of remorse.

But…you joined in the build up and spent your own money freely so that’s on you! What’s the limitation period for not feeling pissed off?

I don't think OP has said it's a DV situation? Obviously that would change things considerably.

I agree - more fool you for getting swept up into this nonsense. And you knew he wasn't right for her but you played along with it.
It is extremely bad form not to return the presents. Let me guess, I bet she asked for money, too!
Try to find yourself some less vacuous friends.

Tell her you'll come to her next one.

I don't think the OP has been back to the thread at all yet...

I'd be annoyed at the expense whether they stayed together or not. The bride is likely laughing about it out of embarrassment.

There is huge societal and marketing pressure to do all this and spend all this for a woman to have her "perfect day".

Sadly, a wedding is the only day that is all about her as by society standards, getting married off, is the most important thing for a woman to do.

You never see these kind of celebrations for any other achievement a woman has in life. Getting a degree? Nope. Getting an amazing job? Nope.

A lady l know had to come back from her honeymoon early. She got a call informing her that her husband was already married.

My friends came back from their honeymoon separately!

They obviously shouldn't have got married but neither felt they could back out.

I just sympathised and got her pissed; she was happily with someone else six months later and had a baby with him.

Just sympathise! It's really not about you at all. The money is spent either way, and it was your choice to spend it.

You’re the fool to have spent that much money in the first place on someone else’s wedding.

Forgot to say - and I assume you were a bridesmaid at this circus - but in situations like this, it is part of the bridesmaid's role to help packing up and returning the presents. So I'd be making damn sure that the bride knows what's expected. Don't forget the sellotape!

Hopefully it was all good fun.

At the end of the day you spent the money. You would still have spent it if they remained together for the rest of their lives.

I wouldn't be doing this again for her though. She's had the one big blowout.

Have been through this too. Hundreds of pounds on hen do (organised it for her) hundreds more on a dress (was bridesmaid) which I never wore again, she even made us all have our nails done exactly the same despite one of the girls being allergic to the gel, it was non negotiable. Bridezilla.

She divorced within weeks because of something she knew about before the wedding. Think they wanted to pocket the cash gifts!

YANBU to feel pissed off about having made a significant contribution to a marriage that shouldn't have happened. YABU to take it as a personal affront! If you're pissed off, imagine how the bride feels. All that planning, expense, negotiating the endless unhelpful 'help' from over-invested relatives, the declarations of loving commitment that were doubtless to convince herself as much as anyone else.

The only reason I didn't quit my marriage at the reception was because the guests would be upset. We could have saved ourselves a couple of very tough years if we'd been more honest with ourselves - but that thing runs away with you, and there really is a lot of pressure from everybody else to make a success of it.

We threw a great party. Sounds like your friend did, too - several of them! - so maybe just enjoy your memories, and forget about wanting payback in terms of somebody's life?

This. Especially if she's admitted she knew it wouldn't last.

YANBU to think it was all ridiculous, but frankly, you were an absolute fool to stump up for all those events.

Even if they stayed together forever, those are ridiculous numbers of events and sums to be stumping up for.

More justification for not spending OTT amounts on people’s weddings. Wear an old dress, get an Uber to a premier inn or drive home after you’re done. Say no to hen dos abroad. Statistically 50% will divorce so keep your contribution reasonable

That’s crazy. Sounds like the ex husband had a lucky escape and I hope your gift is returned

Meanwhile.......

Nah it's still self indulgent 3 is overkill.

She had 3 for her own sake don't make out it's some nice gesture she was doing for sake of everyone else.

I wounder if her attitude is a coping mechanism because she is hurt? You know your friend is this the normal for her? You spent alot, I'm sure everyone did including the couple. But how's her mental health over the money?

shes been watching too much MAFS

that program makes a bloody mockery of marriage