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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel pressured into having long hair

166 replies

Andyrourkerip · 12/10/2023 07:47

It's a chin length bob ATM, flicks out all over the place but don't want to damage it by using heat every day.
Can't tie it up as too short. I've seen so many comments on here about how 'very few women suit short hair ' 'makes you look older' 'makes you look masculine '.
Men in general seem to prefer long hair.
The trend in women under a certain age is longer hair, 99.9% of school girls have longer hair, girls are asked if they're non-binary/trans if they've got a pixie cut (seen that happen).
I've just seen a woman on the train with a very short pixie cut and it was beautiful on her.
I feel like I could never cut it that short. Ultimately who cares what people think but there's just such an undercurrent regarding women with short hair.

OP posts:
hydriotaphia · 12/10/2023 10:34

YABU to choose your haircut based on random internet comments

Iheartmysmart · 12/10/2023 10:34

I’ve got really short hair, and I mean less than an inch all over. My hair is very fine and looks straggly if I try and grow it, not to mention the fact that I’m too lazy to do much with it. Wash it, bit of wax and I’m done. Who cares if other people don’t like it, it’s fuck all to do with them.

theveryhungrybum · 12/10/2023 10:35

I went from long, curly hair to a short cut - short around the back and sides, longer but textured on top. I loved it. When I came home, DH said 'what have you done?!?!'. Girls at my sons' primary school were aghast that I'd cut long hair short out of choice. At DH's Christmas Party, I was in the toilet and overheard female staff talking about me and my short hair. It wasn't complimentary. I kept it short for around a year then grew it back. I get lots of compliments on my long hair. I say this OP not to turn you off the idea, because I think you should have whatever haircut you want. Rather, it's because other posters have shot down your perspective when it's in fact been my lived experience.

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/10/2023 10:36

No there isn’t. Just Dench, Jamie Lee Curtis, Sharon Stone, Sinead O’Connor, etc. look/ed fabulous. (I’m sure there are more current examples but I probably wouldn’t know who they are 😁

If you want short hair, have short hair 🤷‍♀️

LumiB · 12/10/2023 10:43

I have short hair, just under chin length. I find men don't like it but then that's probably more bout my culture to be honest where long hair is the norm. I have fine hair and not much of it so long hair just makes its look flat and horrible. I don't care if men don't like it and that means I don't get many dates etc. I look so much better with short hair so im keeping it

Dalekjastninerels · 12/10/2023 10:55

Wear your hair as you like OP!

Long or short; to chin, shoulders or bum.

:)

Almosthumannow · 12/10/2023 10:56

It’s definitely much more ‘the norm’ now for women to have long hair.

I remember in the late nineties/early noughties there were a lot more shorter hair cuts that were bang on trend. ( remember Cameron Diaz, Dido?)

in recent years, the fashion has been for long hair ( and more curvy feminine body types- no one wanted a bum in the 90’s!)

I don’t think there’s pressure- it’s just the current style. I do think that long hair ‘hides’ the face slightly so imperfections are less evident.

my hair is long now, but was short when younger.

EatYourVegetables · 12/10/2023 10:58

It’s definitely more of a fashion now than it was 30-40 years ago, I feel. However, just because it’s “in” doesn’t mean you have to do it.

So YABU. Grow a spine. It’s your hair, your choice.

Graciebobcat · 12/10/2023 10:59

It's the effect of better products and styling tools.

WhereYouLeftIt · 12/10/2023 11:03

I find the current fashion for long hair a bit depressing, to be honest. Such uniformity amongst the young - to the shoulders or below, centre parting, no fringe. I know other eras had dominant styles (60's backcombing, 70's shaggy perms), but there was still always some variety! I loved the 80s, when my hair went from long enough to French pleat to clippers set to No.2, and everything in-between.

The only reason I don't wear my hair that short any more is that I'm too lazy to wash it every day - I get the dreaded bed-head, in spades! A jaw-length bob works well for me now, with my hair long enough to have enough weight to not go skew-wiff on me. But I do still like a short haircut best.

BarmyBarnacles · 12/10/2023 11:16

I could be wrong but I think it's also slightly cultural. Before I moved to the UK I've lived in a few other countries (both in Europe and on other continents) and I've definitely never seen so many women with long hair before. In South Asia where I spent a few years most women do have long hair but most kids have got very short hair cuts. I grew up in another European country and all the girls in my class till secondary had short hair though maybe that was just my generation. I was quite surprised to see that in dd's old school there was just one girl with shortish (chin length) hair and in her current school there is not a single girl with short hair in her class. DD herself insists on having her hair long as well.

BarmyBarnacles · 12/10/2023 11:18

In my office as well the only woman with short hair is from Germany.

I'd love to have short hair but my hair is too thick, frizzy and messy. Short hair is difficult and time consuming to style (for adults) unless it's really very short. I need the length to pull it down a bit and also so I can tie it up in a pony tail.

pennyjin · 12/10/2023 11:21

Shoulder length, or just below, or a bob seems to be the norm that I've seen. Very few have very long hair.

My hair is below waist and I don't see many people my age with hair that length. In fact, and backed up by threads here, I'd say the pressure is for older people is to cut it.

pennyjin · 12/10/2023 11:26

How old are you, OP? In the 50+ age group most have short hair (I think of anything just below shoulders and above as being short) and lots of very short pixie cuts.

I have seen more young girls with pixie cuts lately, but even when I was a schoolgirl there weren't many with a pixie cut, though plenty with bobs or shoulder length.

pennyjin · 12/10/2023 11:27

Do men prefer long hair ? My ex husband was always pressuring me to cut mine.

Dilligafat · 12/10/2023 11:29

I think you're wrong.

LieInsAreExtinct · 12/10/2023 11:30

I have very short hair and not a very 'feminine' dress style,and I am sure some people think I am gay, but I don't care!
I've just met a man on a dating app (with long hair!) who loves it. As did my ex... so I guess I am not likely to be attractive or attracted to men who want a woman to have long hair...
Do whatever you feel, I would say...it will always grow back. I find it super easy and liberating not having to faff with drying and styling hair.

Graciebobcat · 12/10/2023 11:31

WhereYouLeftIt · 12/10/2023 11:03

I find the current fashion for long hair a bit depressing, to be honest. Such uniformity amongst the young - to the shoulders or below, centre parting, no fringe. I know other eras had dominant styles (60's backcombing, 70's shaggy perms), but there was still always some variety! I loved the 80s, when my hair went from long enough to French pleat to clippers set to No.2, and everything in-between.

The only reason I don't wear my hair that short any more is that I'm too lazy to wash it every day - I get the dreaded bed-head, in spades! A jaw-length bob works well for me now, with my hair long enough to have enough weight to not go skew-wiff on me. But I do still like a short haircut best.

Nonsense, I don't think it's uniform at all as there are so many things you can do with long hair. DDs have it curly, straight, wavy, DD1 has a fringe, they do all sorts of plaits, buns and updos. When hair is short it mostly only does one style, there is no variety. That's one reason I don't like it, I just get bored with it. Plus it's crap for sport if you can't tie it back and have to have 150 clips in it instead to keep it out of your face.

SpinMeRightRoundBabyRightRound · 12/10/2023 11:32

I’ve always had short hair, I grew it out a bit when I was in school but hated the hassle of it.
I don’t know how people with long hair can be bothered with it! I get it cut monthly and to be fair, at the end of the month it does need cut but as I go to a barbers and don’t have to make an appointment and spend £££, it’s no big deal. The only tricky bit is timing it to avoid a queue.

I‘ve noticed way more girls with short hair recently at the girls school near me, for years it was all really long for 99% of them.

Graciebobcat · 12/10/2023 11:34

I don’t know how people with long hair can be bothered with it!

Because it depends on your hair. Thick wavy hair that grows fast can be a pain in the arse to keep in a shorter style. Long hair is easier for a lot of people and it's not a bother.

DrCoconut · 12/10/2023 11:35

I have rubbish hair so I got it cut really short and I love it. I do get mistaken for a man though I think. People have started calling me mate instead of luv! And a woman told her toddler to get out of "that "Mr's" way clearly meaning me 😫.

DevonDelight · 12/10/2023 11:36

short crop, love it, people comment on it and like it, i feel like me again (although I loved my shoulder length mane!!) and it can look subtly different every day and inbetween 4 weekly cuts-I'm growing out the shaved back and sides and now have short scissor cut and slightly longer fringe with clippers to tidy up behind my ears. Looks fab-do what you want!! Next stop my first tattoo 😛

Cincills · 12/10/2023 11:38

It’s certainly the fashion at the moment to have long hair. In the 90s there were many more pop stars, models, actresses etc with short hair. Now, that’s quite rare, and with the availability of clip in hair extensions, a long hairstyle is more achievable even for women with fine hair.

But you should absolutely have your hair the way you prefer!

sipsqueak · 12/10/2023 11:42

OP I hear you.

My favourite hairstyles to have are a pixie cut or a short bob. But I'm aware that really short hair is not a mainstream look and I'm not even sure that I can pull it off from a style/beauty perspective. I sometimes feel like I need to be slimmer and have nicer jewellery & make-up to really rock the cropped hair look. Otherwise I will just look like my mum.

squashi · 12/10/2023 11:43

I'd say you're overthinking it and worrying too much about what unspecified other people (especially men) might think. I'm probably not in the younger age bracket you're referring to, but I don't notice that much pressure for women to have long hair.