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Original poster

Feel pressured into having long hair

166 replies

Andyrourkerip · 12/10/2023 07:47

It's a chin length bob ATM, flicks out all over the place but don't want to damage it by using heat every day.
Can't tie it up as too short. I've seen so many comments on here about how 'very few women suit short hair ' 'makes you look older' 'makes you look masculine '.
Men in general seem to prefer long hair.
The trend in women under a certain age is longer hair, 99.9% of school girls have longer hair, girls are asked if they're non-binary/trans if they've got a pixie cut (seen that happen).
I've just seen a woman on the train with a very short pixie cut and it was beautiful on her.
I feel like I could never cut it that short. Ultimately who cares what people think but there's just such an undercurrent regarding women with short hair.

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 12/10/2023 07:55

Andyrourkerip · 12/10/2023 07:54

Thanks everyone, I'll try not to give into pressure and research some styles..

There is no pressure, it's in your head.

TheresaBouvey · 12/10/2023 07:55

Bobs are having a moment again too

90s bobs are everywhere

GOODCAT · 12/10/2023 07:59

I have had short hair most of my life, during lock down it grew and I currently have a short bob, too short to tie back. I feel zero pressure to have any particular hair style.

There can be real trends with hair and sometimes it can happen yhat a particular length is more usual, especially in school classes.

SallyWD · 12/10/2023 08:00

I used to have very short hair. Never exierienced any negative comments from men or women.

andtheworldrollson · 12/10/2023 08:00

I think a wider range of hair styles including lots of shorter styles was common in teenagers 30 or 40 years ago and many older people have just kept that look - my old school photos clearly show many girls with short hair - I had short hair then and now

( if you hair is thinning lots check your iron and b vitamins levels and also statins can have that effect )

It's so sad how uniform looks have become and how people feel pressure to conform

Cakecakecheese · 12/10/2023 08:01

I used to have a short bob but would mix it up by wearing hairpieces sometimes.

It's really sad that you don't feel that you can have the haircut you want. Do you feel like this in other areas of your life? Do something for yourself, I'm sure you deserve it!

MissTrip82 · 12/10/2023 08:02

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 12/10/2023 07:55

There is no pressure, it's in your head.

Show quote history

Nonsense.

Surely nobody is this dense.

You think there are no gendered social norms around hair? The appearance of women is not a constant source of societal comment and pressure? My goodness you’ve had an extremely unusual experience of life in this society if so.

So much faux bravado and deliberately obtuse gaslighting behaviour on this thread.

HouseofHolbein · 12/10/2023 08:03

I have a grade 2. It was a lockdown haircut as I'd always wanted one and I decided to keep it. Personally I love it as does everyone who knows me well apart from my mom 🤣🤣

Anyway a couple of friends said that they loved it but couldn't possibly do the same as they would look like a potato etc. Both of them have now gone for it and look utterly amazing. They glow 💕 because they have hair that they love. One has found a new bloke after many years of wanting a relationship and she credits her hair for it because she has so much confidence now.

Basically it's your hair. Have it how you want it. I adore long swishy hair but it's definitely never been my style.

ChokeToDeathOnThreePoundsOfMeat · 12/10/2023 08:03

I've had hair long enough to sit on, & I had a buzz cut for a few years. I certainly wouldn't describe myself as "very pretty", & I definitely don't have amazing bone structure - both styles suit me though. It's bollocks about short hair only suiting certain face shapes, IMO. Wear it how you want!

BogRollBOGOF · 12/10/2023 08:04

Mine is long because it's lower effort and it can go lengthy periods without being cut. I like the idea of trying something short, but I CBA to style it and it would start growing out 3 weeks later anyway.

Everyone else is free to do what they want with their hair. Some women suit short hair. Some women suit long hair. Women can go for what they think suits them or what they find more practical.

Do what works for you.

romdowa · 12/10/2023 08:04

I know loads of women who have short hair. Usually once women go past a certain age it's unusual for them to have long hair where I am. I love short hair but I look like my brother with a very short cut. For years I sported a long Bob and loved that style but I've a toddler and need my hair up so he can't pull it 🤣 do what you want with your hair. If you love a style then use it. There really is no pressure to have long hair

Catsmere · 12/10/2023 08:05

Andyrourkerip · 12/10/2023 07:50

I searched a short hair thread and so many of the comments were 'you'll only suit short hair if you're very pretty with amazing bone structure '

Well that's a rubbish opinion for starters. Friend of mine is 70, fat, not pretty (are any of us deemed pretty once we get past fuckable-according-to-random-men age?) and her short hair looks absolutely stunning and suits her perfectly.

Lastarse · 12/10/2023 08:05

I’ve had all lengths of hair and I think with a few you tube videos & correct sized grips you can tie a chin length bob back. I think before you get your hair cut work out what you want to achieve and the results you expect. I always get mine cut in a way I can tie it back. I like having longer hair but do what You want and what suits You. Fashion only works if it suits you and is easy to manage. Maybe you are having ‘bob regret’ 🙂

FOJN · 12/10/2023 08:07

It's hair, it's grows, no hairstyle is permanent. Have it cut however you like and grow it again if you don't like it.

I've recently gone from shoulder length to pixie again and am very happy with it.

Stop worrying what other people think and have the hairstyle you want.

Bluevelvetsofa · 12/10/2023 08:08

Most of the people I know have short hair. You have what you want, but long hair can look very aging on a mature face. Or it can look amazing. So can short hair. Surely you’d go for something that suits your style and your face.

Bertiesmum3 · 12/10/2023 08:08

Andyrourkerip · 12/10/2023 07:51

Previously worked as a teacher and there must have been one girl out of every 30 who had short hair. Maybe I'm overthinking it but I just hardly see it on women.

I should imagine it’s because it was the parents who chose the hair style, you can guarantee when they’re old enough to go to the hairdresser on their own they’ll pick a completely different style

Lindy2 · 12/10/2023 08:08

Just because other people choose long hair it doesn't mean you have to.

You're a free thinking adult. You don't need to follow trends or seek approval for a hairstyle.

If you want to try a short haircut then just do it.

If you like it, keep it like that. If you prefer it a bit longer grow it for a while. Hair grows.

NerrSnerr · 12/10/2023 08:08

Why do you care what a bunch of randoms on Mumsnet think? If you search threads for bobs or any items of clothes you love to wear you'll find people slating them because s&b is full of insecure women who put other people's choices down so they feel better about themselves.

Bertiesmum3 · 12/10/2023 08:10

Andyrourkerip · 12/10/2023 07:52

I maybe am overthinking it. I just don't know why it's so much more common to have longer hair.
I can't tie mine up fully as the hair above the neck is too short.

Go onto Pinterest and search for ladies pixie cut and you’ll find thousands of styles on ladies

BrutusMcDogface · 12/10/2023 08:10

Gaslighting and deliberately obtuse…..? Whaaaa….?

I thought mumsnet was more enlightened than to think we should conform to the societal norms of women having long hair and being barefoot and pregnant.

I honestly and truly believe that people can do what they want with their hair! A person’s style comes from many different parts of them; clothes they wear, makeup, confidence etc. Hair is just a one of many parts of that.

What about ladies who have lost their hair due to alopecia or cancer treatment ? They are still beautiful.

pastaandpesto · 12/10/2023 08:10

andtheworldrollson · 12/10/2023 08:00

I think a wider range of hair styles including lots of shorter styles was common in teenagers 30 or 40 years ago and many older people have just kept that look - my old school photos clearly show many girls with short hair - I had short hair then and now

( if you hair is thinning lots check your iron and b vitamins levels and also statins can have that effect )

It's so sad how uniform looks have become and how people feel pressure to conform

Agree with this, I think a lot of PPs are being deliberately obtuse in not acknowledging that having short hair is much less common for women and girls now than it was when I grew up in the 80s and 90s.

This does mean that choosing to have short hair can be (mis) interpreted as some kind of 'statement' , rather than a simple style choice.

DearRose · 12/10/2023 08:11

I have a buzz cut. All the women who have commented on it have said 'oh I wish I could do that'.

You can do that.

Your hair, your choice.

Vinniepolis · 12/10/2023 08:11

It’s definitely a thing in schools. My daughter cut her hair very short - looked great and she loved it - but she was constantly asked if she was a boy or trans, so she’s grown it long again. I noticed at a recent school event there were no girls with short hair - bobs yes, but nothing resembling a “boy’s haircut”. It’s really sad.

DiscoDragon · 12/10/2023 08:11

My daughter is 12 and has just started secondary school. She's had a pixie cut for a couple of years now, she hated all the brushing and maintenance involved with having long hair and was really happy when I let her get it cut short. Now though she is regularly being asked if she is a boy, she wont wear a skirt to school because she thinks girls with short hair can't wear skirts because it would look stupid. She's been mulling over the idea of growing her hair long again just so that she wont be mistaken for a boy. It's ridiculous that some people just can't seem to get their heads around the idea that girls can have short hair.

Objectrelations · 12/10/2023 08:11

Yes OP women are conditioned to have long hair in my view It's the societal view of femininity.