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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel pressured into having long hair

166 replies

Andyrourkerip · 12/10/2023 07:47

It's a chin length bob ATM, flicks out all over the place but don't want to damage it by using heat every day.
Can't tie it up as too short. I've seen so many comments on here about how 'very few women suit short hair ' 'makes you look older' 'makes you look masculine '.
Men in general seem to prefer long hair.
The trend in women under a certain age is longer hair, 99.9% of school girls have longer hair, girls are asked if they're non-binary/trans if they've got a pixie cut (seen that happen).
I've just seen a woman on the train with a very short pixie cut and it was beautiful on her.
I feel like I could never cut it that short. Ultimately who cares what people think but there's just such an undercurrent regarding women with short hair.

OP posts:
MoisturiseYourMoose · 12/10/2023 08:48

This!

Even if you’re reading things where people say it’s unattractive, won’t suit most people, etc, that is not ‘pressure’. It’s you being influenced by the opinions of others. Which is not the same thing.

Janieforever · 12/10/2023 08:49

No one is pressurising you other than you. If you want short hair get your hair cut. My best friend has short hair, she suits it and I can’t imagine her with long hair. I have long hair as I look like my nan with short hair. Everyone should cut their hair as they please, but please don’t pretend anyone else is pressurising you. They aren’t.

Catza · 12/10/2023 08:50

I don't get where you are coming from. I had short hair for the vast majority of my life and I have never heard anything negative towards that. In fact I got loads of compliments at the time. I now have a longer bob and the only reason for that is laziness and lack of money for monthly hairdresser.
The reason why teenage girls are having long hair is a combination of parental choice, money and pragmatism. Anyway, you are not a teenage girl so it hardly is relevant.
Where I come from, it is highly unusual for a woman of 30+ to have long hair. So if someone saw an adult woman with long hair, they would consider it to be juvenile. So there is a certain element of culture but certainly nothing as silly as "women with short hair look masculine" or "transgender".

VeridicalVagabond · 12/10/2023 08:50

Social pressure is a real thing, love all these people obstinately pretending it's not.

I had a pixie for a while and while I absolutely loved it, and I did get lots of compliments about it, I also got "I normally hate short hair on women but it does suit you" "don't you miss your long hair?" "I preferred it long" "are you a lesbian now?" I've never had a single negative comment or backhanded compliment about my long hair.

And yes I was an adult at the time and these comments came from adults, often older than me.

Let's remember we're talking about the real world here, not the roleplaying universe some of you live in where everyone lives in a four bed detached and has two and a half children, two landrovers and a Labradoodle.

Pretending social pressure on women to look a certain way doesn't exist does all the work we've done to push back on it a great disservice.

That said OP, do what you damn well please with your hair.

ChocolateCakeOverspill · 12/10/2023 08:51

People are being a bit disingenuous here. There is absolutely a bias towards long hair on women and I’ve seen just the sort of thing you are talking about on threads on here. You can choose to ignore it of course, but to pretend it doesn’t exist is a bit odd.

AgnesX · 12/10/2023 08:51

What do you want? Would short hair suit you and be easier for you to manage?

Who gives a shit what anonymous people think.

CrystalDay · 12/10/2023 08:51

I did get called a lesbian when I had very short hair.

Not that I have a problem with lesbians but was about 18 at the time and wasn't comfortable enough in my own skin to just not GAF.

It's good to experiment and hair does grow back. Some people suit shorter styles more than others.

Ginmonkeyagain · 12/10/2023 08:52

Hairdressers do seem very reluctant to cut women's hair short these days.

I recently went from a shoulder length bob to a blunt jaw length one. My hair dresser kept nervously checking if I was ok with that much off.

I mean it's just hair, It will grow back!

I love my ew bair cut - it looks healthy, neat and is really easy to style.

MaybeYouRanWithWolves · 12/10/2023 08:54

OP, read a thread on here about Kate Middleton; it will be full of comments about how her hair is six inches too long, needs to be cut, should be shorter. Personally I love long hair but I see loads of women with short hair and pixie cuts looking great.

NotMeNoNo · 12/10/2023 08:54

I doubt it was me on the train but I have quite a short pixie cut following slightly over enthusiastic haircut last week. Attached pic is what I aim for. It looks much better on me than long bushy thick hair that’s for sure.

It’s nothing but fashion, much of the 20th century it was normal for women to have a bob or shorter hair. It can look lovely, ok or just practical but it’s THEIR CHOICE.

Long hair of course can be lovely but I do find it boring that there only seems to be one look. I blame Princess of Wales.

Feel pressured into having long hair
Stillwaitingfor · 12/10/2023 08:56

I love short hair but when I had it I realised that it's WAY more high maintenance than long hair, which was not at all what I expected (regular cuts, more styling needed). I am all about convenience and comfort so I now have long hair.

But for you... If you want short hair, just have it?

DaaamnYoullDo · 12/10/2023 08:56

I have short hair, I'm chubby and not beautiful. Strangers literally stop me when I'm out to tell me they love my hair... it is also lilac though

Original poster
Andyrourkerip · 12/10/2023 08:56

Another thing is people claiming that their long hair only needs to be cut about once every 3 years and they don't need to do anything to it whereas short hair needs constant trimming and maintenance.
I'll have a think about it anyway. I still think there is a bias towards longer hair.

OP posts:
Janieforever · 12/10/2023 08:57

Hang on a minute, no one is pressurising the op, yes the fashion right now is long hair. 20 years ago it was short, I myself had a pixie.

and let’s not pretend women with short hair get called lesbians or trans where ever they go due to short hair, some idiots will abuse for any reason, but most people don’t give anyone else’s hair a second thought unless it’s outrageously bad or good.

as said, my friend has short hair, very short and always has, not one person has ever suggested she’s gay or trans because of it. The idea is ridiculous. The world has moved on on that front apart from some weird nutters.

the bias being mentioned is just fashion. A trend. Just like 2 decades ago it was short hair was the fashion.

Stillwaitingfor · 12/10/2023 08:58

Actually, what I really want one day is to shave it all off. But I just know I'd look like a bowling ball.

LadyBird1973 · 12/10/2023 08:58

How are people defining pressure? Surely it's feeling the weight of other people's opinions and expectations. Of course it's internalised, rather than someone physically making women look a certain way.

SquishyGloopyBum · 12/10/2023 08:58

I agree there is bias for women to have longer hair. But you say pressure- who is pressurising you? It sounds like that's coming from yourself.

Have the cut you want! I've had short hair and a pixie cut. I get bored abs grow it, then get bored and cut it off. I love it!

It is true short hair needs more maintenance- but that's factual and nothing to do with societal pressure.

cherrypeachparfait · 12/10/2023 09:02

You must feel pressure to conform in other ways as this is only the tip of the iceberg. Agree that most women have long hair but it really doesn’t mean you need to.

ManyATrueWord · 12/10/2023 09:04

Yes, too many women don't cut their hair short because they don't want to stop being part of the nubile sexually available pool for men. It's horrible and comments about "menopause hair" are really nasty. And then women deny that it has anything to do with no longer being fertile.

You cut your hair and be massively stylish. If I had a better face shape I would follow you.

SadlyACupOfTeaDoesNotSolveEverything · 12/10/2023 09:04

I have had my hair, short, shortish, bob, lob and long and never felt any less feminine.

Factually short hair requires more maintenance in trips to the hairdresser etc but long hair required hours of drying, deep conditioning etc too.

Very few styles look good just left to dry then brushed in the morning.

givemeasunnyday · 12/10/2023 09:05

I couldn't care less what I am supposed to do with my hair. It's my hair, I do - and always have done - what I wanted to do with it. However, I'm not aware of this undercurrent you speak of, but I'm not in the UK. I've certainly never styled my hair in any particular way because of a man - not that I can remember any man ever advising me on hairstyles!

givemeasunnyday · 12/10/2023 09:15

Incidentally, some girls (and boys) at our local secondary school had their heads shaved yesterday to raise money for cancer research - they look stunning.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 12/10/2023 09:16

ChocolateCakeOverspill · 12/10/2023 08:51

People are being a bit disingenuous here. There is absolutely a bias towards long hair on women and I’ve seen just the sort of thing you are talking about on threads on here. You can choose to ignore it of course, but to pretend it doesn’t exist is a bit odd.

I guess people like me who don't spend any time looking at the style and beauty/ fashion threads are less aware of these comments because we just don't see them.

LaviniasBigBloomers · 12/10/2023 09:19

I wonder how many posters saying there is no societal pressure around hair length have a wee pixie cut?

I mean, I do - but there's no doubt it's a rarity and it's vanishingly rare to see school-age girls with short hair these days.

So I get what you're saying OP but honestly, you need to feel the fear and do it anyway. I couldn't give a shiny shite what anyone thinks of my hair.

thecatsthecats · 12/10/2023 09:21

People can whatever hair they like.

I do, however, tend to think that it's simply not true that men suit short hair. Just because it's socially permissable for them to not be very good looking, doesn't mean they look better for wandering around looking like unwashed potatoes.

The vast majority of men can't get away with having short hair and/or a bald chin, yet here we are.