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Original poster

Feel pressured into having long hair

166 replies

Andyrourkerip · 12/10/2023 07:47

It's a chin length bob ATM, flicks out all over the place but don't want to damage it by using heat every day.
Can't tie it up as too short. I've seen so many comments on here about how 'very few women suit short hair ' 'makes you look older' 'makes you look masculine '.
Men in general seem to prefer long hair.
The trend in women under a certain age is longer hair, 99.9% of school girls have longer hair, girls are asked if they're non-binary/trans if they've got a pixie cut (seen that happen).
I've just seen a woman on the train with a very short pixie cut and it was beautiful on her.
I feel like I could never cut it that short. Ultimately who cares what people think but there's just such an undercurrent regarding women with short hair.

OP posts:
BrutusMcDogface · 12/10/2023 08:13

Fuck’s sake.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 12/10/2023 08:14

MissTrip82 · 12/10/2023 08:02

Nonsense.

Surely nobody is this dense.

You think there are no gendered social norms around hair? The appearance of women is not a constant source of societal comment and pressure? My goodness you’ve had an extremely unusual experience of life in this society if so.

So much faux bravado and deliberately obtuse gaslighting behaviour on this thread.

Show quote history

I really don't think the "gendered norms" around hair amount to "pressure". There are loads of women with short hair and, indeed, plenty of men with long hair too. It isn't as if the OP would be wildly unusual if she cut her hair. Most people really wouldn't bat an eyelid.

Nearly everyone on this thread has advised OP that she should do what she wants with her hair. Again, no signs of social pressure.

There are so many things where people are under real pressure to do things that they don't want. Let's not go looking for it where it really doesn't exist. It's just hair, it isn't a moral issue!

NerdBabe · 12/10/2023 08:14

I have had short spiky hair for decades because it is easy to maintain and reflects my personality. I get it cut as soon as I can't spike it up any more. Nobody has ever said my hair is too short.

SparklingLime · 12/10/2023 08:16

The trend in women under a certain age is longer hair, 99.9% of school girls have longer hair, girls are asked if they're non-binary/trans if they've got a pixie cut (seen that happen).

But how old are you? Surely none of this is relevant to you if you're an adult?

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 12/10/2023 08:19

In my group of friends one has a very short bob, 2 have pixie cuts,one has a shortish cut that's a bit longer than a pixie and 2 with long hair ,none look masculine.I don't recognize anything you're saying OP, cut your hair however you like.

Almondmum · 12/10/2023 08:21

Long hair and hyper femininity is definitely in at the moment. The false eyelashes the big pouty lips, curvy figures.

I suppose if you're interested in fashion that's where the pressure comes from.

I think the comments about short hair only suiting people who look a certain way are just dumb. There are loads of different styles of short hair and some will suit some people and some won't. But all women can absolutely look good with some kind of short hairstyle.

I mean, have you ever looked at a bloke and thought, 'he doesn't suit short hair'.?! I doubt it.

I've got short hair at the moment but I'm not interested in fashion particularly and have never been very feminine so not bothered about following that look.

Nobody has ever commented negatively about it or mistaken me for a man.

I say go for it, don't let worry about what 'society' might think of you doing something stop you - especially if it's because you're a woman.

ColinFuckingRobinson · 12/10/2023 08:22

OP, people have opinions on absolutely everything, there's no getting away from that. If you want to do something just do it. I've had hair down to my bum, a grade 2 buzzcut, and everything in between. Right now I have a pixie because I like it and I don't care what other people think women in their 40's "should" be doing with their hair. I even stopped covering the grey 5 years ago and I'm very much silver. There will be people who think very negative things about that! I don't care. I look awesome.

TitInATrance · 12/10/2023 08:22

I have long hair now, grew it out in Covid times as many did. I do find it an easy way to signal femininity - I have what MN sometimes calls “prostitute hair”. Not seen that expression anywhere else.

I had my hair cut short and curly about 10 years ago, when I often wore a trouser suit to work. I was amused to find that people in the office where I worked started being very careful with their gender-related assumptions around me. I’d worked in same location through multiple heterosexual relationships and motherhood.

You do exactly what you want with your own hair, you don’t have a duty to conform to stereotypes, although it’s fun to play with them sometimes.

DiaryLouise · 12/10/2023 08:22

I know loads of women with short hair. Odd thread.

BrutusMcDogface · 12/10/2023 08:23

ColinFuckingRobinson · 12/10/2023 08:22

OP, people have opinions on absolutely everything, there's no getting away from that. If you want to do something just do it. I've had hair down to my bum, a grade 2 buzzcut, and everything in between. Right now I have a pixie because I like it and I don't care what other people think women in their 40's "should" be doing with their hair. I even stopped covering the grey 5 years ago and I'm very much silver. There will be people who think very negative things about that! I don't care. I look awesome.

👏 👏 👏

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 12/10/2023 08:25

TitInATrance · 12/10/2023 08:22

I have long hair now, grew it out in Covid times as many did. I do find it an easy way to signal femininity - I have what MN sometimes calls “prostitute hair”. Not seen that expression anywhere else.

I had my hair cut short and curly about 10 years ago, when I often wore a trouser suit to work. I was amused to find that people in the office where I worked started being very careful with their gender-related assumptions around me. I’d worked in same location through multiple heterosexual relationships and motherhood.

You do exactly what you want with your own hair, you don’t have a duty to conform to stereotypes, although it’s fun to play with them sometimes.

What the hell is prostitute hair?!

TooDrunkToDust · 12/10/2023 08:28

I completely agree with MissTrip82

Milly16 · 12/10/2023 08:32

Had very short hair for a couple of years after chemo (by choice). Don't have amazing bone structure by any means but honestly it looked fab. Grew it out in the end as it was more work than long hair. I have no idea what random men thought, neither would it have occurred to me to care!

LadyBird1973 · 12/10/2023 08:33

@MissTrip82 I agree. So many posters on this thread are pretending that society is the way they want it to be, rather than the way it really is!

Long hair is associated with youth and beauty. When I meet teenage dd from school there are 500 girls with long hair and about 10 with shorter styles. This is very different to how it was in the 80s/90s, when I was growing up and girls seemed more individual. Maybe it's the SM influence but I think that homogeneity does put pressure on women to conform. It's probably why so many women have maintained long hair when they probably shouldn't have, due to it not suiting their face or their hair's condition.
Women who cut it all of are seen as having given up on being attractive - the exception being those incredibly beautiful or stylish women. But for average looking women, it's seen as a sexless look.

So I can well believe that the OP feels social pressure to look a certain way.
I've had long and short hair and now have a long bob. I did feel that I looked older when it was short. Looking back at old photos I can see that my hair looked nice but dd says it's a 'Karen' cut (she doesn't mean that unkindly, just with the bluntness of being a teenager).
I feel I looked older with that hair and I know that is perception and not objective fact.

Ultimately though, you have to have the hairstyle that best suits your hair condition and face shape and it will look better than trying to conform to an outside force. So OP if a striking pixie cut is what you hanker after then I would advise doing it, because if you feel good that is more important than anything else. And if you hate it, it will grow back.

Fairyliz · 12/10/2023 08:37

Surely it’s just fashion?
I was young in the 80’s and all of my friends had short hair. The only person I knew who had long hair was considered old fashioned and frumpy like she belonged to one of this weird religious sects.
Just have your hair in a style that suits you and your lifestyle.

Warum · 12/10/2023 08:40

I've had long hair, medium hair and short hair at various points - my hair, my choice, it doesn't matter what other people think. Maybe your 'pressure' is coming from within because you think you look better with long hair but feel it's easier/better with shorter hair?

Warum · 12/10/2023 08:42

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 12/10/2023 08:25

What the hell is prostitute hair?!

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Big and long, like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, or overdyed, falling out and straggly due to drug abuse/not taking proper care of it? No idea - I realise these are both silly stereotypes, not all prostitutes look like JR, neither do all take drugs.....it's such a random expression!

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 12/10/2023 08:43

So are we now saying that fashion trends amongst teenagers now amounts to social pressure on adult women?

I've had long hair, short hair and various things in between at different points. I have never felt any pressure to have it either way.

Then again, I've never been remotely interested in fashion. Maybe some people feel that they need to conform to the latest trends, but I've always viewed that as a choice that they make rather than pressure as such.

Narwall · 12/10/2023 08:45

Plenty of women have short hair, if it's what you want then that truly is all that matters. I have had a pixie cut before and for myself didn't really like it so wouldn't have one again, no one really cared though! I think in our minds we believe people spend a lot more headspace judging us than they actually do.

Brefugee · 12/10/2023 08:46

Andyrourkerip · 12/10/2023 07:48

So I mean I often wish I could get it cut into a pixie but I feel pressured to grow it.

meh. The pressure is largely coming from you. It's your hair, do what you like.

SnakeyS · 12/10/2023 08:46

Andyrourkerip · 12/10/2023 07:51

Previously worked as a teacher and there must have been one girl out of every 30 who had short hair. Maybe I'm overthinking it but I just hardly see it on women.

Well buck the trend, AND demonstrate to the girls in your class/es that they can look fantastic with short hair. Or long hair, or asymmetric hair (you get my drift!)
It’s your hair, you can do what you want with it!

Hurrayforfridays · 12/10/2023 08:46

I've had short and long hair and short hair is so much more effort. Needed cutting more often, had to be blow dried and styled every day. So I keep it longer (shoulder length). My DH says he prefers long hair but ultimately it's my hair not his (it did take me years to get to that realisation though 🤣)...

SnakeyS · 12/10/2023 08:46

Just realised you previously worked as a teacher - but my point still stands! Do it if you want to!

IdealisticCynic · 12/10/2023 08:47

I think it’s true that some men prefer long hair. I had short hair for years, thought about growing it so decided to put extensions in to see if I liked it and would then grow it. Literally overnight, more men would try to chat me up.

BUT - and it’s a big bit hence the capitals - the quality of those men who hit on me when my hair was suddenly long was much, much, lower. Men who cared far more about the concept of femininity and much less about what I had to say. Whereas before I was more often chatted up by men who were themselves more interesting and more interested. Within a few months I had the extensions taken out.

But more generally, I cannot imagine giving a shit about what society, and particularly men, think. Short hair on women is lovely and so easy to manage.

SnakeyS · 12/10/2023 08:47

Andyrourkerip · 12/10/2023 07:54

Thanks everyone, I'll try not to give into pressure and research some styles..

I can post some great short style pics if you’d like?