ABIU about in law's wanting two Santa's?

[Aismixx]

It's our turn to have Christmas at my families house.. but I have just learned that we have to go to my in laws first... Because 'santa' also visits my husband's aunt?

My husband's's aunt puts out presents from Santa on Christmas day for her great nephews (3 and 8).

So the kids wake up in their own homes and open their presents from Santa 1 and then go to their great aunt to open presents from Santa 2.

It's our first baby and he will be 11 months old this Christmas.. not old enough to understand but we will be putting out our own presents.

I feel like the second Santa crosses a boundary line? The kids great aunt has no kids and has never been married so I feel like I can't say this.

1. We have a budget for 'santa' - we could afford more but I don't agree with spending too much money on toys for kids - rather buy a few things they want and some things they need.. ie books/clothes

1. I don't want my kids bragging to others about having 'two santas'.. and other kids maybe not getting many toys at all

1. I want my kids to appreciate presents and toys as some other children don't get any

1. It wouldn't take kids long to wonder why they get two Santa's? Why he do X in one house and not in another etc.

1. I feel like it diminishes 'our santa' ? And makes it a little less special for us. Particularly when our son gets older as he will be opening presents in one house wondering what he has got at the other

AIBU to say that I am not comfortable with this? I feel like saying it for the first Christmas would be better rather than letting it happen

just play along, and then later when they're old enough tell your kids that those presents are from Aunty, she just likes to pretend they're from Santa because she doesn't have children of her own or something.. make something up to excuse it.

What's the harm in humouring her? Its all make believe any way.

I do agree. It’s annoying but she means no harm and wants the excitement of seeing the children open presents. It also ensures guests so she sees someone Christmas Day.

I do understand what you are saying but they have Christmas magic for such a short time by the time they understand and then don’t believe.

If you do it this year it will become expected. It is very kind of her and probably brings her a lot of pleasure but you can arrange to see her separately before or after Christmas day. Now is the time for you and DH to make your own family traditions how you want them to be, taking account of everyone dear to you but making sure you honour both your own feelings.

It’s not a problem, really.

Santa does different things for loads of kids ie presents at the end of the bed/presents in the living room/only a small stocking from Santa but the main presents from parents/ the main presents from Santa and no presents from parents/ presents at two different parents homes/ presents delivered to wherever child is visiting/ no Santa at all. Endless variations. Your child will hear loads of versions as he grows older so whatever his Santa does will be fine, especially if it involves more presents.

I also agree with this. Maybe let a generous aunt play along with the magic. Christmas being a family time and all that.

Sorry, I think YABU.

Santa is essentially a made up tradition and you can pitch it however you want. Kids aren't going to overthink it. You can just say Santa also visits Aunties but since she doesn't have any children she asked him to leave you a present. Kids end up getting pressies from fake santas at events all the time so I don't think it diminishes anything.

If you're worried about too many presents - well they'd be receiving these just from her instead of Santa so it doesn't really change how many presents your DC gets.

I think it is fine to suggest a smaller present or say they could really use some books/a dressing gown/slippers etc.

My “santa” used to deliver one Santa present to my mum and dad’s house, and my mum and dad and the rest of our family would wrap presents and send them to Santa for delivery. He would deliver some to our house in a stocking and some to my grandad’s and some to my grandma’s (I.e. the presents they had bought).

I never once opened my at home stocking wondering what I had got elsewhere, but it was SO exciting to have three present opening sessions.

It also got around why Santa brought me a lot of presents but not as many to others, he was only delivering what my family sent to him apart from my one Santa present.

I wouldn’t agree to that at all. My MIL suggested something similar when my first baby was born and I shut it down quick. Fast forward a few years and you are not going to want to be locked in to going to aunties house every Christmas Day.

You don't 'have' to go to your in-laws if it doesn't suit you. It's an invitation not a royal command. Now is the time to make it clear that you will not be tying yourself in knots to suit other people's ideas of Christmas.

It's our turn to have Christmas at my families house.. but I have just learned that we have to go to my in laws first

DH's aunt does not get to dictate what happens every single Christmas morning. Especially if you've decided to alternate christmases between families.

My paternal grandparents used to give us presents on boxing day. They would give us presents like a big lego set which we would open up at our own house on Christmas morning and then saller things like a Barbie, colouring pens etc at theirs on boxing day. I loved it but it was never explained as another Santa visit, just that they enjoyed watching us open presents!

I think you are massively overthrowing the "two santas" thing. Personally, I'm a proper Grinch, I tolerate Christmas at best, and I don't feel comfortable lying to my son about an imaginary man so il be keeping all the Santa talk to a minimum myself.
However, i think what they do at the Aunty's house sounds like such a lovely little fun family tradition, why not get involved? Just make it clear to your DH he's to do all the driving so you can relax!

Crosses a boundary line? Santa isn’t real. An old lady, who’s never had the fun of doing presents for her own kids, enjoys “doing a bit of Christmas” for her sibling’s grandchildren. If she lives nearby, is it really so dreadful to pop in and let your kids open some presents that someone has bought for them? Was it something she did for your DH when he was a child?

My children's great aunt does this too. It's mildly irksome but she really means well, and she doesn't have any children of her own so why not let her enjoy that bit of Christmas as it's not doing any harm in the grand scheme of things. It's a time for loving and sharing after all.

Yabu imo. Father Christmas is done differently in every family in the land, I don't think this way is a problem at all. I certainly wouldn't take a little bit of joy away from either the aunt or DC for the sake of just doing things a particular way.

In future I would just say that you asked Father Christmas to take some presents to aunt's house so they could have some extra surprises and toys to play with.

You can work with this, get them to write on their Santa letters "please leave a gift with Aunty X," telling the boys it's so she doesn't feel left out.

Then there's no second Santa or special treatment, just the boys doing something kind to include their aunt.

I'd humour her and let her say Santa found an extra gift on his sleigh for your DC. There is no harm in this. Let her enjoy the wonder of seeing her dear great nephew open his gift. If she wants to tell him it's from Santa instead of her so what it really doesn't matter. You don't have to stay for ages just let her see her great nephew for half an hour Xmas morning if you are reasonably close by. I'm a Granny now and I do early Xmas for my 2 DGS's second week of December each year. Santa leaves stockings of early Xmas gifts for DGC in my house. They are not big gifts just little things my DD has said they'd like or need. Eg Matey bubble bath, a new book bag with school logo, a chocolate Santa, a drinks bottle with favourite character on etc. They get 1 gift only from me and DH which DD picks for us to give them and kindly sends us a link so we get the right thing. DC just accepts Santa leaves a few gifts at my house for them because on Xmas Eve he doesn't have a lot of room on his sleigh for the gifts for all the DC so some DC have to get a few things early or late.

So you "have" to do this every single Xmas day? Even when you are spending it with YOUR side of the family.
Nope, I do not think that is a reasonable expectation at all.

Oh I don't know, this is the kind of thing that can get out of all proportion in people's minds. For me it would be more about the expectation of the visit rather than the santa thing or the presents. If you don't mind the visit then actually what a lovely thing to do for DHs aunt ? Christmas is a time of excess no matter how you play it , it is part of the celebration for better or worse. ( doesn't mean it has to be completely a mad level of excess ) . How lovely, your child will have family who care. But I can see why you feel uncomfortable with it too.

My in laws used to try this when giving our kids their presents. They'd say "Santa brought these to our house for you" I'd just laugh and say "No, Grandpa bought you it. He's just playing"
I'd wait until your DC is old enough to understand. Then nip it in the bud.

Yes that seems a sensible way to deal with it.

I got extremely stressed by this when my kids were little. My mother in law continued to do stockings for her family and also started doing them for her grandchildren. Frankly it was very annoying as I felt it trod on my toes as Father Christmas. It was something I really really looked forward to doing and was one of my my special memories of childhood. She comes from a culture where they didn’t even do stockings and she had this amazing alternative that she chose not to do.

Anyway, I could hardly tell her not to and in the end I did tell my kids that it was her and not Father Christmas. But they loved the extra stocking and it never really was the real one in their mind. So it all worked out in the end - but I still think it was insensitive of her.

It’s a job for parents not others. And there’s enough crap being a parent without other people stealing the good moments!

We've always had two "Santa's", because my husband's family are not from the UK so it's always been important to him that our daughter enjoy traditions from his culture. So she's visited by Julenisse on Christmas Eve, we do risengrynsgrøt (she usually wins the pig), presents from my husband's family that night, etc etc. Then Christmas day we do UK traditions.

If she ever questioned it as a child she was just told she was very lucky to have family from two places because it meant she got put on two Santa's lists. She never bragged about it to other children or questioned it much further than that, and it hasn't made her spoilt or ungrateful. She just got a bit of extra magic at Christmas.

Exactly, it is lovely for her and the children and she must love them and that is precious.

Honestly just go with it. If kids can accept that there's this guy who flies right round the world in one night delivering to all kids except their friends who don't celebrate (ie if they have any JW friends or friends that don't mark Christmas for other reasons) yet he still has time in the run up to be at the local garden centre and he eats a fucking mince pie in every house so obviously takes his time. They can also accept that Santa left a little something at auntie Sue's house.

I know how you feel I get really weird about letting my kids see 'too many' santas in case it spoils the magic but kids don't give a shit. They can perform huge mental jumps to keep the magic going.