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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ABIU about in law's wanting two Santa's?

160 replies

Aismixx · 11/10/2023 18:16

It's our turn to have Christmas at my families house.. but I have just learned that we have to go to my in laws first... Because 'santa' also visits my husband's aunt?

My husband's's aunt puts out presents from Santa on Christmas day for her great nephews (3 and 8).

So the kids wake up in their own homes and open their presents from Santa 1 and then go to their great aunt to open presents from Santa 2.

It's our first baby and he will be 11 months old this Christmas.. not old enough to understand but we will be putting out our own presents.

I feel like the second Santa crosses a boundary line? The kids great aunt has no kids and has never been married so I feel like I can't say this.

  1. We have a budget for 'santa' - we could afford more but I don't agree with spending too much money on toys for kids - rather buy a few things they want and some things they need.. ie books/clothes
  1. I don't want my kids bragging to others about having 'two santas'.. and other kids maybe not getting many toys at all
  1. I want my kids to appreciate presents and toys as some other children don't get any
  1. It wouldn't take kids long to wonder why they get two Santa's? Why he do X in one house and not in another etc.
  1. I feel like it diminishes 'our santa' ? And makes it a little less special for us. Particularly when our son gets older as he will be opening presents in one house wondering what he has got at the other

AIBU to say that I am not comfortable with this? I feel like saying it for the first Christmas would be better rather than letting it happen

OP posts:
Nevermind31 · 11/10/2023 18:39

2 Santas wouldn’t bother me (call it Santa in one and Father Christmas in the other house), but I wouldn’t be turning up at in laws when it is not their year.

StrawberryWater · 11/10/2023 18:41

If it’s your turn for XMas with your family then no you don’t also have to spent it with his (because they will ALL find a way to be there). Put your foot down.

Also she might have her traditions but it’s your turn to start making your own.

Iwasafool · 11/10/2023 18:41

cherrypeachparfait · 11/10/2023 18:38

I got extremely stressed by this when my kids were little. My mother in law continued to do stockings for her family and also started doing them for her grandchildren. Frankly it was very annoying as I felt it trod on my toes as Father Christmas. It was something I really really looked forward to doing and was one of my my special memories of childhood. She comes from a culture where they didn’t even do stockings and she had this amazing alternative that she chose not to do.

Anyway, I could hardly tell her not to and in the end I did tell my kids that it was her and not Father Christmas. But they loved the extra stocking and it never really was the real one in their mind. So it all worked out in the end - but I still think it was insensitive of her.

It’s a job for parents not others. And there’s enough crap being a parent without other people stealing the good moments!

It was an extra for the children and positive for them. Couldn't you just enjoy watching them having another fun moment?

Almostautumn2023 · 11/10/2023 18:42

The more adults that care for and want to make your child’s life magical the better I say.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 11/10/2023 18:42

I think the expectation to go there on Christmas Day is too much, maybe not so much now, but in a couple of years time. You may have a hyper child and overload of presents leading to a less enjoyable time at your parents. I would suggest maybe seeing her a different time after Christmas for the stocking this year. On the year when you are with the in laws anyway let them figure it out.

FeelInvisable · 11/10/2023 18:42

As kids we had this. I think you maybe looking too much into it. They just used to say Santa left these for you at our house. We never thought we had 2 santas.

MissFancyDay · 11/10/2023 18:42

Just say it's the same Santa, he also stops off at the aunt.

You can make up any old story for kids it's part of the fun of having them. Have fun with it.

Iwasafool · 11/10/2023 18:42

StrawberryWater · 11/10/2023 18:41

If it’s your turn for XMas with your family then no you don’t also have to spent it with his (because they will ALL find a way to be there). Put your foot down.

Also she might have her traditions but it’s your turn to start making your own.

So doesn't the dad get a say in the traditions? It's just the mum?

Iwasafool · 11/10/2023 18:43

Almostautumn2023 · 11/10/2023 18:42

The more adults that care for and want to make your child’s life magical the better I say.

Very, very true.

Original poster
Aismixx · 11/10/2023 18:45

In response to some of the questions.. yes this will happen every year.

And no she doesn't love nearby.. will be about a two hour round trip plus presents.

OP posts:
cherrypeachparfait · 11/10/2023 18:46

Well on that point you definitely don’t have to agree to it every year!

PhantomUnicorn · 11/10/2023 18:46

Aismixx · 11/10/2023 18:45

In response to some of the questions.. yes this will happen every year.

And no she doesn't love nearby.. will be about a two hour round trip plus presents.

in that case, no. that is too much out of your xmas day.

Original poster
Aismixx · 11/10/2023 18:47

@Iwasafool

No one is saying this.
It's our brand new family and we have to work around others traditions to suit others.

Families grow and change.

My families traditions are being pushed aside for second Santa at someone else's.

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 11/10/2023 18:48

You're overthinking it and risk sucking the joy out of the day. You follow that stupid rhyme don't you?

CharlotteStreetW1 · 11/10/2023 18:49

Well it's a bit OTT and I wouldn't want to be committed to something every Christmas so yanbu.

However, playing devil's advocate, I couldn't have children and I'm mostly fine about it but Christmas is the time I feel it most.

I wouldn't demand attendance from anyone but I'd hope to be included at some point over the festivities.

Original poster
Aismixx · 11/10/2023 18:50

@Oysterbabe

What rhyme is this?

OP posts:
SisterMichaelsHabit · 11/10/2023 18:51

Why can't she just give them presents? From herself? Like every single other rational adult does at Christmas?
This is batshit. Why does a grown woman live in a preposterous fantasy world where Santa visits two houses instead of just giving the children presents?
Presents are wrapped with ribbons, not strings.

MarathonBarbie · 11/10/2023 18:52

It’s not really two Santas though is it? It’s Santa making another stop to drop off more presents.
Growing up Santa always did an additional stop at my grandparents house, with the extra presents for me and my cousins coming out after dinner. I have such happy memories of the excitement of that, and the fun we all had opening extra gifts together. Certainly no memories of confusion, upsetting other kids or of it diminishing the first set of gifts. Just a lovely family tradition which I’m sure gave my relations a lot of joy.

JustAMinutePleass · 11/10/2023 18:52

Aismixx · 11/10/2023 18:47

@Iwasafool

No one is saying this.
It's our brand new family and we have to work around others traditions to suit others.

Families grow and change.

My families traditions are being pushed aside for second Santa at someone else's.

That ‘someone else’ is your DH’s aunt. Be grateful for the extra presents and move on. If you absolutely can’t keep your mouth shut around her then send your DC there with her Dad

Mrsttcno1 · 11/10/2023 18:54

Unless I’m misunderstanding, it’s not two Santa’s, it’s just Santa dropping presents off at more than one place?

I think it’s harmless and also a lovely idea, we had this growing up where Santa left presents at our house, but he also dropped some off at my grandparents so we would go there to open those. It allows them to share in the excitement of “Santa”! I think the real issue is that for you it’s a long drive, so if you want to say no on those grounds then that’s up to you of course, but making it an issue about the Santa thing feels like a fuss over nothing.

WastingTimeOnTheInternet · 11/10/2023 18:55

Why can’t it be the same Santa that visits the Aunt?
’because aunt doesn’t have children Santa likes to leave her presents to give to the children she knows to make her happy and less lonely at Christmas - isn’t Santa kind?’ - that sort of thing.

Oysterbabe · 11/10/2023 18:55

Aismixx · 11/10/2023 18:50

@Oysterbabe

What rhyme is this?

Something they want
Something they need
Something to wear
Something to read

HakunaMatiłda · 11/10/2023 18:55

So aunt wants one of the highlights of being a parent without doing any of the hard work?

BasiliskStare · 11/10/2023 18:56

We had a Christmas Day at home with presents - went to DPILs for Boxing Day and they brought out a huge sack of presents they would not send for DCs . . I didn't like it - but what do you do. I think just say how lovely Aunty . I would not worry. DCs get older so it won't be every year if you don't go every year. Stopping the tradition of Aunty on Christmas Day would be the bigger one for me. At 11 months - I would not worry too much.

BetterWithPockets · 11/10/2023 18:56

I’m with you here, OP — not because of the double Santa but because (if I’ve read your post correctly) you and your DH take it in turns to spend Christmas with your respective families and it’s your family’s turn this year. Fine, I think, for the aunt to do the second Santa every other year for your DC, when you’re visiting your DH’s family — but a two hour round trip on a year when you’re meant to be spending time with your family is a big ask. Different if she lived just down the road, I think…