ABIU about in law's wanting two Santa's?

[Aismixx]

It's our turn to have Christmas at my families house.. but I have just learned that we have to go to my in laws first... Because 'santa' also visits my husband's aunt?

My husband's's aunt puts out presents from Santa on Christmas day for her great nephews (3 and 8).

So the kids wake up in their own homes and open their presents from Santa 1 and then go to their great aunt to open presents from Santa 2.

It's our first baby and he will be 11 months old this Christmas.. not old enough to understand but we will be putting out our own presents.

I feel like the second Santa crosses a boundary line? The kids great aunt has no kids and has never been married so I feel like I can't say this.

1. We have a budget for 'santa' - we could afford more but I don't agree with spending too much money on toys for kids - rather buy a few things they want and some things they need.. ie books/clothes

1. I don't want my kids bragging to others about having 'two santas'.. and other kids maybe not getting many toys at all

1. I want my kids to appreciate presents and toys as some other children don't get any

1. It wouldn't take kids long to wonder why they get two Santa's? Why he do X in one house and not in another etc.

1. I feel like it diminishes 'our santa' ? And makes it a little less special for us. Particularly when our son gets older as he will be opening presents in one house wondering what he has got at the other

AIBU to say that I am not comfortable with this? I feel like saying it for the first Christmas would be better rather than letting it happen

@Aismixx
"she also definitely will not be lonely on Christmas day as my husband's entire side go to her house all day."

So this is the in-laws way to have part of every single xmas day... even when you are spending "the day" with your side of the family. They will also be there, at the Aunt's house.

If you do go. And I hope not. Remember to spend 3 hours with your parents next year (you thought it was such a good idea etc)... or don't actually, just spend the morning in your house.

Kids have a remarkable ability just to roll with whatever Santa related oddness is going on- he’s here, he’s there, he’s left the presents at granny’s house, he’s leaving presents at multiple houses or in your hotel or whatever, possibly because deep down they know it’s all nonsense. So I wouldn’t worry at all and certainly not about a baby.

I wouldn’t be committing to go to her house every year though.

When my kids were little, we always spent Xmas day with my parents. They used to like seeing the kids open the presents from them, so I just told my children that Santa and Rudolph needed a rest before they came to us,so they dropped some presents off at Nanny and Grandads.

Everyone was happy with that.🙂

My mil used to try his when the kids were younger, oh wait and see what Santa has left for you here, I just told he kids granny was being silly and Santa only goes to our house. She soon stopped. End of story.

like you I didn’t want the children thinking Santa brought an an endless amount of gifts and I wanted them to be able to thank the relative who spent their time and money buying a gift.

i personally wouldn’t be going along with it, especially if it adds on extra travel time for Christmas Day.

I actually think it’s ok and so the great aunt can enjoy seeing the kids open presents however maybe do it another time like the evening or Boxing Day if it’s interfering with your day?

My kids great grandma started doing this. She bought kids a gift but refused to give them it until she saw them in person on Xmas evening. We go to her house for a Xmas evening buffet. It’s actually turned out not too bad now as the kids cousins all go too so they all turn up and have a new present to open and play with whilst the adults have a nice evening. It does work well.

There’s a zero percent chance I’d be willing to add an extra two hours of travel to Christmas Day. You see them every other year for the holiday, that’s enough. Betting they’d be upset if you cut their visit short to spend a couple of hours with your family on their’ year.

Plus, I sincerely doubt you’ll be able to pop in and out. My bet is you’re going to be far more delayed than you bargain for

Thats actually dictating what everyone does at Christmas.
She's a great gran one of potentially 4 great grans. Those children probably have other Grans to, do they not get to see their grandchildren ever on Christmas night?

I know sometimes it suits to have a set routine but other times it can cause friction that one side always takes precedent.

I get what you mean. Santa is for parents to decide. We do one reasonably priced present from Santa, usually what they've 'written' about in their letter, and we buy the rest of their presents and say they are from us. I wrap Santa's in gaudy wrapping paper!
We are fortunate so I don't want them telling others about what Santa brought as it might be more than Santa buys their friends which would be confusing and upsetting. I also like them to know that our hard earned money and careful consideration went in to their gifts.

I don't agree that you should have to go to your in-laws on your family's year though, especially as it's your first with baby. Just say you'll pop by on Boxing Day etc as you're going to stick to alternate years to keep it fair and not spend your babies Christmas in the car rushing around. You can always blame babies routine if you need to.
You may also want to consider letting them know you'll be staying at home some years as older kids like to stay where their presents are.

Regards the two hour round trip on Christmas morning to your husband's aunty when it's the year you are with your family - that's a flat out no from me. Lay it down now.

Regards all the other angst about Santa that you are giving headspace to when you have an 11 month old - just get on and enjoy it for heavens sake. Plenty of time yet to worry about your Santa narrative if that's the kind of thing you get anxious about.

Just switch on the news to get some perspective on all this.

YANBU, it's a lovely idea but a 2 hour journey, on Christmas day, every Christmas day, is a PITA 🎄. Perhaps it's time to negotiate another day over the holiday period for this, or to stop it altogether

They will be spending Xmas eve, Boxing Day and New Year's Eve with aunty by the sounds of it! She's being a bit naughty to be honest.

Could this be less of an overstep than you are thinking because of different family traditions around Santa?
In my birth family, Santa brought a stocking and a few token gifts from himself, to play with/eat on Christmas morning before the real gifts were exchanged between family members (having been put under the tree for display several weeks earlier). However in my DH' family, "Santa" delivers all the gifts from himself and between family members on Xmas Eve (via some kind of vague North Pole warehousing system), and they are all "from Santa" in this way.
When we had a baby, MIL therefore expected to bring lots of gifts "from Santa" to put under the tree, which would have hugely overshadowed the stocking Santa was bringing overnight - but she wasn't trying to "steal" Santa in the way that taking a baby for its first haircut etc is "stealing" something, it was literally just a different word being used for the family gift exchange.

I struggled with this kind of think when the kids were little. But with the benefit of hindsight- the more people that love your and want joy for your children the better.

ds1 found the concept of Santa disturbing. Strange man coming down the chimney - no fucking thank you. And has never really believed.

ds2 - never believed not a day in his life.

whilst I can understand wanting the day to go just as you expect it. I recommend just going with the flow. The only thing getting wound up is going todo is ruin the day for you.

If you’re spending Xmas Eve, Boxing Day and New Year’s Eve with his family no way would I be giving up my Xmas day morning with my family on their turn. For me it’s that simple, it’s so skewed his family’s way that it’s just nonsensical to give yet more time, do they not think your family would like proper time with their grandchild too?

I see what you mean. It works for us as our kids have 2 great nans, 2 great grandads, 2 nans and 2 grandads. We see PILS side for Christmas lunch and then my side for Xmas evening buffet. So the kids see all their grandparents on the one day. At first I hated that my nan (kids great nan) was dictating this as she wasn’t like this growing up with us. My mum didn’t help either as she was fully on her mums side. My mum tried to do it too with the whole we’ll keep presents at ours until we see the kids. I said no, presents are delivered by Santa and go under the tree to be found Xmas morning.

I think the main thing I’d be refusing would be the travel on Christmas Day which is supposed to be your day with your side. So it would be a no from me.

With regard to the Santa thing - I get what you are saying but as you can see everyone seems to do it so differently I think children just accept different approaches. When I was a child my maternal grandmother spoiled us with presents from Santa as we were her only grandchildren. But we knew the presents were from her really. I think she used to say Santa left them and wink at us so we knew. My paternal grandmother had lots more grandchildren and ‘Santa’ would leave us something small there. Again we knew it was from her.

With our DS we used to stay with my parents a lot for Christmas and there were lots of cousins and my dad decided he’d do stockings even though I did one for DS. My sisters don’t do stockings so if I’d made a fuss none of the children would have had a stocking which I felt was unfair of me to dictate so I didn’t say anything. The children all knew it was all from Grandad. Other presents were all signed “from Grandad Santa”. Dad started doing the stockings when there were three grandchildren. He really regretted ever starting it once there were 11!

People do it in various ways. Santa never brought all the presents in my family, I liked my Santa presents but I also liked visiting or being visited by aunts/uncles/grandparents who would bring their presents.

We did the same with my children, I preferred the presents to not all come at once as that can be a bit overwhelming so getting some on Christmas evening or Boxing Day for example meant those presents didn't just get lost in amongst everything else.

I don't think there is a right way to do it, just the way that seems right to each family.

Sympathies to your dad. It is easy to start these things with the first GC, I'm not quite up to 11 yet but heading that way and what was lovely for one, nice for two can be a bit of a nightmare for 8, 9 or 10. Not to mention I was working with the older GC and now it's all done on a pension and it can easily run into hundreds. At the same time you can't do it for one and not do it for others.

A rod for our own backs springs to mind.

It's the summons rather than the second Santa that's the issue for me. Your DH has final say on 'his' years and you on yours.

Assume on his years you spend the day at the aunt's so not losing 3 hours to this 'tradition'.

We're also big on giving credit where it's due and not saying everyone's gifts were from Santa.

YABU.

We always had a bag full of (gratefully recieved) tat (same contents every year, became a family tradition into adulthood) from santa at my grandparent's house as well as at home.

Don't make a big thing of it.

You do know santa isn't real, yes?

Also, my SIL declared that all presents opened in Xmas morning that were given in advance (no matter who they were from) were from santa, one year to the extent of re-wrapping everyone's gifts in the same santa paper. That was the last year I handed gifts over in advance, credit (and thanks) to the gift-giver thank you very much!

@Iwasafool - exactly! The stockings never had expensive things in them just some chocolates and a few little bits. But the presents definitely added up! And of course every child had to have a different stocking. And the all remembered which was which even without tags on. The funny thing was dad was never big into Christmas when we were children. But he loved it with the grandchildren.

Seems mean, so your mum doesn’t get to see the children open them. Couldn’t your presents have gone under the tree and other people get given to them. To be fair I think it should be up to the giver to choose how/when the gift is given(within the reasonable constraints of when your actually seeing them)

It's funny isn't it. I started an advent tradition of a 50p piece every day so they had £12 on Christmas Eve and they would buy something for mum and dad wth "their" money. It was a reasonable amount 20 years ago but with one GC it was fine, a chocolate and 50p every day, when you get up to the 8 or 9 GC it is suddenly over £100 before you even think about stockings or presents and to add insult to injury the adult GC claims his old advent calendar is such an important part of Christmas that I can't stop!

Beware starting traditions.

The updates should have been in the OP. This isn't about two Santas at all. It's about his family nabbing you on the one day that's about your family. And your DH should absolutely have your back (and your family's) on this.

His are going to have you to themselves on Christmas Eve, Boxing Day and New Year? What on earth are they thinking, and what is HE thinking, in trying to steal part of your family's day?