ABIU about in law's wanting two Santa's?

[Aismixx]

It's our turn to have Christmas at my families house.. but I have just learned that we have to go to my in laws first... Because 'santa' also visits my husband's aunt?

My husband's's aunt puts out presents from Santa on Christmas day for her great nephews (3 and 8).

So the kids wake up in their own homes and open their presents from Santa 1 and then go to their great aunt to open presents from Santa 2.

It's our first baby and he will be 11 months old this Christmas.. not old enough to understand but we will be putting out our own presents.

I feel like the second Santa crosses a boundary line? The kids great aunt has no kids and has never been married so I feel like I can't say this.

1. We have a budget for 'santa' - we could afford more but I don't agree with spending too much money on toys for kids - rather buy a few things they want and some things they need.. ie books/clothes

1. I don't want my kids bragging to others about having 'two santas'.. and other kids maybe not getting many toys at all

1. I want my kids to appreciate presents and toys as some other children don't get any

1. It wouldn't take kids long to wonder why they get two Santa's? Why he do X in one house and not in another etc.

1. I feel like it diminishes 'our santa' ? And makes it a little less special for us. Particularly when our son gets older as he will be opening presents in one house wondering what he has got at the other

AIBU to say that I am not comfortable with this? I feel like saying it for the first Christmas would be better rather than letting it happen

It's wonderful that your child has more people who love him and want to get him gifts and make Christmas special for him.
It's not a bad thing. It's a good thing. My daughter is a teenager and my nan passed away when she was 7 but she still says remember how nan used to get me a stocking I loved that it was so kind

My lovely, sweet and kind MIL suggested another stocking from FC at her house, which I said was lovely but FC is doing a stocking of token toys at ours and because my children also had my parents why does FC not also deliver to them? I had older nieces and nephews so my Mum couldn't adopt this either.

I wanted my children to know who bought them presents, that meant stuff under the tree in their sacks were from us, their parents, the stocking at our house was from Father Christmas. They received presents from their relatives directly into their hands, some on Christmas day, some before which they could open there and then and some after and then their knew who to thank.

Children from other families will have,
everything brought by FC with no expense spared,
FC given a budget,
parents buy but they send it to FC and he delivers it back to their house parents buy everything with a budget,
or parents buy everything without a budget.

Dh and I came from families who did very different Christmas present buying and came up with stocking from FC and downstairs, no way was I sneaking a fully laden stocking into a room to be opened at 2am. Then a few presents from us under the tree. As we also have relatives buying for them it really starts to pile up so we keep it small.

When I was a kid I had 3 stockings every year. First one at home then second one at my childless Aunties then off to Grand for third stocking. When I was little I genuinely thought I got 3 stockings because I had been such a good girl through the year. Once I learned the truth I just played along for a few more years. My Aunty was like my second Mum all through my life. She couldn't have kids of her own but me and my sister's loved her to bits. When she was old and in a care home and I visited her often she told me several times how much she had enjoyed my childhood with me.

Two Santas aside-

I'd say no. The deal is that you are at your parents this year. The aunts rules or traditions shouldn't over ride that. It isn't a reasonable request-unless you all live near each other and can quickly pop in.

OP I understand about the two Santas and two lots of presents. They could both be up for debate, there's no right or wrong. But I'd be buggered if I was going to take three or more hours out of every Christmas Day every year for it. It would be bad enough on the years you do Christmas with the inlaws, but to take that amount of time out of the year it's your parents no way.

You're lucky in that this year IS your parents. If it had been the inlaws and you'd had to go along with it they'd pressure you by saying the precedent had been set. As it is you can say no now.

The inevitable question - where's your DH in all this?

I can see that your DH's aunt probably means well and maybe she enjoys having the children in the extended family around on Christmas Day, but the bottom line is that you, your DH and your baby are a separate family now and it's up to you how you do things. You might want to combine your family's traditions and those of your DH's family but there is no reason why one "side" should get priority over the other, and you might of course want to develop your own, completely different way of doing Christmas. If you lived very close to this lady and it was a matter of popping round the corner for half an hour at some point during the day then that would be one thing, but clearly you don't so it's not practical to see her on Christmas Day. I'd arrange to visit on another day assuming you'll be visiting your ILs at some point over the festive period. When your baby gets older you'll probably appreciate spreading things out rather than having one full on day anyway.
The 2 santas thing isn't something I'd worry about really. Kids work things put for themselves son enough anyway. My MIL has always insisted that ALL Christmas presents come from Santa so she did the "oh look, Santa has left presents for you here too" thing when we visited but in my family we didn't do that so my parents would give my children presents labelled "love from Grandma and Grandad". That caused a bit of tension as obviously whilst my DC still believed it looked like one set of grandparents gave them gifts and the others didn't but I wasn't going to make my parents change what they've always done to make my MIL happy - they were just as entitled to stick to how they'd always done things as she was. By the time they were about 7 the children had figured out the truth anyway and were just humouring adults who talked about Santa!

My Nan used to do this and we used to love it. I'd just go with it.

Never mind the two Santas, I’d be knocking on the head right now that it’s your turn to go to anyone’s family, I wouldn’t get into alternating Christmases and people expecting you to spend it with them because you went to the other side last year. As DC we wanted Christmas at home, in our own house with our new toys. DH and I made a point of not getting into any Christmas rotas, we do what suits our family, still meet up with others but not schlepping DC off to visit different relatives and spending lots of time in the car.

The distance is too far, can it be done on a different day instead

Oh I want to change my answer too after seeing it's a 2 hour drive! I was thinking more like 2 minutes. Absolutely not.

But Santa goes to everyone's house, so what's the problem?

Doesn't Santa zoom around on a sleigh at the speed of light? Plenty of time to spare. Kids don't generally question the logistics of how an obese man with an infinitely heavy sack of presents gets into at least a few billion tightly secured households in the span of one night, plus the vast amounts of espionage and admin needed to track down each recipient. So I think YABU.

You say it's your turn this year, so is it not every year that you'd be doing this?

Just let a kind family member get some enjoyment out of kids opening their presents! there's no second santa, normal santa has just left some presents there for them? I don't see the harm in it personally.

I grew up with Santa visiting our house and my grandparents' house. My DGD also gets to see what he left at Grandma's house as well as what he lives at her house. I've never thought twice about it, and I didn't need to ask my DD for this. It felt natural to her too.

Oh and he's old too, decrepit with creaking joints!

Exactly.

However, if it's a two hour drive, nope. The day is for OP's family. They don't get to lose a massive chunk of it for an auntie.

So many cute suggestions on this thread for how to make it work, so that on old lady can have her little bit of joy. You couldn’t think of anything like that yourself, because you don’t really want to involve a random relative from your husband’s side. Maybe be honest about it. Santa came to my house on Christmas Eve and he never bought a stocking. I have never to this day wondered about that. As I type this it is the first time I’ve even thought about it. Tell dh you don’t want to drive over to his aunt because you can’t be bothered, or choose one of the many many very simple ways of making it work.

@Gymnopedie

He's trying to please everyone but no way of doing so without everyone being put out in some way. We are a family now and I want to spend our first Christmas together.. took us a long long time to get our baby!

His first solution was 'so if we leave the house at 9am...' - immediate no from me lol.

Not sure what the plans will be! I don't wanna to voice my opinions on it too much as it's his family. Will stay silent until I have a plan of action. We will see her and his family no matter what Xmas eve, boxing day and will be having new year's dinner with them.

This auntie also is childless very much by choice.. she also definitely will not be lonely on Christmas day as my husband's entire side go to her house all day.

Feels like they had our full attention last year and will have it next year.. but we have to give up half our day when it's my sides 'turn'.

We used to take turns visiting parents until my eldest was crawling
Then we decided Christmas Day would always be at home for the kids sakes
Best decision ever
no one expects us to “pop in” on the way to anywhere else
We alternate Boxing Day with our parents and they are welcome to come to us for Christmas Day if they like (my parents do every other year) but our new tradition was Christmas at home!

Nope definitely not leaving the house at 9am, that's a ridiculous suggestion.

Stop think how you want traditions to move forward.
Christmas Day with one family,
Boxing Day to chill sober up.
27th to see the other.

In a year or so would you consider hosting to avoid taking LO out the house? But hosting isn't the easy option either.

This is batshit.

Nip it in the bud and do not play along.

Do not spend Christmas Day schlepping a baby from post to pillar to massage the feelings of people who should grow up.

My MIL does this and I put up with it for years but, to be honest, it had a negative impact on our Santa experience because the way she did Santa made it clear that Santa was her. So our kids worked out that Santa wasn't real and that bothered me as it wasn't what I wanted. Santa was a part of parenting I was really looking forward to and it bothered me that she couldn't just step back and let me enjoy an aspect of parenting without making it about her.

If I was able to do it again, I wouldn't let her get one single claw on Santa. Santa is a privilege of the parents. It's a piece of pure joy and fun that you can have, to balance out all the hard graft of parenting (handling tantrums, making them brush their teeth properly, worrying about them when they are sick, being up with them at night when they wake up scared, etc). And these years when kids enjoy Santa are so short. By the time they are 6 or 8 years old they see right through it. People who feel they have the right to appropriate a parent's Santa years are selfish.

We will see her and his family no matter what Xmas eve, boxing day and will be having new year's dinner with them.

The addition of this information makes all the difference and changes my vote to YANBU. That's more than enough, you really don't have to go Christmas morning as well this year is your family's turn.

No way should you agree to this. She can give them her presents on boxing day.

If she kicks off about it then she is totally selfish and childish

I agree