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Original poster

What would you tell your 40 year old self?

158 replies

Knickerbockerglories · 11/10/2023 15:18

Turned 40 today..... it has crept up on me, I don't have a skincare routine, I don't understand my pension, I have a toddler but feel like I'm winging parenting him....

If you could go back and tell yourself something at 40 (or younger) what would you say? I feel like I could be doing a better job at life but apart from a box of semi-permanent dye and considering exercise I'm not sure what!

OP posts:
FelicityFlops · 29/10/2023 21:39

Do not get married.
Get a pension.

Babywiththebathwater · 30/10/2023 21:42

I’m 40 now.
But if I could go back a bit earlier I’d say - don’t get married, don’t have kids, accept you’ll never achieve anything and that your life is largely pointless - try and make peace with it else it will destroy you.

WickedSerious · 31/10/2023 07:30

Babywiththebathwater · 30/10/2023 21:42

I’m 40 now.
But if I could go back a bit earlier I’d say - don’t get married, don’t have kids, accept you’ll never achieve anything and that your life is largely pointless - try and make peace with it else it will destroy you.

I'd definitely tell myself to not have kids if I could go back to my twenties.

Yellowishstone · 31/10/2023 07:54

Don't have a fling with a 26 year old when you're 41, it will not end well and will cause a lot of trauma.

mauveiscurious · 10/11/2023 12:10

ManchesterMama1 · 13/10/2023 19:06

I’ve just turned 40 and this is what I’ve learned over the past few years.

  • Stop trying to get back to who you used to be. Motherhood changes us in more ways than we could imagine. Honour that. We can’t move forward by looking backwards.
  • Don’t stay in a job that sucks the life out of you. Be brave and take chances and at some point it will pay off.
  • Find ways to be present. Especially with your children. The years are fleeting and raising them is the most valuable thing you will ever do.
  • Look after yourself. Health first. Quit or cut down on the booze if you can. Alcohol does not mix with young children and fast moving mid life hormones! Find movement that you like. Scrap the gym if it doesn’t do it for you and go for a daily walk. Do a bit of yoga and some short, weight bearing exercises a few days a week at home.
  • Love your body. It’s your home, be proud of it.
  • Invest in your marriage/ relationship if you have one. Communicate, communicate communicate! Find little pockets of time together where you can, even just a brew together in bed on a Sat morn whilst the kids have breakfast.
  • Go for quality over quantity with your friendships. It’s ok to have different friends for different reasons but in reality you’ll probably only ever have 2/3 real friends who will stand by you through thick and thin.
  • Spend the time you can with your parents. They are likely to be getting old. Do what you can do with them and say what needs to be said.
  • Have some talk therapy if you can afford it. We probably all need it at some point or another.
  • Realise that everything is a phase and a season. We may feel we’re missing out on our social lives now but one day we’d give up all the friends in the world to have adventures with our littles again.
  • If you can be one thing, be kind. To yourself and to others.

Finally don’t worry around growing old. It is a privilege denied to many ❤️ Each line is another year of wisdom.

I think this is so true.

I would add keep saying things to your children as they grow that are important to their health and future emotional wellbeing. Even though you are being ignored they are listening to you. Invest in making memories with and respect the adults they are becoming as they will come back to you in adulthood

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 10/11/2023 12:51

I would say: well done on losing all that weight over 3 years. If there is a global pandemic this does not mean you can regain it all again and then be unable to lose it. Each lb gained needs action or it will be 30 before you realise.
Accept DS as he is, try to work with him. Try not to get upset when he is aggressive, know he is just a kid who has more challenges than you had. If you feel you are sinking see your GP sooner.
Accept friends who chose to move on. This is not a reflection on you. You are good enough and not responsible for their choices.
Enjoy your new career, stop worrying so much about how you are doing, just do your best

Helenahandkart · 10/11/2023 13:38

Floss and use interdental brushes every day. Hormonal changes will start ruining your gums soon, and then you’ll always get bits of food stuck in your teeth and never want to smile in public again.

Daftasabroom · 10/11/2023 14:12

It's not too late to retrain and change career - you're not even halfway through FFS.

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