What would you tell your 40 year old self?

[Knickerbockerglories]

Turned 40 today..... it has crept up on me, I don't have a skincare routine, I don't understand my pension, I have a toddler but feel like I'm winging parenting him....

If you could go back and tell yourself something at 40 (or younger) what would you say? I feel like I could be doing a better job at life but apart from a box of semi-permanent dye and considering exercise I'm not sure what!

Don't apply for that job in the town

Apply for any other job but that one

It will ruin you

PS. You have ADHD

I was 40 many years ago, but I would tell myself:

-Don't feel defeated after the job loss, keep pressing instead of giving up and taking any job

-Do NOT accept that FB friend invite as much as you're tempted to

-Do not reply to that online dating message, you will regret it!

-Don't let your anxiety and depression affect you (skin picking, giving up on career, not getting out and doing stuff, etc)

You have married the one. He is just as you hope he will be. Over the next 20 yrs you will both come close to dying but your love for each other will make you both survive. Life will not be easy - it will be different but the love will still be there.

And you will still fancy him like mad!

It is not possible to create or make Happiness.
Think of it as a by-product of achievement.
What gives me pleasure is being able to enjoy the spontaneity that is impossible with school age kids.
The dog was not replaced.

Great advice thank you !

You don’t have to stay in contact with abusive people just because they’re family, and that includes your mother.

Stop wasting money on tat because you’re bored.

Start putting money aside for a “running away fund”

Use tretinoin on your skin, you can get a monthly prescription from dermatica.co.uk or skin and me. And spf every day!

Make sure you continue to exercise as a menopause body and bum isn't attractive.

If you think your health is bad now wait til a pandemic hits. Enjoy what life you have. Love freely and be as happy as you can be. The world is a selfish place and no one gives a fuck about you once your health fails you.

Lose some weight to reduce impact on my knees.

Make the most of my kids being little and be more in the moment

Spend more time with my parents

Interesting reading these responses as I have recently turned 40.
I hadn’t really thought about it before, but will take on advice re lifting weights, keeping excess weight off and spending quality time with parents (late 60’s) whilst they are still in reasonable health

This for me - with a baby. Buckle up as the next 5 years are going to cost you £80 K and 9 court cases. You will win but it will cost you your house, career and your mental health. It will take you a few years to recover. Stay away from people who do not have your interests at heart

Thanks for this

I'd tell her

You are in for the best decade of your life so far.

Don't trust 'D'H. He'll do it again. And again. And don't be so tolerant when he does.

You will look fucking hot in your 40th birthday party outfit.

The running you started to look hot for said party will continue for at least the next decade...I know... What happened to you?!

Don't be so quick to ditch XP... You'll regret it.

Enjoy watching your wonderful children turn into adults.

Stay away from electric bikes.

Invest in bitcoin asap.

Save as much as you can.
Invest in property.
Worry less about work - you’ll burn out and no one will thank you.
Learn who is most important in your life and make time for them.
Be kind, but assertive.
Don’t feel selfish for thinking about what YOU want - it’s your life.
Listen to your DC and make sure they feel loved.
If you can afford it, travel.
Exercise
Use retinol

Great thread, following for pearls of wisdom!

Go for it with the other man - he loves you whereas your husband’s behaviour is going to get worse and worse and he will hurt you, and your children, terribly.

Get braces ASAP.

Don’t waste any more time, money or energy on that mare!

That she’s doing OK with the single parenting but needs counselling in the absence of ANY decent emotional support.

That DM and DF in their mid-60s are not doing childcare one day a week because they want to see their grandchildren (as they say), but because they think it eases the financial burden - it actually doesn’t much, and is a strain on them.

That work is not so important that it can’t come second to family life.

I’m so sorry for the pain this has caused you. Please be kind to yourself.

Check your breasts, breast cancer isn't an "older persons" illness. If I'd done this I'd have caught mine earlier and may have avoided a mastectomy, chemo, rads and further surgery two years later.

Don’t marry him. Under any circumstances.

In fact, I’d tell my 39 year old self to run for the hills. Fast.

Don't do that stupid childcare course, because once your kid is no longer a toddler and you hit perimenopause the idea of spending all day with 2 year olds will have rapidly lost its appeal. Do a creative writing course instead, it's not too late despite the fact you really should have gone for this when you were young and had a real talent for it.

Love this !

Stop lying to yourself about things being alright and lying to others saying the same.

This thread is fabulous (and sad, and inspirational, and gut-wrenching). I turn 40 in a few months so am loving the wisdom here!

My dad died unexpectedly in 2020. I was so, so fortunate because I was very close to him and we spent lots of time together. So, as someone who has already lost a parent, I CANNOT emphasise the "spend time with your parents" advice enough. Knowing you've done this, and knowing they knew how loved they were, will be hugely comforting when they pass ❤