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Original poster

What would you tell your 40 year old self?

158 replies

Knickerbockerglories · 11/10/2023 15:18

Turned 40 today..... it has crept up on me, I don't have a skincare routine, I don't understand my pension, I have a toddler but feel like I'm winging parenting him....

If you could go back and tell yourself something at 40 (or younger) what would you say? I feel like I could be doing a better job at life but apart from a box of semi-permanent dye and considering exercise I'm not sure what!

OP posts:
LQNavarro · 12/10/2023 19:30

For God's sake divorce him now, it'll only get worse.

Stop smoking.

Don't ignore the early warning signs of arthritis.

mildlydispeptic · 12/10/2023 19:30

Strap in, because it's going to start with a cancer diagnosis and end in a divorce. But it'll come right in your 50s. Oh, and don't be so afraid to blow things up, in both jobs and relationships.

WarriorN · 12/10/2023 20:19

Interdental brushes. Get the dentist to show you.

Socksey · 12/10/2023 20:43

Bin the dye and chill...

Socksey · 12/10/2023 20:45

Seeing what's going on now I've clearly just read the initial op... look after yourself and don't take sh1t from those closest to you. 👊

ClematisWren · 12/10/2023 20:48

I'd tell myself that the gradually worsening insomnia, anxiety, brain fog and poor concentration isn't just work stress, it's peri-menopause! Start HRT, don't wait years thinking you're just being pathetic because you're not having hot flushes, you'll feel back to your normal self within a week of starting it!

Retinol night cream and factor 40 day cream is great, start it sooner rather than later.

IncreasinglyGrumpy · 12/10/2023 21:07

Id say it goes so fast and enjoy it all - ignore the Instamums, just do you and your little ones. All the fun stuff was worth it, your adult children 35,32,29,27 will remember it - stuff like putting codes on Xmas pressies so they didnt know whos was whos and me having to open them as id forgotten the code, breakfast toast cut in funny shapes, Halloween hot dogs - stuff like that - the fun stuff - so really enjoy all of that it was worth it - Also enjoy your health if you have it and look after it - get the CBD ready for menopause flushes, do everything now !! Happy 40s xx

Slav80 · 12/10/2023 21:16

I would say: two years from now you will become a mum, it's going to be a tough ride, I am not gonna lie, you will feel like your life literally started over and not always in a good way but trust me one day you will wake up and find yourself exactly where you'd always wanted to be - happy.

MintyCedric · 12/10/2023 21:20

Nothing I could have told myself at 40 would have prepared me for the last 8 years tbh.

Putting that whole shit show to one side, what I will say is that I expected the physical aspect of turning 40 to be a slow slide downhill. Instead it’s been more like dropping off a cliff.

Nothing terrible but general aches and pains, the need for reading glasses, grey hairs and 101 other little niggles have all materialised a lot faster and sooner than I anticipated.

80sMum · 12/10/2023 21:23

I would say to 40-year-old myself - "Don't fret about being 40. You're not old! Celebrate being young, while you still are! Exercise a bit more, make sure you get plenty of calcium and vitamin D - and when you reach menopause, get onto HRT straight away!"

Spookymormonhelldream · 12/10/2023 22:06

Divorce him now. The signs are all there and it doesn't get better.

Sjh15 · 12/10/2023 22:31

some of these are really sad. I hope you’re all ok

coolkatt · 12/10/2023 23:13

skin care is a
money racket. wash your face with water. a half decent moisturiser.
everyone is winging it hun. just hardly anyone admits it. just don't believe all the CRAP on MN and other SM that we are all
perfect. no one is.
pension i honesty wish i had done earlier and i was warned about all this in my 20's and have a half decent pension now at 48 but still will have to keep
working till 67+ make this a priority. holidays. here or abroad but have something to look forward to all the time. whether it's in a year or a month or 4 months. pay them up if u need to. but have somewhere to look forward to.
wages. if u cannot afford to buy urself once all ur bills are paid and whatever there's something wrong. you work hard. if u can't afford a wee treat, even second hand stuff, make up or something, change. u don't work to live.
other than that i love my 40's enjoy every year, some folk didn't get the privilege x

JamSandle · 12/10/2023 23:21

funinthesun19 · 11/10/2023 16:40

Still 33 at the moment. But what I will say to my future self is that I hope the choices I make now, make you happy in the future.

I love this!

SouthernBelleGal · 12/10/2023 23:33

Don't sweat the small stuff and enjoy time with your children, they grow so quickly and won't always want to spend time with you.
Marriage, if you have doubts 2 weeks before the big day trust them and don't do it! Even if pregnant, it'll be tough but you'll survive and be happier.
Move closer to family while you can, it'll save a lot of upheaval later.

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/10/2023 23:34

It will all work out fine 😃

cremona · 13/10/2023 09:29

ClematisWren · 12/10/2023 20:48

I'd tell myself that the gradually worsening insomnia, anxiety, brain fog and poor concentration isn't just work stress, it's peri-menopause! Start HRT, don't wait years thinking you're just being pathetic because you're not having hot flushes, you'll feel back to your normal self within a week of starting it!

Retinol night cream and factor 40 day cream is great, start it sooner rather than later.

Retinol night cream and factor 40 day cream is great, start it sooner rather than later.

Are there particular brands you’d recommend @ClematisWren?

Mum1976Mum · 13/10/2023 09:40

It all gets shittier from 40 so prepare yourself! Health problems, people dying, no money as kids are expensive. Life’s shit!

ManchesterMama1 · 13/10/2023 19:06

I’ve just turned 40 and this is what I’ve learned over the past few years.

  • Stop trying to get back to who you used to be. Motherhood changes us in more ways than we could imagine. Honour that. We can’t move forward by looking backwards.
  • Don’t stay in a job that sucks the life out of you. Be brave and take chances and at some point it will pay off.
  • Find ways to be present. Especially with your children. The years are fleeting and raising them is the most valuable thing you will ever do.
  • Look after yourself. Health first. Quit or cut down on the booze if you can. Alcohol does not mix with young children and fast moving mid life hormones! Find movement that you like. Scrap the gym if it doesn’t do it for you and go for a daily walk. Do a bit of yoga and some short, weight bearing exercises a few days a week at home.
  • Love your body. It’s your home, be proud of it.
  • Invest in your marriage/ relationship if you have one. Communicate, communicate communicate! Find little pockets of time together where you can, even just a brew together in bed on a Sat morn whilst the kids have breakfast.
  • Go for quality over quantity with your friendships. It’s ok to have different friends for different reasons but in reality you’ll probably only ever have 2/3 real friends who will stand by you through thick and thin.
  • Spend the time you can with your parents. They are likely to be getting old. Do what you can do with them and say what needs to be said.
  • Have some talk therapy if you can afford it. We probably all need it at some point or another.
  • Realise that everything is a phase and a season. We may feel we’re missing out on our social lives now but one day we’d give up all the friends in the world to have adventures with our littles again.
  • If you can be one thing, be kind. To yourself and to others.

Finally don’t worry around growing old. It is a privilege denied to many ❤️ Each line is another year of wisdom.

Donewiththisshit · 13/10/2023 19:08

Leave him now, you are not old or fat or ugly. There’s plenty of time.

Clarich007 · 13/10/2023 19:11

I would tell my 40 year old self not to worry about your health so much relax and enjoy life because you will still be here at 72, with a happy 50 year old marriage still going strong !

NoraLuka · 13/10/2023 19:23

This is a lovely thread. I’m 41 and never quite sure what I should be doing - DM, DGM and auntie all had breast cancer in their 50s and I keep feeling I should be making the most of things while I can (so far this has taken the form of attempting a half marathon and buying a motorbike 😁) but it’s stressful to be thinking like this.

MintyCedric · 14/10/2023 22:14

ManchesterMama1 · 13/10/2023 19:06

I’ve just turned 40 and this is what I’ve learned over the past few years.

  • Stop trying to get back to who you used to be. Motherhood changes us in more ways than we could imagine. Honour that. We can’t move forward by looking backwards.
  • Don’t stay in a job that sucks the life out of you. Be brave and take chances and at some point it will pay off.
  • Find ways to be present. Especially with your children. The years are fleeting and raising them is the most valuable thing you will ever do.
  • Look after yourself. Health first. Quit or cut down on the booze if you can. Alcohol does not mix with young children and fast moving mid life hormones! Find movement that you like. Scrap the gym if it doesn’t do it for you and go for a daily walk. Do a bit of yoga and some short, weight bearing exercises a few days a week at home.
  • Love your body. It’s your home, be proud of it.
  • Invest in your marriage/ relationship if you have one. Communicate, communicate communicate! Find little pockets of time together where you can, even just a brew together in bed on a Sat morn whilst the kids have breakfast.
  • Go for quality over quantity with your friendships. It’s ok to have different friends for different reasons but in reality you’ll probably only ever have 2/3 real friends who will stand by you through thick and thin.
  • Spend the time you can with your parents. They are likely to be getting old. Do what you can do with them and say what needs to be said.
  • Have some talk therapy if you can afford it. We probably all need it at some point or another.
  • Realise that everything is a phase and a season. We may feel we’re missing out on our social lives now but one day we’d give up all the friends in the world to have adventures with our littles again.
  • If you can be one thing, be kind. To yourself and to others.

Finally don’t worry around growing old. It is a privilege denied to many ❤️ Each line is another year of wisdom.

Agree with every point…

ClematisWren · 29/10/2023 21:09

@cremona apologies for the late response!
I just use the Boots No7 retinol night cream - it's cheap for retinol and does the job well on my dry, sensitive, wrinkle-prone skin.
The day cream is one of their's also - I just buy whichever of the factor 40 creams happens to be on offer at the time. I don't think it matters much which brand, just find something that suits your skin.

WickedSerious · 29/10/2023 21:15

Don't buy that house,rent until something else turns up.

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