What would you tell your 40 year old self?

[Knickerbockerglories]

Turned 40 today..... it has crept up on me, I don't have a skincare routine, I don't understand my pension, I have a toddler but feel like I'm winging parenting him....

If you could go back and tell yourself something at 40 (or younger) what would you say? I feel like I could be doing a better job at life but apart from a box of semi-permanent dye and considering exercise I'm not sure what!

My life is so much better than when I turned 40, and I'm only 42 now. My advice to myself would be stick with it and trust your decisions. I took on a professional qualification that was too much and I burnt out from it though.

This is the year you get divorced and you're going to soar from this point on.

Watch your weight, get your eyes checked you probably do need glasses, spend time making special memories with your Mum and your Aunties one day they won't be around and you will be heartbroken, go the extra mile for your teens, pay as much as you can into your pension, enjoy every day and in 2 years time you will find out your DH of 21 years cheats on you. Value yourself and bin him off, the love of your life is waiting for you in the future. Everything will end well.

I would tell myself

Get away from that man
Talk to your mother more often
Spend more time with the children rather than cleaning

My sister just said she would tell her self not to have another child when she was 46.
When her oldest had just moved out and she had her life back now in her 50s with a primary age child.

Gosh some of these are really sad. I hope you're all OK.

Leave him now. You really can, marriage is supposed to be happy.

Happy birthday, At 40 i would tell myself to do as many physical things that i have on my list. I had so much energy and there was nothing i couldn't do, now halfway through my 50s i really don't have as much energy and arthritis has set in. Climb that mountain, walk that long distance path or dance all night.

That you can be perimenopausal at 40 and not to let the GP fob you off as "too young".

Invest in pensions, skincare and the people that matter.

Be true and kind to yourself.
Do the job you care/love.

Build muscle now because your body is about to change. Spend more time with your parents because after years of seeming ageless, time is going to catch up with them. Also this thing called COVID is going to happen soon, but don't worry, the world won't end and things will be normal again before long.

Get fit, stay fit
Start lifting weights.

If your weight creeps a couple of kilos, lose them, don't let it be 'oh I'm only a kg more than last year'
Trying to lose weight during peri/menopause is soul destroying.

I’d say ‘those few pound you’re putting on will be a few stone in 20 years’.
Sadly they are.

Don't buy the flat you're going to buy in a year.

40 is still young enough to follow your dreams!

Wear sunscreen

Start lifting weights.

And this

The thing about lifting weights is that apparently it continues to burn calories and does good things to insulin regulation etc. plus bones. And you can just generally feel better.

But don't go gung go and all out; paced is better as otherwise you feel really achey and crap for far to long!

Eat more plant based protein - beans, chick peas etc. you need a little more protein and in peri you need the fibre.

The whole 30 plants per week thing as advocated by Tim Spector. Quite easy when you just start adding in batch cooked vegan meals here and there. Gut health. No need to spend £££ on gadgets; it's all out there to find.

Michael Mosely has done a "just one thing" series on radio 4 and there's an extended interview with Spector where he gives the lowdown basics of how to approach it all. MM's other episodes are really encouraging too, especially the strength building ones

Oh, Pilates, Pilates Pilates....

Only 45 but if I could go back ten years and give my 40 year old self a heads up.

Firstly I'm another one who is saying don't let your GP send you off with a your too young for it to be perimenopause. Get yourself on hrt. Wish I had started 5 years ago and maybe my vagina may have retained a bit more of it's youthfulness and I wouldn't have suffered years of awful anxiety and migraines

Enjoy getting older, your body is going to change but that's ok, you aren't in your 20s and 30s anymore and that weird little bit of skin that appeared overnight under your chin is actually quite comforting in a weird way

If you are unhappy in your job and a career change is possible just bloody for for it as there is a good chance you have another 20 years in the new career

Check out your pension, check out your pension and check it again. Work out what you want retirement to look like and when you want it to start and try and get a plan in place

Hang out doing lovely stuff with your parents as much as you can

Having a baby a month before you turn 40 is bloody brilliant, your family will feel complete and she will fill your life with so much fun and love. Also having a teen and a very opinionated 5 year old will be a nightmare some days

Your kids dont need you less in some ways they need you more. No bum wiping anymore and alot of the time they just need you to listen. Teens need you alot but only on their terms

Heads up, people with start dying! Family members and even an occasional friend/colleague

Get measured then buy a good nonwired bra.
Are you sure that hairstyle is the best for you. Get a good CUT then fiddle with the details like colour.
That sport you did when young. Can you go back to it?
Go out somewhere different each week, a treat. Even if you can only afford a bus ride on a route you don't usually travel. Chat to someone on these days.

Divorcing is the right thing to do.
Learn about Autism sooner
Maybe don’t go into teaching. Find a career that pays a good wage and leaves you more energy for your family.
Start moisturising your neck.
It will all come good.

There are two things you think are really good ideas - they are not, don't do them.

Keep your baby. Or you'll still regret and feel bad about it for the next 10 years. It will ruin the time you should have been enjoying with your first child and you will never be the same. You could have coped with the problems you imagined were there, you stupid woman.

I agree with getting any excess weight off before menopause hits. Take advantage of your energy levels and don't put off any holidays that you fancy, you don't know how your health will go. Don't worry about skin care, you won't care in your 50's post menopause. Even if you look younger at 50, you're still 50. I've found supplements, multi mineral and vitamin useful. As soon as menopause symptoms start, ask for a HRT and take onboard some of the lifestyle recommendations.

LOSE WEIGHT and yes I would be shouting it louder than loud. because trying to do it after 50 is fecking tough but after the menopause is almost impossible. Plus start weight training because that muscle is going to drop off you quicker than shit off a shovel., do it today dont put it off. thats what I would tell me.