What would you tell your 40 year old self?

[Knickerbockerglories]

Turned 40 today..... it has crept up on me, I don't have a skincare routine, I don't understand my pension, I have a toddler but feel like I'm winging parenting him....

If you could go back and tell yourself something at 40 (or younger) what would you say? I feel like I could be doing a better job at life but apart from a box of semi-permanent dye and considering exercise I'm not sure what!

That I will get pregnant again - and give birth to a wonderful baby

Stay single
Stay independent
Stay child free
✊

Lift weights
Watch the weight creeping up
Don't trust men

Recent beginning weights thread from the weights room.

Advice - beginner http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/theweightss_room/4901158-advice-beginner

I do think some hiit is good too.

Apart from anything hiit doesn't take very long

Well at 40 I was coming to terms with the fact I’d never have children. I’d tell myself not to worry, everything is going to be OK.

36 on Monday, trying to get some tips!
My relationship has just gone down the pan (again) and I feel very stupid, hurt and sad.
So my new goals (before I hit 40) will be to spend more time with the kids and stop tearing myself into little pieces trying to accommodate people who won't stick around anyway (3 times previous and I ended it this time). Be strong about this decision!
Find myself again, explore what makes me happy - really get to know myself again (I don't know who I am right now).
Spend time with other people and actually get out of the house.
Keep on top of the house more on days that I'm working so when I have a day off, I can do something rather than clean.
Lose weight (again) and keep it off rather than think that it will just stay off regardless what I eat - I'm not as young as I used to be.
Love myself for who I am, I'm me and special!

So many positives in this thread looking towards being 40! Thank you op!

Don't send your DS to boarding school, they are vile institutions. Most right minded people know this already of course.

Would have appreciated my health more. Thank goodness I took out Critical Illness Insurance in my thirties. Children are only on loan, they grow up so fast. Live in the present. Love & support your closest family, they are the ones that will be there to support you when the chips are down. Friends come and go.

I'd have told myself that no, not everyone wees when they run or jump after they've had a baby. It's not normal to have to push against your perineum to have a poo. I thought everyone had to do that after childbirth. It never occurred to me to mention it to anyone. I've been doing it for 15 yrs until someone said I had prolapses.

So, get your vagina checked by a physio.
Ask the smear nurse to check you also.

If you have even one instinct you might need HRT, get it now.

I'm 45 and should have got it at 41/42. I thought it was my own fault I couldn't stop crying all the time, that I wasn't making enough effort with DH. Please also see above re:prolapses which were rapidly getting worse due to vaginal atrophy.

You’re going to regret giving up on a career, so retrain and study now, if not mid-30s.
Enjoy this time before peri hits like a bad storm.
Don’t bother regretting your choices, life is okay.
Move more.

Thank you all so much, I’m happy with DH/family and going to check my pension/sort my finances….

I’m going to re read this thread and make a list of to dos and reminders of the important things, thank you for sharing your wisdom (and warnings) and experiences. I love the way MN can be such a source of wisdom and kindness 😊

any specific recommendations for weights or skincare? Retinol? I’m clueless and there are so many options 🥴

I love this thread! I’m only 36, but if I look back a decade (had my daughter at 19) I’d say a lot of similar things. Try and build strong bonds with your kids before they are teens because they just want to do their own thing once they reach that age. Re skincare; stay off sunbeds/ out of the sun as much as poss and wear factor 50SPF that’s the only skincare you actually need (I work in this area) I agree it’s good to stay active & healthy but also be kind to yourself. Go to therapy if you have any kind of childhood trauma or it eats you alive! Yes great to invest in a pension, but make sure you travel and do the things you love!

Easier alternative to weights is resistance bands:

Gritin Resistance Bands, [Set of 5] Skin-Friendly Resistance Fitness Exercise Loop Bands with 5 Different Resistance Levels - Carrying Case Included - Ideal for Home, Gym, Yoga, Training https://amzn.eu/d/eKRuhSB

I got these and they're fine.

Use with:

Pension. I am 45 and grew up very working class with no one ever mentioning pensions. I left the UK from 31-37, and it was during this time that work pensions became mandatory. I was self-employed when I returned to the UK and was 40 before I even realised I needed a pension. I took one out at 42. I am now retraining and hope to get a public sector job just for the pension.

Health issues often appear in ours 40s. Scary as they are be prepared to take them in your stride

@Knickerbockerglories I’d say pick your battles and never worry what people think
about you. Also have confidence in your own decisions. And take one day and one step at a time. I also had a baby when I was 40, nearly 41, and another when I was 45 so my forties and fifties totally revolved around child rearing so I would also say, don’t forget about you. You are the heart of the family and it would all fall apart without you so look after yourself so you can look after everyone else.

I'd say that life really does begin at 40! I spent my 20s in abusive relationships and my 30s in a depressive haze, but at 40, I finally started to live and to learn to set boundaries and prioritise my own happiness.

Hopefully this does not mirror your 20s and 30s, but I think your 40s could be a time when you start to prioritise things that make you happy and start to not worry too much about what other people think?

I have no clue about pensions either but for skincare, I've been loving some K-beauty (Korean beauty) products that are relatively cheap but really nice to middle-aged skin. I particularly like the brand CosRX - their Snail essence is a great moisturiser. My skincare: old fashioned - cleanse, tone and moisturise, with an occasional mask.

My physical health is a bit hit and miss, but if it was better, I'd be joining a Crossfit gym and looking into calisthenics or possibly running.

As I am very unfit, I'm focusing on walking more and the free programme here:
https://www.bemobilephysio.com.au/8-week-program-registration?utm_campaign=fitness-festival&utm_content=rego-open&utm_medium=email&utm_source=email-broadcast&utm_term=existing-list

~

(55 years old here)

"Don't wear ballet flats everywhere, you're ruining your feet and knees.

Do pelvic floor exercises

Leave your job, it sucks. It doesn't matter that you work hard and you are good at it. Your managers are arseholes who don't appreciate you.

Black doesn't suit you.

Try and build bridges with your brother. You have more in common than you know."

Agree with the lifting weights. Resistance training is everything

One thing I would tell myself at 40: clear and consistent boundaries really matter with teens. Don't let pester-power win, especially when they are after money!

Becca's Health With Holland IG channel has loads of useful information on this, as does Tim Spector's IG channel.

Don't date loud 'look at me, I'm the star of my own show' types....they might be charismatic, funny etc, but they could also be self-centred narcissists....