Those with high pressure jobs, what was worse, maternity leave or the job?

[Desupi]

First time mum here due in March and very clueless! I work as an Executive Assistant to a high profile indivudual. Don't get me wrong I do like my job most of the time, but it can be highly stressful too.

I keep seeing all these posts on social media about how being a new mum is depressing, exhausting, you lose your identity etc, and it is making the whole thing quite daunting. However, I will have 9 months off work and think to myself how nice it will be to spend time with my baby and not have to think about work at all.

I appreciate that as I have never had children before I likely have no idea what is coming. But i guess what I am looking for is for some opinions on how you found maternity leave?

I'm not talking about working. Lots of parents work...they have to. What I'm talking about is those who actively dislike being with their baby and prefer being at work. Just don't bother having one... surely that's easier?

I can't even understand why the ONLY mental stimulation people can find is at work.

By all means, get a career you love, do a job you really thrive in. I loved working in a high pressure, very busy role, and frankly more than well paid. I can't personally imagine being in a boring role where you start looking at the clock at 9:05am and you have to invent something to do.

It's only a job however, it takes away any time you need for the other interesting and stimulating things you want to do. Job title mean nothing, they don't define you.

Some you can't do with a baby, but many you can, without mentioning that it's ok to enjoy spending some time with your baby

@Frontgarden I disagree with what you said too, though of course it's only your opinion. I'm a ward sister, busy heavy frailty ward overseeing care of 36 frail elderly unwell patients. I love my job, it's challenging but rewarding. I would call it a professional role and definitely not shit. I much more enjoyed taking a year off to cuddle, feed etc my baby. I took him out every day and found it easy and enjoyable, much easier than work 😆

My career is absolutely a big part of my identity, I worked incredibly hard in a male dominated industry to get to where I am today.

I have hobbies and other things that I enjoy of course but nothing has ever come close to the mental stimulation that I get from work,

Has anyone actually said that though? Not that I saw. They were talking about maternity leave which obviously means not working.

Some people just prefer the balance of working and being with their baby so may find maternity leave to be difficult because the balance isn't there.

Currently on mat leave with twins, taking a year off from a high pressured role, was nervous prior to going off as I like to keep stimulated and busy and haven’t previously had much interest in babies and related activities.

However, I’m loving it! I don’t think about work at all, enjoy every day with my babies (even the days we stay inside in our pj’s all day) and generally just feel happy.

I know this sadly isn’t the case for everyone, but don’t be put off by the negative stories you hear (usually much more often than the positive ones), it could be the best 9 months of your life so go into it open minded.

Loved being at home, never been fond of my office job but Jesus, did I miss the company. All of a sudden, I was the entertainer and organiser of fun. I much prefer being entertained by others. I really missed adult company until I worked out Mother and Baby Groups. They kept me sane.

Maternity leave was so good, I did it for 10 years and they were the best years. Now about to retire and that will be even better.

Maternity leave was so much easier and less stressful. It was such a gift to be able to take a full year. It felt like a holiday, and I had an exclusively breastfed non-sleeper for one of mine. However my husband was very supportive and appreciated the amount of work that goes into looking after the baby, which makes a big difference. I think after a stressful job, looking after a baby is tiring and frustrating, but it isn't stressful or difficult. Good luck!

THIS

@Frontgarden “time with DD is shit compared to my job

at work I don’t have to clean my co workers shit off their legs, tell them to stop pulling at the tiny strands of my hair all day, sit on a yoga mat and sing mindless songs, get on my hands and knees at lunch go clean mashed up banana off the floor.

if you enjoy that more than work then your job doesn’t sound that great tbh.”

How strange that those moments are all you see time with your baby as! I see time with my baby as making him laugh, watching his little personality develop, wonder at all of the amazing developmental milestones he hits! The BEST snuggles, being looked at with undivided love, being able to meet up with friends for lunches/coffees/playdates without having to reschedule a million times due to the stress and general busyness of working life. You know it’s possible to hang out with likeminded people/mums and have stimulating conversations and not just “mindless mum chit chat”?

My mat leave was a wonderful break from the everyday stresses of working life. It also felt much more fulfilling knowing I was shaping this little humans future life, than what (now that I’ve returned to work) feels like an utterly pointless and unnecessarily stressful job!

I feel really sorry for your child that all you see is cleaning up poo & banana and not all of their wondrous moments :(

There was at least one poster who said they loathed spending time with their baby, yes. Hopefully they enjoyed the toddler phase a bit more!

Loved my first mat leave - hours just staring at my baby and pottering about with other moms Didn’t enjoy 2nd mat leave - unsettled baby and juggling the needs of an emotional older child. Felt quite suffocated.

I love my job, I’m a teacher in a secondary school (pretty stressful in my opinion), and I was so worried I wouldn’t take to being a mum - that I wouldn’t enjoy it and my life would be ‘taken away’ from me. But, I absolutely love it. Being a mum is the best thing I’ve ever done. Don’t get me wrong, it can be really hard and exhausting, but I love being by with her everyday. I’m dreading having to go back to work!

Top tip - try to get out everyday and adapt what you’d usually do to include a baby. Maybe squeeze a few baby things in too (like a group), as it’s a great way to meet other new mums.

pp made it sound like it was every other poster!

It's true that some people just don't enjoy the newborn or baby stage, I'm one of those but I've found that so far, it's getting better the older he gets (he's currently 10 months) and I definitely don't hate every minute, I just don't love it as much as some people seem to.

Some may love the baby stage but not enjoy the toddler stage. I imagine it's completely normal to simply not love or enjoy every single parenting stage.

It depends on two things: you and your baby. If your baby doesn’t sleep, is collicky, (spelling?), a Velcro baby, or frequently ill AND you struggle with the incomprehensible-until-you’re-there level of sudden loss of independence and their complete dependence on you - you will be counting down the days until you return to work. Yes they will be the best thing to ever enter your life and you will love them unconditionally and have lots of good times, BUT it is bloody hard work. I have what can be considered a stressful job that lots of people burn out from, but it is the easiest part of my week

I loved maternity leave, but was also happy to return to work and enjoyed the balance- it helped that DS enjoyed nursery and that I could go part time until we were both ready for full time. Reality is everyone is different and it's umpossible to know how you'll feel until it happens. I personally found maternity leave easier than work even though I was very poorly for a chunk of it; others don't and that's fine too- depends on circumstances and job I guess.

I had a high stress job as a City solicitor before having my first baby. Absolutely loved maternity leave (not dealing with unreasonable bosses/clients, long office hours, worry over deals) and 12 years later have not returned to work!

Maternity leave feels hard and boring because at the beginning babies are relentless. I started to love it around 3 months in (by which time my baby's colic had cleared up, she fed less frequently, smiled and babbled, her personality was appearing.) I formed a routine, met new friends, did mostly what I wanted when I wanted.
I took a year off from being a Marketing Manager which is really stressful (but often enjoyable too). I think I started to realise how undervalued 'care' is as a concept. I really struggle with the work-life balance now as I feel like neither get my full attention!

I have quite a high pressured job and I did enjoy maternity leave but I was raring to go back when I did and use my brain in that working way again! I do distinctly remember difficult periods and thinking ‘I would rather be at work now’ but that’s probably just the craving for alone time as I wfh most of the time.The most difficult thing is the juggle now - I missed out on a couple of really great opportunities to advance my career recently because I just couldn’t put in any more time then the extra time I was already putting in but still ended up only seeing DC for around 20 minutes each day last week. It is hard.

Mat leave , I felt like my brain was rotting. My job is really stressful and intense, but I have to be really mentally agile, deal with crises and high risk situations. I found the repetition of mat leave very difficult and yes I got out every day went to baby groups, walks, gym, galleries, museums, coffees etc. Nothing replicates having to react to a high risk public protection situation, the time pressure, the barriers to overcome, the knowledge that if you don't handle it impeccably people are in danger.

I had a fairly demanding job (meetings til 6pm, overnight work trips away, lots of targets and budgets, my role had key impact on overall business success or decline). And I absolutely LOVED maternity leave.
it was so nice not to feel stressed on Sunday night knowing I would be questioned on the previous weeks trade. Or getting up early and being in the office pre 8am.

being with little one (who was not an easy baby!!) was joyful

Worth noting that often people come on here when things are tough and to ask for advice - so it seem like everyone is having those issues when many people aren’t.
I felt the same way you do before I went on mat leave. I have a three month old and normally a v demanding job. I like my job and have always been v work focused and wasn’t sure I wanted kids until later on.
I feel like it’s not really possible to compare the two things.
Caring for a newborn is tough, especially the first two months, (tougher than my job) but it’s also such an incredible time, unlike anything else - such as working.
It sounds as though you are self-aware of what some of the challenges could be and having that awareness is a good first step to helping prevent some of it - especially loss of identity. This was a big fear of mine too. For this, I’d recommend when you go to activities and meet other mums, try and ‘find your tribe‘ and do things that feel genuine to you - don’t try and act differently or make out things are perfect, and don’t carry on going to an activity if you don’t like it. I’ve found most new mums are v friendly and want to have a chat about it all which includes a moan which is healthy! Try and chat to lots of different mums at activities and see if anyone wants to go for a coffee afterwards - i find people are generally v keen to!
Also on maintaining identity, I find that clothing is important to me to help me feel myself. Lots of maternity / breastfeeding clothes are a bit plain and generic so I ditched the breastfeeding specific clothes after a few weeks (any top of a breastfeeding top if you lift it up!) and went through my pre-pregnancy clothes to find the ones that were looser and fitted me after giving birth and then bought a few new items on Vinted that were more me.
I’d also say try to get out the house each day - even if it’s just round the block - I do this most days but not religiously - it’s also nice to sit on the sofa all day Sometimes and watch my baby sleep 😊
Also now I’m over the initial two months, I’m starting to carve out a little bit of time to do things I really want to by planning with my partner - this includes an hour a few early evenings a week for a bath with my book, and a friend gets a manicure - little things really do help you feel more normal.
I think what also helped me most was saying to myself early on ‘This is the job in hand’ - so raising a baby is what is required of me now so try not to think too much about everything else, such as comparing it to working - its different, and the pace of life is different.
it’s an incredibly important role and genuinely magic time so go with it and try and make the most of it - it’s really amazing and lovely to watch your little human grow and change so quickly and as tough as it is I love it now after the initial period of finding my feet. Good luck 😊

My daughters teacher was the same (might be the same person) and she was an amazing teacher

Such a lovely response 💕