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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Those with high pressure jobs, what was worse, maternity leave or the job?

284 replies

Desupi · 11/10/2023 14:05

First time mum here due in March and very clueless! I work as an Executive Assistant to a high profile indivudual. Don't get me wrong I do like my job most of the time, but it can be highly stressful too.

I keep seeing all these posts on social media about how being a new mum is depressing, exhausting, you lose your identity etc, and it is making the whole thing quite daunting. However, I will have 9 months off work and think to myself how nice it will be to spend time with my baby and not have to think about work at all.

I appreciate that as I have never had children before I likely have no idea what is coming. But i guess what I am looking for is for some opinions on how you found maternity leave?

OP posts:
Comedycook · 11/10/2023 18:18

ginandtonicwithlimes · 11/10/2023 18:01

Parents need a break sometimes. Stop with the guilt trip.

Show quote history

Did you not read what that poster had said first?

Basically mocking women who enjoy spending time with their babies and saying how they must have awful jobs.

Newsflash...when you're in your deathbed, your job won't mean shit.

ginandtonicwithlimes · 11/10/2023 18:21

Didimum · 11/10/2023 18:09

I also just wanted to add that having multiples is a very well known risk factor in increased PPD, PPA, multiple health ailments and, to boot, rates of divorce. The world of ‘getting about and Mat leave is not designed for one person with two babies - not public transport, the width of doorways and pavements or layout of cafes, nor baby groups or even NCT classes. To add that all to the above and claim ‘negative mindset’ is pretty insulting.

Show quote history

Hats off to you. I see a mum with twins that are about 19 months old and I can only imagine how hard that is.

Comedycook · 11/10/2023 18:22

Unfortunately that post I'm referring to has now been deleted

Ilikepinacoladass · 11/10/2023 18:22

I didn't start enjoying it and feeling like I was having 'time off' until about 6 months. Before that it didn't feel like a holiday it mostly felt like hell and a daily struggle for survival haha.

Inca22 · 11/10/2023 18:24

Babies are much, much easier. Have no idea how people think hanging out with your baby for a year is hard!!

Flamingogirl08 · 11/10/2023 18:25

Frontgarden · 11/10/2023 14:18

From experience the only people I know who enjoyed maternity leave more than work were those with shit jobs or let’s say not professional roles

I am used to having my brain challenged, working with large teams, travelling etc. so maternity leave was shit in comparison. I had the easiest baby, who is absolutely amazing but I’m so happy she is now in nursery Grin

Jesus

ginandtonicwithlimes · 11/10/2023 18:25

Comedycook · 11/10/2023 18:18

Did you not read what that poster had said first?

Basically mocking women who enjoy spending time with their babies and saying how they must have awful jobs.

Newsflash...when you're in your deathbed, your job won't mean shit.

Show quote history

To be fair you aren't coming out better with your comments to be honest. I don't particularly like my job, only work part time, but I'm enjoy talking to my colleagues and not being stuck with a one year old who prefers to climb all day. Sometimes it is nice to be away from that. Plus I can drink a cup of tea in peace!

ginandtonicwithlimes · 11/10/2023 18:27

Inca22 · 11/10/2023 18:24

Babies are much, much easier. Have no idea how people think hanging out with your baby for a year is hard!!

It is hard in that it is monotonous plus not all of us get the full year paid.

Flamingogirl08 · 11/10/2023 18:28

I enjoyed maternity leave, it's easy when they're that little as you can take them everywhere!

Get yourself out and about and arrange lunch dates with friends etc.

People have said about entertaining babies but you absolutely don't need to do that. Just do what you fancy and they tag along.

Throw in some baby classes or whatever and see if your DH can have some leave and maybe have a little holiday.

I don't have a 'shit job' as a pp suggested and I enjoyed my maternity leave.

Nevermind31 · 11/10/2023 18:31

Hard in different ways. Lovely in different ways
but work will never be the same once you go back - the pressure of having to race home to do pick up, the pressure when your child is off sick…

NeedToChangeName · 11/10/2023 18:31

I loved being on mat leave. Lots of time to do everything, baby was wonderful, house spotless, healthy home cooked meals

But, long-term, it didn't really suit me. By the time I returned to work, I was ready for it

carlydiamond · 11/10/2023 18:31

Maternity leave!

Didimum · 11/10/2023 18:34

Comedycook · 11/10/2023 18:18

Did you not read what that poster had said first?

Basically mocking women who enjoy spending time with their babies and saying how they must have awful jobs.

Newsflash...when you're in your deathbed, your job won't mean shit.

Show quote history

No, I didn’t. And apologies, I should have. I don’t think it’s fair to say no one will give a shit about their jobs on their death beds however. Some people’s jobs are centred around their passions are are very linked to their identities - and that’s not a bad thing if it brings them joy. A happy person will be a happier parent.

ChampagneLassie · 11/10/2023 18:35

Hmmm I LOVE being a mum but by 9 months I’d have loved to go back to work. I didn’t have a job so had to find one and a nursery place so in end my LO was 18 months when I started work. Working is MUCH easier. My job is very straightforward, previously I had much higher level and stressful job. Either way I think it would be easier than FT mumming.

squidnames · 11/10/2023 18:35

Work is much harder. Being a working mum (I have an intense high paying job) is insanely hard.

Ilikepinacoladass · 11/10/2023 18:38

Inca22 · 11/10/2023 18:24

Babies are much, much easier. Have no idea how people think hanging out with your baby for a year is hard!!

Hanging out with a baby isn't particularly hard. Hanging out with a baby when you've had 2hrs sleep for the last 7 nights and the baby won't nap all day, keeps puking and having explosive nappies is what makes it hard. Every baby is different though I'm sure some a lot 'easier' than others! Seems that most people start to enjoy it more after the 4/6 month mark, when the baby starts to sleep better, things like reflux have calmed down, breastfeeding if well established etc

Stinkypete1 · 11/10/2023 18:39

Solicitor here. Maternity leave was a breath of fresh air. I've never felt so calm and I didn't feel anxiety the whole time I was off. And this was with a colicky baby who screamed for 10 hours a day, suffered with silent reflux and would only sleep upright for the first 7 months of her life. Absolutely loved it and can't wait to do it again.

Gowlett · 11/10/2023 18:40

It was just me & baby most of the time at home, due to COVID. It was such a nice time in our lives.

BMrs · 11/10/2023 18:43

I loved both of mine. I found it an adjustment first time as I was so used to busy days but I got our for lots of walks, baby and toddler groups etc.

Ilikepinacoladass · 11/10/2023 18:45

Stinkypete1 · 11/10/2023 18:39

Solicitor here. Maternity leave was a breath of fresh air. I've never felt so calm and I didn't feel anxiety the whole time I was off. And this was with a colicky baby who screamed for 10 hours a day, suffered with silent reflux and would only sleep upright for the first 7 months of her life. Absolutely loved it and can't wait to do it again.

I wonder if it's slightly concerning that your job is more stressful/ unenjoyable than that 😅

Stompythedinosaur · 11/10/2023 18:48

Maternity leave was worse for me. The whole no sleep, tricky breastfeeding, loss of my identity think was a killer.

Work is very stressful, but when I went back we shared the night waking more evenly, and I was able to have a coffee or go to the loo alone.

Hollybelle83 · 11/10/2023 18:51

Gopred1 · 11/10/2023 17:38

Loved maternity leave and had stressful busy job. Did not want to back.
All these people who say they hated being at home with their babies, why did you have children in the first place?
You don’t get that time back so make
the most of it.

Maybe hate is the wrong word. I found my first mat leave really challenging for lots of reasons. DH was gone from dawn til dusk, no family close by, none of my friends had children, feeding was really hard and restrictive, I was an anxious first time mum, missed daily adult company and a routine, baby didn't sleep in the day and wasn't very content. That said, I made the best of it, made friends with NCT crowd, made an effort to see people / do things every day. I was just very happy to go back to work and be me again. Had totally the opposite experience second time though. So much depends on so many variables.

Stinkypete1 · 11/10/2023 18:54

Ilikepinacoladass · 11/10/2023 18:45

I wonder if it's slightly concerning that your job is more stressful/ unenjoyable than that 😅

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Absolutely! Getting through to second mat leave then will think about my options! It's amazing what you can deal with when you're used to working under pressure though 🤣

ThatMrsM · 11/10/2023 18:55

I found the first 3 months of mat leave tough but then it got easier. I actually find being a SAHM to my 18 month old and 3 year old much more enjoyable than mat leave as the toddler phase is just more fun and interesting for me.

Also, pre children I had a high pressured scientific/technical job and was very career-focussed, but that changed when I had my second child and I've decided to take a couple more years off. You never know how you'll feel until your baby arrives!

TeeedleDum · 11/10/2023 19:01

Flamingogirl08 · 11/10/2023 18:25

Jesus

Show quote history

Yes I totally disagree with the original post. I'm a director of a company and I've loved maternity leave. To me it feels like being on holiday compared with work - I'm dreading going back. To be fair, I've had a very easy baby. I would also recommend doing something everyday once you find your feet even if it's just a walk - my worst days have been those spent all day in the house on my own. I also paint and garden which helps me relax but whatever hobby works for you. Good luck!