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AIBU?

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Original poster

Did this really happen?! Why didn't I react?

139 replies

NCforthis23 · 09/10/2023 23:05

So today I was out shopping with DD who is a toddler and was in her pram.

We went to a large department store and got in the lift, an elderly couple got in. The lady took an immediate shine to DD and was trying to make her laugh.

The man positioned himself behind me and started rubbing my bum! I shifted forward away from him but said nothing and got out at the next floor.

I'm wracking my brains wondering why I did nothing. I feel ridiculous, I'm always so confident but I literally did nothing 😓

OP posts:
AprilMayBeJune · 09/10/2023 23:10

It’s the shock and disbelief this is actually happening, and the fear of being accused of lying if you kick up a fuss, or that they will turn nasty if you do call them out.

I’m sorry you had that happen Flowers

MidnightOnceMore · 09/10/2023 23:10

It is very common to freeze when shocked. Flowers

You could report if you want to, there is often CCTV in a lift.

Be kind to yourself, you've been assaulted, it's not a small thing (although sadly still too common).

PieceOfRose · 09/10/2023 23:33

Please report OP. If he’s that brazen to do it in front of his wife and a child in a lift to a stranger- then he’s definitely done it before to someone else

Draconis · 09/10/2023 23:36

When this happened to me, it was confusion. Is this really happening? Kind of confusion and I did exactly the same as you.

Hiddenvoice · 09/10/2023 23:39

I’m so sorry this happened to you. You froze because you were shocked and that’s a very typical response.

Have you spoken to anyone in real life?

Please consider reporting op, he’s awful enough to do this with his wife and a baby around then I worry what next.

You have been assaulted, please take care and be kind to yourself.

AmazingSnakeHead · 09/10/2023 23:41

How awful, I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I agree that it's worth reporting. It's assault, and it's absolutely awful, let alone when you're out with your daughter.

You didn't say anything because in reality your body freezes. You were stuck in a confined space with your little vulnerable girl and a couple of strangers. Fear of them turning nasty or of escalating the situation is perfectly normal in this situation. As awful as it is, you probably did the right thing by not saying anything but just removing yourself and DD to safety as quickly as possible.

Go easy on yourself and report if you feel able and up to it.

R37sraY · 09/10/2023 23:44

When it happened to me I didn’t care. Maybe we were different on 1990.

Maddy70 · 09/10/2023 23:50

Did he think he was stroking the baby ?

Foreveristoolong · 09/10/2023 23:54

R37sraY · 09/10/2023 23:44

When it happened to me I didn’t care. Maybe we were different on 1990.

Yes the 90s when perverts ruled supreme and got away with it . Wtf 🤬

Foreveristoolong · 09/10/2023 23:55

Maddy70 · 09/10/2023 23:50

Did he think he was stroking the baby ?

The baby was in the pram ……not stuck to OPs bum cheeks ! He was just an opportunist pervert assaulting OP when his wife was distracted and he needs to be reported there may even be cctv

Cuttysark4321 · 09/10/2023 23:56

So sorry this happened to you.
I would be inclined to report this before this man goes on to do something more serious

fedupandstuck · 09/10/2023 23:58

It's a common reaction, people think that it's either fight or flight, but freeze is also really common. Don't beat yourself up for a response you had no control over in a situation that you didn't choose or want.

You can report it if you feel able to, there may be CCTV video or other reports.

fedupandstuck · 09/10/2023 23:59

Maddy70 · 09/10/2023 23:50

Did he think he was stroking the baby ?

I'd think you were joking, except you'd have to be pretty damn weird to joke about an incident like this. WTF is wrong with you?

LocalHobo · 10/10/2023 00:00

Sorry it happened to you, and sorry for his wife. I wonder if part of the reason you didn't react was an instinct to protect the wife.
What a disgusting and disrespectful freak.

fedupandstuck · 10/10/2023 00:00

R37sraY · 09/10/2023 23:44

When it happened to me I didn’t care. Maybe we were different on 1990.

No, you're just a minimising apologist for a sexual predator. The decade is irrelevant. You may not have cared, the very large majority of us in 1990 would have felt the same as the OP.

Ashdown17 · 10/10/2023 00:02

Report it if you feel up to it OP but don't feel at all silly for reacting the way you did.

I like to think I'd turn around and scream in a man's face for doing something like that to me now, but I know from previous experience my reaction was also to freeze up and do nothing. Sorry this has happened to you.

Maddy70 · 10/10/2023 00:03

Oh stop it. I'm not justifying it. Im Asking could it have been a mistake ! I once had an awkward moment where I thought I was stroking my cat but it was my friends leg

Cowlover89 · 10/10/2023 00:03

Definitely report x

LadyB49 · 10/10/2023 00:06

You could ask to see the cctv.

jlpth · 10/10/2023 00:08

I wonder if they have CCTV in the lift, to catch shoplifters or whatever.

jlpth · 10/10/2023 00:09

I should think you didn't react as it was such an unexpected thing to happen, you had your child to protect so you did the safest thing which was to avoid an altercation.

fedupandstuck · 10/10/2023 00:09

Maddy70 · 10/10/2023 00:03

Oh stop it. I'm not justifying it. Im Asking could it have been a mistake ! I once had an awkward moment where I thought I was stroking my cat but it was my friends leg

Of course you are justifying it. That's exactly what you've just done, there, again. FFS. The toddler was in the pram. Why would this man have thought he was stroking the toddler (also weird and boundary crossing!) when he was stood behind the OP.

Fionaville · 10/10/2023 00:13

Definitely go easy on yourself. None of us know what we'd do in those exact circumstances. He is a dirty old perv and men like him get away with it because women have been subconsciously trained to be silent for generations! His wife was being nice to your baby, in that moment you didn't want to upset her. It's irrational, but shocked people do irrational things. I'd report it and try to get the CCTV. It could help another female. Maybe a young girl next time. 💐

Cecilisacaterpillar · 10/10/2023 00:16

R37sraY · 09/10/2023 23:44

When it happened to me I didn’t care. Maybe we were different on 1990.

I vividly remember it happening to me in 1990, I would have been 16 and I definitely cared.

decionsdecisions62 · 10/10/2023 00:20

What a bizarre situation for you op. Report it.