Did this really happen?! Why didn't I react?

[NCforthis23]

So today I was out shopping with DD who is a toddler and was in her pram.

We went to a large department store and got in the lift, an elderly couple got in. The lady took an immediate shine to DD and was trying to make her laugh.

The man positioned himself behind me and started rubbing my bum! I shifted forward away from him but said nothing and got out at the next floor.

I'm wracking my brains wondering why I did nothing. I feel ridiculous, I'm always so confident but I literally did nothing 😓

Thank you. How awful that people think that way - women too, thinking immediately of an excuse for a man to grope a woman.
It’s either dementia or ND that’s now the go-to excuse to avoid having to face the fact that sexual assault of women by men of all ages is very, very common. And absolutely deliberate.

Many years ago a man sat next to me on a train and started to touch my leg. After some time he then put his hand up my skirt. It only stopped when another man sat opposite us. I’ve never told anyone. It’s not your fault x

the instinct of avoiding hostility when in a claustrophobic small space with your small child is extremely strong.

Nothing felt like it was (at the time) the safest thing to do. Of the 4 trauma responses freeze seems to be the most common.

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/fight-flight-freeze-fawn-trauma-responses

This happened to me too and I reacted exactly the same as you. I agree with others that it's shock and disbelief.

I would report it. The shop will almost certainly have security cameras and you won't be the only own new done it to 😢

A pub my DH and me used to go to has a bar with an open end for the bar staff to go through to collect glasses etc. the wooden top of the bar lifts up and latches onto the wall to keep it open. A man (same man every time ) would position himself just inside the opening making it awkward for the staff to get through, he’d stand leaning on the bar with his elbows which meant his arse stuck out. If male bar staff went through he’d stand up straight. The female staff had to squeeze past him. I observed him for weeks, he’d often turn around to face the female staff as they went through which meant his chest rubbed their breasts. He could so easily have moved to one side to let them pass. But of course he didn’t.
I mentioned it to DH within earshot of the new male bar manager (tactical manoeuvre on my part) I saidId hate to work here having to get past the letch at the open hatch, he’s getting off on it. DH agreed.
Next time we went in there was a notice on the wall “Bar staff only in this area”.
Felt quite proud of myself.

Or maybe you’re just a sexual assault apologist.

Similar happened to me once on a tube and I did the same as you. It's not your fault.

1. You are really fucking naive if you assume all older men who grope women must have dementia. Sometimes - certainly not always - men with dementia can behave inappropriately. But statistically it’s much more likely he was simply a pervert.

1. Even if he did have dementia, that doesn’t mean the victim has to put up with being sexually assaulted.

I worked in a care home with dementia patients for a couple of years when I was younger. I had two (out of about 40) male patients who were gropers. One of them had only recently started doing it as his dementia became advanced. The other one, as we discovered from his relatives, had been groping women and girls all his adult life so dementia didn’t actually change anything there. We (ie the female carers) weren’t allowed to enter his room without a male carer present.

Yes, me too. I think that was the most upsetting thing - realising that his veneer of respectability and authority meant he could just cruise through life doing exactly as he pleased - doing stuff like this to any girl or woman - with impunity and no fear of repercussions. He could easily have been a doctor or a lawyer, someone in a position of trust. I’ve had many similar - and also far, far worse incidents - but this one sits with me, I think for that reason. The feeling of powerlessness in the face of such confidence and arrogance.

And the way assaulted me in broad daylight and in full view of other people, and yet looked straight through me like I was nothing, also made me hyper aware of how so many men viscerally hate women and see them as ‘less than’ - just objects. I wonder if the women in these men’s lives ever have any inkling of who they really are?

So sorry to the OP and everyone on this thread who’s had to deal with this bullshit 💐

Pmsl

Yup. Me too. I was a child of 14.

@EnjoythemoneyJane I had this too. I was almost 15 and his fingers were right inside me. I froze. I was in a church in a foreign country and I felt ashamed to make a fuss. I wouldn't wish it on anyone but knowing in not the only one who froze makes me feel less ashamed.

I was yelled at and called names when I tried to tell someone (a parent). They did tell me if I tried to tell police I would get laughed at because it wasn't really sexual abuse.

It may not have been but that still doesn't make it ok does it ?

what did you do OP? Did you ask them to check the cameras?