Can someone explain how a parent could not invite their child on holiday?

[Tunisbaby]

I just don't get it. How could any parent invite one of their biological children, not the other? How does that thought process go? 'What about... DS1... nah'
I could never ever imagine forgetting to invite my child or thinking about booking one child place and not even giving a second thought to enquiring with the other parent.
I get kid free holidays completely. But choosing to only be a parent to one child for the week when you have a seven year old at home is just bizarre.
Can any parents explain why this is ever thought to be ok?

One of the most reasonable comments on this thread.

It would appear from OP that the dad doesn’t prioritise his first son at all. Why any subsequent woman would think he was a prize catch I don’t know, certainly wouldn’t be someone I would like to be with and certainly not someone I would risk having a child with. A shit dad is a right turn off.

Do you feel the same about women with kids? That no men would choose them unless they had self-esteem issues?

From reading your post the holiday isn’t really the issue, it’s because your ex doesn’t prioritise your son at all and he is constantly being pushed aside in favour of the new family which isn’t ok.

@Tunisbaby the way I see is if he’s taking one child on holiday he should be taking the other one too. If it’s with his other child or not is irrelevant. My kids dad has another child and kids are not treat the same. Not even close. He barely sees them and frankly can’t be bothered to. Any olive branch I reach out he lets them down. My advice yr child will eventually see how bad his behaviour is.

@Thisismynewusername1 Quote: "I can afford to take both my kids on holiday. It doesn’t stretch to two more children.

his ex takes them on holiday with her new husband.

all the children get a holiday.

So why does “equal” seem to mean two children getting two holidays and two getting one? Or even two getting a holiday and two getting none, because taking four away is too expensive?"

i think your're missing the point. It's not about how many holidays each child gets, it's about a father treating his children differently. Whether the mother can contribute to the price or not is also irrelevant -It's not the child's fault. If the dad cannot afford to take all of his children on holiday then choose somewhere different or don't go. The same way a nuclear family would not take one child away because they could only afford to take one. It clearly sends a message that the child is less worthy. it's treating his own children differently.

Because of dh never being invited on family holidays he has no shared experiences with his half sibling and now that her mum has died and her dad is getting on I can't help but think how sad and wasted it all was. They should have really nurtured that sibling relationship for both dh and his half sister as she's gonna be the only family she has left soon. Instead they chose to prioritise the three of them. Actually referred to themselves as a triangle as it's the strongest shape in the funeral speech in front of his dad's other child 🤨

All that's left is a feeling of resentment and exclusion. So yes, if a nuclear family parent would not take one child and leave another then neither should a dad who had a 'new' family.

Is anyone asking you to?

I disagree. Older child will have had holidays without their sibling. Equal doesn’t mean exactly the same.

Realistically if you had two potential spouses that were identical save for one of them having kids the one without will be more appealing.

I think there's a little bit too much emphasis on your child being the prodigal first born.

He's not going to love his subsequent children less, you seem to expect preference of your child because of a simple appearance earlier on a chronological timescale. There are no medals for that.

When a household separates into two, there will inevitably be things that don't align like a nuclear family. But this can be mitigated very much by the parents. It's very much common sense, and just the way logistics lie, that a child split between two households won't do everything in both. It's down to the parents to make sure the child realises that they have to split their time, and that's ok.

Your inability to afford it is not your ex's problem

We have the DSC on our calendar - is that wrong? It helps us plan. Do you write on yours when they are at their dads?

It would appear from OP that the dad doesn’t prioritise his first son at all. Why any subsequent woman would think he was a prize catch I don’t know, certainly wouldn’t be someone I would like to be with and certainly not someone I would risk having a child with. A shit dad is a right turn off.
Agreed. Being a shit parent isn't down to whether the holidays are exactly the same. Being a shit parent is prioritising a new relationship and family unit over existing children and not bothering with some of your children.

This thread got me noticing that people don't seem to mind one child in the new family getting double the holidays (a set with mum and a set with dad) whereas children only from the new relationship get fewer trips (just the one with mum and dad). Sameness only seems to go one way. One child in the blended family gets to go on holiday with their mum without step/half siblings, but the other from the new relationship with dad isn't able to because it must be open invite if dad goes on the trip.

That's a really terrible attitude to me. As a parent I'd never think "well my DC has had a holiday with their other parent, I don't have to take them now." I would never go on a holiday with one of my children and not the other.

@ChristmasCrumpet there is no suggestion at all on the op post you have quoted that op wants her child's father to love her child more than his other children.

It's very revealing that posters are changing the ops and others points rather than successfully explaining why it's ok for a father to only invite one of his children on holiday.

@echinaceadreams or the ex's inability to afford to take all of his children on holiday, is not the excluded child's problem. One sure way to make a child from the 'old' family feel obsolete and replaced.

Boris Johnson?

Do you feel the same about women with kids? That no men would choose them unless they had self-esteem issues?

Yeah, I think a lot of men see women with kids as low-hanging fruit too. For different reasons.

I also think men are more likely to rule women with kids out of their dating pool, if they can.

@notlucreziaborgia its a bloody low bar though

Is he taking his other child during time that is usually spent with your child? If so, it’s wrong. If it’s during time that you spend with the child, it’s not wrong. You can’t expect him to not live his and his family’s life when you have the child.
My step children go away with their mum and with us. When we have a child of our own, we will take them all away together and we will also go away with our future child when they are with their mum. They spend two weeks with her over summer, we wouldn’t just sit around waiting for them to come back.
I also doubt that you offer to take your child’s step sibling on holiday with you.

That isn’t what I said though is it.

Okay 🤷🏻‍♀️ still not something that’s being asked of you.

@Beezknees Agree. The whole point is that as a parent you want to spend time on holiday with your children no matter which relationship they're from as you love them equally and you're not some self serving arse who would exclude one of your children so as not to miss out yourself and to save some money.

Quite.

Exactly this. It's not about tit for tat and children having to have the exact same number of holidays. It's about, as a parent, wanting to experience these things with your children, and for your child to have these experiences with you. I just don't get how anyone could be comfortable going on holidays with one child and never with the other.