Can someone explain how a parent could not invite their child on holiday?

[Tunisbaby]

I just don't get it. How could any parent invite one of their biological children, not the other? How does that thought process go? 'What about... DS1... nah'
I could never ever imagine forgetting to invite my child or thinking about booking one child place and not even giving a second thought to enquiring with the other parent.
I get kid free holidays completely. But choosing to only be a parent to one child for the week when you have a seven year old at home is just bizarre.
Can any parents explain why this is ever thought to be ok?

As someone who has a partner with two children from a previous relationship, this clearly needs more information. Did you offer to contribute to the cost of your shared child going on said holiday? Why should one parent have to pay for the full holiday for your child, should offer to pay 50/50 of the e cost for child of you really wanted him to go.

Your child will do things with you that his sibling will not do, so why should his half sibling have to share every moment with their parents? It’s important to recognise that child too, and not just your own in the situation.

Also, I presume the other child is a fair bit younger so they may not even need to pay for that child to go to centre parcel and it won’t be so expensive to keep a young child entertained there without adding costs for extra activities. A 7 year old would be much more expensive to take than under 3, so if their child is under 3 consider that.

Exactly. I think sometimes the "everything must be identical/ equal all of the time" brigade make things 10x worse.

If you're kicking off with your child's other parent because he took his "new" children to the aquarium when yours were with you for the weekend for example, you're going to make it seem to your child like it's a problem when really it isn't
I agree with you.

Picture the situation

Two parents have a child called Sophie.

They split up.

Mum and step dad have a new child called Mark.

Dad and step mum have a new child called Freya.

Sophie has to be included in every trip or holiday that Mark and Freya get, even though step mum and step dad might have different situations.

Step mum and step dad might have children from previous relationships, so now not only does Sophie have to be treated identically to Mark and Freya, but her experiences are also dictated by what step mum & step dad's ex partners do with their children as well, because Mum and Dad aren't allowed to do anything with Sophie's half siblings unless the step siblings from their previous relationships are also invited.

Fair doesn't always mean equal, and dare I say it if someone is a shit parent following a split then the holidays aren't the big issue. Their shit parenting is.

I think if you asked children with separated parents whether they’d rather have extra holidays and two Christmases or have their parents together the vast majority would choose the latter. I think two Christmases is a pretty poor consolation prize (and I say this as a divorced parent), particularly with the attitude of some step parents and non-resident parents on here and in real life- who treat DSC as second class citizens and less important than their ‘new family’

You have ‘misunderstood’ OP it’s the Stepmother who is a callous person
As it seems to me that the OP are ‘hinting’ at a terrible stepmom.

As usual the man is a weak willow, wisp of a man.
Evil stepmom in the background. 😂

I don’t think it’s quite so clear cut, OP. My DH & his ex have an agreement, for example, that he takes his DSs (my DSSs) on a winter holiday; their mum takes them on a summer holiday. So DH, our DD & I have a summer holiday that doesn’t include my DSSs. Likewise, my DD doesn’t normally go on the winter holiday with my DH and my DSSs — so DH & DSSs have quality time together then. (I take my DD away then, just the two of us, so WE have quality time together too.) If we go away at other times, we’d normally go away all of us together but it’s not black & white. My DH has sometimes taken all the kids away and I’ve not gone if I’ve been working.

It really depends doesnt it.

I wouldnt want my child going on a week long holiday with a new step sibling if they hadnt spent much time together. And by time, I mean full weekends and sleepovers.

As kids, me and my sibling were separated and we had a mix of holidays, sometimes we both went with dad, sometimes we both went with mum, sometimes we just went with the resident parent.

You need to make sure you dont make this into a problem for your child if it hasnt registered.

@LolaSmiles puts it perfectly: Fair doesn't always mean equal, and dare I say it if someone is a shit parent following a split then the holidays aren't the big issue. Their shit parenting is.

My thoughts exactly! The amount of people defending this is both shocking & depressing.
It is not ok to write-off you kids from first family cos you have a new one
Can cause major self esteem issues in the child

And you are considering being a step parent thinking its ok. Please go find someone else with no kids.

YANBU OP. So many men do this. If they can't afford to take both kids, maybe they shouldn't have had more kids then. And if their wife doesn't like it, shouldn't have married someone who already has kids.

Well.. not always. As i said, my kids don't want to spend time with their dad outside of their 2 days a month and every other xmas.

my step daughter doesn't speak to him now she's an adult either, but she does still see me and my kids.

Don't make assumptions about other peoples situations.

If I couldn't afford to take both my children on holiday I wouldn't go. Don't have more kids if you can't afford it.

Why haven’t you said how old your DC is?

My thoughts exactly! The amount of people defending this is both shocking & depressing.
It is not ok to write-off you kids from first family cos you have a new one
Can cause major self esteem issues in the child

Of course writing off kids from a first family is wrong. Has anyone said otherwise?If someone is writing off their children then it isn't a holiday problem. It's a shit parenting one.

If someone is a shit parent and doesn't bother with their children from a previous relationship then ticking the box of "took them to center parcs once a year to make sure that we pretend we're treating the children the same" isn't going to fix it. How many kids say 'dad was a crap parent, dropped us the second he got a new missus, focused on playing Disney dad to her kids and their new baby, but it's alright because when they went to Spain for a week we also got to go so he's actually a decent dad, no harm done"?

In healthy co-parenting relationships and blended families the adults should be able to have discussions that doesn't resort to "treat every child identically or else you're writing them off".

But your grandparents aren’t directly related to your DSC and didn’t make a choice to be involved in their life (like you have done, by being in a relationship with their father). Your grandparents treating your DSC differently to your DC is therefore completely different to if their Dad were treating them differently to your shared children.

I can afford to take both my kids on holiday. It doesn’t stretch to two more children.

his ex takes them on holiday with her new husband.

all the children get a holiday.

So why does “equal” seem to mean two children getting two holidays and two getting one? Or even two getting a holiday and two getting none, because taking four away is too expensive?

And does your husband pay for half of their holidays?

You might have two kids. Your husband has 4.

What scum. People like that shouldn’t be able to have children. It makes me so angry. I’m glad your dc have nothing to do with them.

i mean, why don't we take it a step further.

how is it fair that dsd gets 2 holidays, and her half siblings only one each?

How about when we take DSD on holiday, we take her two other half siblings and take all 5? And then when THEY go on holiday, they can take all 5 too?

I mean, its only fair, right?

I mean, DSD is 30 now, but my kids are only 14 and 17, and her half siblings are 22 and 23... but its not fair that my kids get a holiday and DSD doesn't come.. should we invite her fiance too?

I mean, technically she's not my dsd any more, but she she is my kids half sister.

So i'll take all 5 + fiance on holiday
Her mom can take all 6
Then ExH and his girlfriend can take her 5 kids, plus my two, plus DSD, her other sisters, and her fiance, and he can pay for all 11 to go with him.

Its only fair!

Seems like the ex’s DH is the true Dad. Not the pondscum you married.

Yeah, lovely bloke who shagged someone else’s wife, and moved in with her preschool aged kids leaving his own two with their mum.

funnily enough they don’t take them when they go on holiday either. Unless they need a babysitter.

OP, I could never, but it’s possible that new partner is funding her child’s trip and not your Exp.

Hence me saying “the vast majority”, not “all”….I possibly also should have added that it probably applies more to younger children. I appreciate that not all circumstances are the same, and as an adult I know that two happily separated parents is a better scenario than remaining together but arguing/ having a terrible atmosphere at home.

Not saying it’s the case in your situation but a child not wanting to see their Dad more doesn’t necessarily mean they wouldn’t rather their parents were together - just that they don’t want to spend more time with him on his own/ at the detriment of seeing you. Or it’s that they’re more comfortable at your house, have their friends nearby, have most of their stuff there, etc. None of which would be factors if the parents were together.

Again, to be clear, I know this isn’t the case 100% of the time and I’m not making assumptions about other people’s situations.

I’ve seen blended families ‘done’ really well, where all children are happy (outside of usual sibling related gripes) but I’ve also seen it done very badly. One of the common characteristics of where it’s gone well has been that all children involved feel equally valued and important. That doesn’t mean that they all get exactly the same things or go on every day out together but their parents and step parents make sure they all feel part of the family, even with a shared child involved too.

This is absolutely heartbreaking. No one to stand up for you and provide you with enriching travel experiences. My god 😭😭💔I’m so sorry, this angers me!!

I’m paying for a ‘big’ holiday next year, with some inheritance money I got. I’m taking DH, DD & DSSs. The DSSs are my family too. But I appreciate not everyone has an inheritance to spend — and there have been times when DH, DD & I have gone away without them, and times when DH & DSSs have gone away without me or DD…