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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want dd to go to Amsterdam with someone she has only known a few months?

143 replies

Bluepals · 09/10/2023 18:55

DD is 19 and has known a guy for 3 months and they’re already booked to go to Amsterdam over Halloween. She has never been away apart from with us and was planning to arrange a trip with her best friend which we were all for but we are now super uncomfortable she has opted for this instead. AIBU or are my feelings justified!?

OP posts:
JustTalkToThem · 09/10/2023 18:57

She’s an adult. It’s good that she has someone she likes to take her first trip with.

Dessertinthedesert · 09/10/2023 18:57

She is an adult and is going to a safe European city. What exactly are you worried about?

AutumIsOrange · 09/10/2023 18:59

She’s a grown adult off on a weekend away with her new boyfriend - it’s exactly what would expect a young couple to be doing. And regardless, she is nineteen!!

Original poster
Bluepals · 09/10/2023 18:59

What am I worried about? She’s a teenager who has only recently met a guy and is going abroad with him to a place where drugs are legal…

OP posts:
JustTalkToThem · 09/10/2023 19:00

So? They’re legal … she could be doing them down at the local pub illegally.

Also is she interested in that? Lots of people go to Amsterdam and don’t do weed or shrooms.

Original poster
Bluepals · 09/10/2023 19:00

I haven’t met him yet

OP posts:
ManchesterGirl2 · 09/10/2023 19:00

Unless there's a reason to distrust the guy, then I think you should leave her to it. The Dutch speak very good English so it's not hard to get help if something goes wrong.

ExtinguishTheLight · 09/10/2023 19:02

Do you actually believe you should have a say in this?

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/10/2023 19:02

'Drugs' aren't 'legal' there. Cannabis is decriminalised. Which it should be everywhere.

Have you had sensible, age-appropriate conversations about safety, consent, drugs? If so, trust her.

BerriesNutsConkers · 09/10/2023 19:03

As the parent of an 18 year old dd I think you are massively over reacting.
Have you brought her up to be a confident individual, if so you need to trust her.

Oysterbabe · 09/10/2023 19:04

I'd feel a bit anxious, but wouldn't try and stop her. I'd be a bit anxious about her travelling anywhere abroad tbh, she may be an adult but is still my baby. Parenting is worry, you have to let them live their lives.

RaisedByHedgehogs · 09/10/2023 19:04

She’s an adult and it’s our job to raise them so they can go off and be independent. Amsterdam is lovely.

MidnightOnceMore · 09/10/2023 19:04

I understand you feel afraid some harm will become your DD, but what your DD could do in Amsterdam she could do in the UK if she chose to.

RaisedByHedgehogs · 09/10/2023 19:04

(To go off while we still worry a bit at home!)

SallyWD · 09/10/2023 19:04

Honestly. She's a grown adult going away with a boyfriend. It's a nice thing! And maybe she'll smoke a joint. Big deal. She's not going to be injecting heroine. Maybe she won't - I've been to Amsterdam many times and have never been to a coffee shop.
You need to back off a little.

jumpfh · 09/10/2023 19:05

She's an adult and he's a boyfriend of a few months.

MermaidEyes · 09/10/2023 19:05

So you're only worried because you think she might take drugs? You do know it takes no time at all to find someone selling drugs in your local town. If she's that way inclined she's already tried them, believe me.

GCSister · 09/10/2023 19:07

She's an adult!!

AutumIsOrange · 09/10/2023 19:07

Reframe it:

She’s an adult going to where you can see wonderful canals, art and museums.

Get a grip OP.

pointythings · 09/10/2023 19:08

As a Dutch person I find your perception of Amsterdam as the ultimate den of vice somewhere between offensive and hilarious.

I live in a small market town in Suffolk and I know where I could get weed any time I wanted (I don't). Amsterdam is a lovely city, safe for tourists, with a lively music and cultural scene and excellent places to eat.

fishfingersandtoes · 09/10/2023 19:08

YANBU to feel worried
YABU to think you can have any control over this situation.
Make sure she knows she can contact you if she's in trouble.

Dairywairy · 09/10/2023 19:08

She’s a “teenager”? She’s an adult. Many people live alone at 19. Some even become parents themselves. She’ll be fine.

TizerorFizz · 09/10/2023 19:09

I find it surprising that parents don’t know DC well enough to know they are ok. If she uses drugs now, then she might in Amsterdam. If she doesn’t, what’s the issue? I’d try and meet the boyfriend though. She should be capable of travelling without mum and dad and making sensible decisions. There are such things as face time to keep in touch.

Rewis · 09/10/2023 19:09

You're not unreasonable for feeling worried and uncomfortable. Just cause your daughter is 19 it doesn't mean you can't feel worried about her traveling with a random dude she's known for a few months. However, you can't and shouldn't do anything about it other than talk to her about being sensible.and to contact you with anything.

Sugarfish · 09/10/2023 19:09

She’s an adult, she’ll be fine. Amsterdam is a great place and it’s really safe there. Unless you think he’s gonna nick her passport and sell her to a pimp in the red light district you have nothing to worry about.

3 months, they’ll be in the honeymoon period. Probably just be excited about shagging in a foreign country with no one they know around.

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