DM and her teeny tiny meals

[Trampley]

I think my mum has issues with food.

Cooked and served a roast dinner yesterday, she said she wanted a small meal. This is normal for her, as she's permanently terrified of putting weight on. But it's getting daft now.

I served her two small potatoes, a thumb size portion of chicken, two carrot batons, half a parsnip, a tablespoon of mashed swede and half a Stuffing ball.

She didn't eat the potatoes, parsnip or Stuffing. Things I know she loves.

A toddler would eat more!!!

She also commented on the HUGE portion I had, and told her husband he wouldn't POSSIBLY eat all his meal, she kept bloody commenting on HOW MUCH he was eating (normal size!) Until he just stopped eating it.

We went for a walk afterwards, had to turn back early because she was feeling tired. No wonder, she hadn't eaten!

It's annoying me - I'm healthy, I don't overeat but she makes out my portions are so awfully huuuuge.

"Mum, you serve yourself, you're always saying I serve too much and wasting some."

"Oh noooo dear, you serve, please! Just not too much."

So I serve a tiny portion and STILL it's 'SO MUCH'.

That's why yesterday I really did serve a tiny meal, honestly it looked ridiculous. And still she made a performance out of it, saying it was the most amount of food she had seen for WEEKS.

Next time I will bloody insist she serves herself though, it'll be interesting to see what she does.

My mum does this too, I'm guessing it's her age and the fact that she used to be a model.

Plus side is that she doesn't comment on anyone else's portions and has the typically Asian habit of cooking and serving everyone else loads.

We once had a friend of DHs stay with his wife. Since i had seen her at their wedding a couple of years I had put on about 2 stone. I was bulimic and gave up the vomiting (but not the bingeing) so had put on weight. Her jaw dropped when she saw me and she exclaimed; 'I can see I will have to teach you how to eat properly!'. And then next day at breakfast was holding up her hand and saying; 'Now THIS is a correct portion size'. She then performance under-ate for the entire weekend and kept talking about it.

It was so fucking tedious and DH's friend looked mortified. They asked to come again the following year (they had come for a local music festival) and I just said no.

I think more older women than we realise have under the radar eating disorders. I have come across it occasionally ( I’m a state registered dietitian). It’s logical enough, because only about 1/3 of women with eating disorders overcome them entirely, many have lifelong disordered eating. It’s liable to flare up at times of life stress, I’ve come across families who had no idea their mum had pretty classic anorexia.

We have the same mother. Constant comments "I couldn't eat all that I'd be fat".
It's been a 30 year battle not to tell her to fuck off tbh.

I remember growing up there was always diet food in the house as well as laxatives sold as "diet aids" they were always talking about overeating or getting fat I have a pretty normal relationship with food considering what went on.

@Bristolnewcomer Benn to a carvery recently? Read a wikipedia entry? You'l find roast dinners are often served with sprouts, cabbage, peas, green beans as well as broccoli. Clearly you havent eat enough roast dinners to know how narrow your taste is..

😂

Mum let's be clear about something; I put a lot of effort into this meal. You can eat whatever portion size you like but please don't ruin everyone else's meal by making remarks about their portion sizes.

So she thinks it's fine to be rude to you in your home, to the point of putting your dh off his food, but if you dare ask her to stop, you are the bully?

She is behaving abominably. People can have small appetites and quietly get on with eating their small portion. I have an elderly relative like that and she never comments about what everyone else is eating, because she has manners. That isn't what your DM is doing - she's putting on a ridiculous performance and being rude to you and DH. I hope you don't stand for it, even if she calls you a bully.

@horseyhorsey17

Good for you. I'm another one who orders what she wants and looks forward to every bit of it and you're likely to get a fork in your hand if you try and steal my food! 🌹

@Trampley She'd get upset, tell me I was being a bully to her, and probably not eat anything at all.

Her choice I'd say.

Remember that food rationing was still in force when people this age were born, and for their first few years. They were brought up on the idea that leaving food on your plate was about the worst thing you could possibly do, and things like that that are drummed into you as a very small child never really leave you. I think that’s what a lot of the performance is about. When I was a kid, if we didn’t finish food or drink at my grandpa’s house, he’d put it on a shelf and bring it out again next time you said you were hungry- even if it was hours later and the food was congealed and disgusting. My mum and her sisters were made to sit in front of their dinner until they finished it, however long it took.

I like you 🤣

Does your tummy rumble when you're hungry? Mine is rumbling when I wake up.

Remember that food rationing was still in force when people this age were born, and for their first few years.

My mum was born in 1939 and grew up through the war and rationing throughout childhood and into her teenage years. She has a big appetite, a very sweet tooth and is much worse for wasting food than me.

That's absolutely awful, so glad you said no to entertaining them again, jeeze.

I hope you're doing well.

dd waitressed in a small cafe (West coast Scotland) during the summer, many tourists but also lots of locals (best scones for miles) and she says that many older women would have negotiations with their husbands/partners during ordering trying to make them share a scone because they couldn't possibly eat a whole one. And often, if he refused, the woman then would just have a cup of tea while he enjoyed his scone.
Younger women would often order a scone or slice of cake and add "cheeky" as in "I just have a cheeky paradise slice". It drove dd mad.

DM was born in 1931 so was a child, teenager and young woman during rationing. She ate pretty much anything offered as long as it wasn't spicy.

I was born in 1954 and rationing ended the day after I was born. As DM once observed, just as well given my appetite. We did have a tacit rule 'I shopped for it and cooked it and you will eat it' but that was pretty much par for the course for the 60s and 70s - as kids we didn't get the choice over what the family ate that some children have now. As both DM and DGM were good cooks 'leftovers' were largely academic anyway.

Thanks @Trampley I am fine. have not returned to bulimia though still working through how to eat 'normally'.

🤣 at "older northern folk" eating supper. I guess I can file it with the funeral plan ads and sensible shoes catalogues that started arriving nice I hit 40 😣🤣

Oooh just had to look up paradise slice- that's a new one on me!

I never had one, I always go for a treacle scone (which I won't share with anyone). dd says the paradise slices are really nice.

OP's mother is 65! Rationing was absolutely not still in force when she was born, let alone for her first few years.
All that stuff about not leaving food is irrelevant. OP's mother was served an absurdly tiny portion and still DID leave most of it.

And none of it excuses her suggesting, repeatedly and rudely, that the rest of the family are eating excessively large portions.

@usernother
I can honestly say my tummy never rumbles nor do I feel hungry.. very weird I know!
I do drink lots of fluid though.
My DM was T1 diabetic and was the same but obviously had to eat