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Original poster

DM and her teeny tiny meals

252 replies

Trampley · 09/10/2023 10:30

I think my mum has issues with food.

Cooked and served a roast dinner yesterday, she said she wanted a small meal. This is normal for her, as she's permanently terrified of putting weight on. But it's getting daft now.

I served her two small potatoes, a thumb size portion of chicken, two carrot batons, half a parsnip, a tablespoon of mashed swede and half a Stuffing ball.

She didn't eat the potatoes, parsnip or Stuffing. Things I know she loves.

A toddler would eat more!!!

She also commented on the HUGE portion I had, and told her husband he wouldn't POSSIBLY eat all his meal, she kept bloody commenting on HOW MUCH he was eating (normal size!) Until he just stopped eating it.

We went for a walk afterwards, had to turn back early because she was feeling tired. No wonder, she hadn't eaten!

It's annoying me - I'm healthy, I don't overeat but she makes out my portions are so awfully huuuuge.

OP posts:
Boating123 · 09/10/2023 12:00

Don't eat with her. Meet up between meals.
Eating should be a joy. I wouldn't want to eat with someone who ruins my enjoyment of a meal.

MargotBamborough · 09/10/2023 12:02

VickyEadieofThigh · 09/10/2023 10:35

How old is she? I ask because I've seen this happen with my own mother (she passed away in 2017), who all my life had loaded our plates - suddenly, she was on tiny amounts and making comments about others' portions!

I learnt to ignore it. What was also happening was that she and my Dad were snarfing down snacks - usually cake and biscuits - between meals, so it was no surprise that they weren't eating proper meals. They also had "supper" (quite common with older, Northern folk) about an hour before bedtime - this was sugary cocoa with biscuits or a packet of crisps each!

My parents do this.

They snack throughout the day and then they think that a pizza cut into five pieces is a decent meal for five people. Drives me mad.

OneFrenchEgg · 09/10/2023 12:03

Such a relief to read this. I grew up with a mother with disorder eating (basically on a starvation diet) and extremely unhealthy attitudes to normal appetites. I became anorexic as did my brother. I put on loads of weight in hospital (treatment for anorexia) and was told how brave I was to be out trying clothes in with my new massive size Hmm
Every meal is a performance of how massive it is, how she's had a big lunch, how the salad looks delicious etc etc and commenting on my children's choices. She lists what they've eaten all day to me - that's stopped thank god as I told her to stop.
It's so damaging to be around.

Thebigblueballoon · 09/10/2023 12:05

Is it possible that she is making mealtimes into a drama to disguise a point of poor health? My in-laws are both tackling health issues and their portion sizes have dramatically decreased over the past six months. It’s definitely related to their ailments.
If not, and she’s just being petty and superior, I’d be loading up the mashed potatoes every time she made a disparaging comment.

Angrymum22 · 09/10/2023 12:06

If she has genuinely lost her appetite it could be an underlying health problem. She may be making an almighty fuss but like many people is afraid of what it might indicate. On the other hand she’s a secret eater who likes to virtue signal in public.

3dogsandarabbit · 09/10/2023 12:07

As you get into your 50s/60s your appetite does get smaller and eating big meals can make you feel uncomfortable. You also become more health conscious and know that you can't get away with eating what you did in your 20s and 30s.

I would rule out any medical conditions OP because tiredness and lack of appetite can be signs of certain illnesses. She should not be commenting on what you eat though.

usernother · 09/10/2023 12:10

3dogsandarabbit · 09/10/2023 12:07

As you get into your 50s/60s your appetite does get smaller and eating big meals can make you feel uncomfortable. You also become more health conscious and know that you can't get away with eating what you did in your 20s and 30s.

I would rule out any medical conditions OP because tiredness and lack of appetite can be signs of certain illnesses. She should not be commenting on what you eat though.

I'm in this age group and my appetite hasn't decreased at all.

sadaboutmycat · 09/10/2023 12:11

3dogsandarabbit · 09/10/2023 12:07

As you get into your 50s/60s your appetite does get smaller and eating big meals can make you feel uncomfortable. You also become more health conscious and know that you can't get away with eating what you did in your 20s and 30s.

I would rule out any medical conditions OP because tiredness and lack of appetite can be signs of certain illnesses. She should not be commenting on what you eat though.

What a ridiculous statement. I'm 60, work 52 hrs a week, run regularly and have a huge appetite.

Don't make such sweeping generalisations, please!

EachPeachPearNectarine · 09/10/2023 12:11

user1471505494 · 09/10/2023 11:44

Low or small appetites along with tiredness can be the result of illness such as heart failure congestive heart failure diabetes or a reaction to medication. I would suggest those making nasty comments about family members appetites look at if is medical first

The disapproval of others' eating isn't due to heart failure though.

I know exactly what you mean, OP. I have the insistence of ordering off the children's menu which I find a bit embarrassing (especially somewhere you could just have a starter or they offer a small version anyway). But then last time they ordered two children's meals. Why not just have a normal adult portion?

purplecorkheart · 09/10/2023 12:12

I am a bit like your mom in the fact I like smaller portions like child size or smaller but tend to eat more smaller size meals. However I never ever comment on other people's portion sizes.

Let your Mom serve herself in future and be quick to shut her down when she comments on what someone is eating. You may need be very blunt with her.

Chemenger · 09/10/2023 12:14

I have never had a big appetite, I can never finish restaurant portions. I am envious of people who can eat more because I enjoy food but I hate feeling too full. It’s embarrassing when people think I don’t like a meal because I can’t clear my plate. It wouldn’t cross my mind to comment on other people’s eating because it’s rude. It’s an attempt to control people and be the centre of attention.

3dogsandarabbit · 09/10/2023 12:15

usernother - Mine has and so has my husband's. Also my diet has changed and I tend to eat more fruit/veg now rather than starchy foods.

NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz · 09/10/2023 12:16

My mum was anorexic and this was very much like her behaviour - especially trying to police everyone else’s servings and constant stream of unsolicited opinions. She really tried to get into my DDs’ heads and it hit home how unhealthy the whole dynamic was.

ClawedButler · 09/10/2023 12:20

Not aware of any medical condition that has 'being rude and judgmental' as a symptom - with the possible exception of dementia.

bonzaitree · 09/10/2023 12:20

My mums like this (even though she is massively overweight).

I was told yesterday that she was having a quiet weekend because of “all the ice-cream we had last weekend”.

Note that last weekend she was staying with me and we had 1 twister each 🤣 which is like 50 calories 😂😂😂

She is constantly talking about food, sins, slimming world shite, weigh ins, what she has eaten, what she is going to eat, what other people have eaten, family and friends gaining/ losing weight.

It’s so dull

IcedBananas · 09/10/2023 12:23

How low is her weight? If she’s a healthy weight then she’s obviously eating enough at other times. If she’s got a low bmi as well as these comments I’d be worried about an eating disorder. The comments about what other people are eating needs nipping in the bud immediately. I’m high risk of an eating disorder myself and constant comments like this would be enough to start a bit of a chain reaction of bad habits. I hope you don’t have any children or anyone vulnerable to eating disorders in the family overhearing all this

direbollockal · 09/10/2023 12:24

3dogsandarabbit · 09/10/2023 12:07

As you get into your 50s/60s your appetite does get smaller and eating big meals can make you feel uncomfortable. You also become more health conscious and know that you can't get away with eating what you did in your 20s and 30s.

I would rule out any medical conditions OP because tiredness and lack of appetite can be signs of certain illnesses. She should not be commenting on what you eat though.

WTF?!

I'm in my 50s. You'll be suggesting elasticated waists and choose-your-own-coffin catalogues next.

I eat the same as I did in my 20s and 30s - same amount, and same reasonable mix of healthy and less healthy. I am very slim. As for being "more health conscious": I don't think about it. I have more interesting things to think about.

readbooksdrinktea · 09/10/2023 12:24

She can do what she likes, but commenting on other people's meals to the point where they stop eating is absolutely not OK.

FrenchandSaunders · 09/10/2023 12:24

God this would annoy me. Fair enough if she wants to eat like a bird but she needs to stop the rude comments to the rest of the family. Sounds like she ruined your lovely roast dinner. Are there kids hearing all this nonsense?

I have a family member who lives on lettuce, baked beans and prosecco. She's a tiny slip of a thing who I'm amazed is still alive.

And I wish my appetite had decreased (although not to that extent!) ... I'm mid 50s and love my food.

FlowFle · 09/10/2023 12:26

put food on the table for people to serve themselves

meercat23 · 09/10/2023 12:27

I am old now and my appetite has definitely changed. The sight of a large plate of food puts me off before I start and I almost never completely finish a main meal even when I have served myself. On the other hand I can easily graze all day long and eat far too much snacky food.

I do recognise though that it is me that has the peculiarity and would never comment on what someone else has on their plate.

TrashedSofa · 09/10/2023 12:28

Trampley · 09/10/2023 11:00

If she wants to eat less, that's her concern but it's the bloody drama around it I find so grating!!!

Edited

What would happen if you told her to stop commenting on other people's food while she's in your home?

Hooplahooping · 09/10/2023 12:29

I would shut that down so hard. “DM, it is very important to me that if we are going to eat together, you don’t make judgemental comments about what other people chose to eat. Please serve yourself however much you would like and don’t worry about what anyone else is eating’

‘please do go back and make yourself comfortable, we’ll see you at home’

if you are actively worried about her then discuss that with her away from the table + food. I think people enjoy the drama that food creates - because feeding ourselves + our families activates such a primal survival instinct.

but she’s getting hugely out of her lane - and being very inappropriate. You don’t mention DCs but her exclaiming about their food consumption would be appalling to me!

I would be kind but very firm that this will not fly in your home or around your family.

user1471538283 · 09/10/2023 12:30

I love food and eating to us is a social activity. I cannot eat as much as others and don't but I don't comment on what everyone is or isn't eating. That sounds utterly miserable and attention seeking.

She is either constantly hungry or snacking somewhere.

I would stop eating with her. And if she complains she is tired when you are out tell her to go back on her own.

Hooplahooping · 09/10/2023 12:31

Chemenger · 09/10/2023 12:14

I have never had a big appetite, I can never finish restaurant portions. I am envious of people who can eat more because I enjoy food but I hate feeling too full. It’s embarrassing when people think I don’t like a meal because I can’t clear my plate. It wouldn’t cross my mind to comment on other people’s eating because it’s rude. It’s an attempt to control people and be the centre of attention.

It’s an attempt to control people and be the centre of attention.

nail on the head here.