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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just a cup

178 replies

Huromjuicemaker · 09/10/2023 08:00

MIL lives nearby and sometimes comes over to our flat while we are out (with the excuse of) to drop off some eggs or washing we'd put on her line etc. While she is in she will potter a bit, have a cup of tea and wash anything in the bowl. She is just bored really and we don't mind.
Yesterday we couldn't find DH's favorite mug which I bought him as a gift, hand painted, not cheap china etc. MIL sent DH a message to say she'd accidentally broken it. He sounded annoyed but we agreed its not the end of the world. But I saw his messages later and their conversation went like this:
MIL. btw I broke your mug, i was washing up and it just slipped, sorry
DH. that's ok i didn't like it that much
MIL. worked out ok then!

Now I feel so betrayed, can't even look at him and don't want her in the house

OP posts:
Passepartoute · 10/10/2023 06:59

Another one here intrigued by a couple who can afford a housekeeper/cook but not apparently a dishwasher and their own clothes drying facilities.

willWillSmithsmith · 10/10/2023 08:05

M4J4 · 09/10/2023 19:20

MIL lives nearby and sometimes comes over to our flat while we are out (with the excuse of) to drop off some eggs or washing we'd put on her line etc. While she is in she will potter a bit, have a cup of tea and wash anything in the bowl. She is just bored really and we don't mind.

She is a nosy bitch, take back the key to your house.

Guaranteed she looks through your things.

I wouldn’t tolerate anyone coming into my home when I’m not there.

And don’t replace DH’s mug, the twat can have a 50p Asda one.

Edited

Why so aggressive?

I’m more interested in the fact you have a housekeeper/cook as well as your mil in your home. Sounds busy.

Original poster
Huromjuicemaker · 10/10/2023 08:09

Passepartoute · 10/10/2023 06:59

Another one here intrigued by a couple who can afford a housekeeper/cook but not apparently a dishwasher and their own clothes drying facilities.

Do have a dishwasher, we're not talking about a heap of dirty dishes here, just the odd teaspoon or stray mug. We do have a balcony where we can dry clothes but it's a bit cramped and ILs have a garden with plenty of space, occasionally it is convenient for us to hang things up there particularly if it is a good drying day and we want to wash the bedding. If its not dry by the time we leave, MIL might bring it over a day or two later. I hope that clears it up.

I don't know why people are so focused on my laundry arrangements - it was just an example of a reason that MIL finds to drop in. I could equally have said she had been making pickles and decided to bring some round, or any one of a hundred other excuses/little favours.

OP posts:
Littlegreene82 · 10/10/2023 08:19

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Isobel201 · 10/10/2023 08:41

Sounds better than a cleaner I once hired to clean before a house sale and a mug I had just bought for someone for Christmas she had actually taken. I mean, I wouldn't have minded if she had said she had broken it accidently, but I had left it deliberately out of the way of the kitchen.

jammyhand · 10/10/2023 08:48

@Littlegreene82 are you 6? you see laundry/bedding and your mind goes to "tee hee knickers, my in laws will catch my cooties, the horror"??

Littlegreene82 · 10/10/2023 08:50

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/10/2023 08:57

Housekeeper/cook but you hang washing on your MIL’s line?

Yep , thought so, wind up. 🤣

Theunamedcat · 10/10/2023 09:10

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/10/2023 08:57

Housekeeper/cook but you hang washing on your MIL’s line?

Yep , thought so, wind up. 🤣

It's a flat

Bdhegdjeob · 10/10/2023 09:24

LTB

Sirzy · 10/10/2023 09:44

But the laundry is a different situation because it shows it’s a mutually beneficial thing rather than just her being bored like you tried to imply!

wishon · 10/10/2023 09:44

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/10/2023 08:57

Housekeeper/cook but you hang washing on your MIL’s line?

Yep , thought so, wind up. 🤣

I live in a flat and have got a housekeeper though? I'm sure it'd be very possible to find one who does some cooking as well

Dibbydoos · 10/10/2023 09:48

It's your DH you should be angry with not your MIL.

Take it up with him. Did he like the mug or not. If he did he lied to his mum so she wouldn't feel so bad, thats a thoughtgil thing. If he didn't he lied to you to save your feelings.

Passepartoute · 10/10/2023 09:58

I'm a bit puzzled about what the housekeeper is doing if there are dirty crocks in the sink when your Mil comes round.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 10/10/2023 10:38

My DS once broke a mug which was one of the very few presents picked out and purchased for me by a close relative who had passed, one of the only things I had to remember them by. There was nothing to be done but move on.

In your case however OP, there's a very simple solution. Get DH another hand painted mug. Get your mum one.

She broke it but immediately owned up and apologised as she was worried about it. He made a reassuring jokey comment (which shows he's a nice guy) and then she made a silly joke back. That's it.

Your reaction - can't look at him and don't want her in the house is crackers.

Whattodo112222 · 10/10/2023 10:39

Omg is this your only problem in life?? Seriously. Massive overreaction.

LouOrange · 10/10/2023 10:40

Buy him another one, exactly the same.
leave in a prominent place for MiL and hope they both squirm!

MrsCarson · 10/10/2023 10:48

I wouldn't be bothered about the mug.
But she does need to stop using your place when you aren't there. I think the old idea of paperwork for a visa to move to Australia in your top drawer might out her, I bet she's having a good old dig about in personal stuff while she's in there.

paulthepython · 10/10/2023 11:26

Good grief, get a grip. Either way there is no need to be put out. Either he was making mum feel better (he's a nice person) or he didn't like it and he told you he did because he wanted you to feel good (he's a nice person). I mean, if its the latter and he's just too uncomfortable or unsure of your reaction to speak truthfully to you then you need to evaluate how you react to things and maybe get some therapy if you constantly over react or struggle to regulate your emotions - and not do something like...I don't know...refuse to look again him. Because that would be hugely disproportionate and probably why he's uncomfortable communicating.

Deadringer · 10/10/2023 11:30

Maybe he was trying to make her feel better, maybe he didn't like the mug, either way hardly a big deal is it? Grow the fuck up.

HikingforScenery · 10/10/2023 11:37

Would you still be trying your laundry in her garden after banning her from your home?

yabu. You got it right in your title, it’s just a cup

FamBae · 10/10/2023 11:38

Sorry Op but that did make me laugh 🌸

caringcarer · 10/10/2023 12:18

FloraClover · 09/10/2023 08:04

he probably told a white lie to make her feel better that it got broken.

What use would it have been to say “it was a cherished mug, expensive, hand-painted and I’m devastated that you broke it”?!

YABU, sorry

This. He probably loved it.

Ffion21 · 10/10/2023 12:20

Goodness, you’re quite the drama queen. Would hate to see the reaction over something that wasn’t a broken mug.

If you take it at face value - so what if he doesn’t actually like it? He pretended to in order to spare your feelings for this wonderful painted mug you care for. You’re obviously sensitive person and he considered that. If he opened it and said “I don’t like this mug”, would you have been asking everyone if you should be hurt he was so ungrateful?

It is literally just a mug. Ruined relationships over a cup is utterly ridiculous. Who is emotionally attached to a cup unless their kid painted footprints on it or something?

I can’t believe this is actually a real thread….

Rachykins · 10/10/2023 12:21

Betrayed over a mug 😂😂😂😂 Christ, you have a very tame, cushty life. Sheltered much!?