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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just a cup

178 replies

Huromjuicemaker · 09/10/2023 08:00

MIL lives nearby and sometimes comes over to our flat while we are out (with the excuse of) to drop off some eggs or washing we'd put on her line etc. While she is in she will potter a bit, have a cup of tea and wash anything in the bowl. She is just bored really and we don't mind.
Yesterday we couldn't find DH's favorite mug which I bought him as a gift, hand painted, not cheap china etc. MIL sent DH a message to say she'd accidentally broken it. He sounded annoyed but we agreed its not the end of the world. But I saw his messages later and their conversation went like this:
MIL. btw I broke your mug, i was washing up and it just slipped, sorry
DH. that's ok i didn't like it that much
MIL. worked out ok then!

Now I feel so betrayed, can't even look at him and don't want her in the house

OP posts:
Iknowthis1 · 09/10/2023 13:44

"So its a conclusive then, I am over reacting?"

Spectacularly so.

Goldbar · 09/10/2023 13:44

Three possibilities:

  1. He liked it and was (clumsily) being kind to MIL. Her response was a bit off/flippant but I imagine she was a bit embarrassed about breaking something and relieved it didn't seem to be a big deal.

  2. As above, only rather than liking it, he was indifferent to the mug and trying to save MIL's feelings.

  3. He didn't like it and has been pretending to save your feelings. Tbh I can't see what's too awful about this... it's quite sweet of him. And if this, it's good that you know now so you can improve on your gift-buying for him in future.

My money's on 2. He probably didn't really care about the mug but has been using it since you gave it to him and it was around.

Bellaboo01 · 09/10/2023 13:48

YABU - it is just a cup!!!

Buy him a new one.

Newestname002 · 09/10/2023 13:49

Huromjuicemaker · 09/10/2023 09:52

So its a conclusive then, I am over reacting?

Actually he could have said "don't worry mum, accidents happen" and left it at that. 🌹

jannier · 09/10/2023 14:15

That's something people say to make others feel better......why read his messages?

jannier · 09/10/2023 14:17

Gypsum5 · 09/10/2023 08:22

Ask him about it. I’d also wonder if it was an accident. Take the key off her, she shouldn’t be snooping around in your home. She sounds like this lot, unpleasant, & nosy.

Op hangs washing on mil line mil brings it back.....op needs to stop that as well if she doesn't want mil in her house.

jannier · 09/10/2023 14:18

Huromjuicemaker · 09/10/2023 09:52

So its a conclusive then, I am over reacting?

Yep......and he may hate the mug but use it because you brought it does it matter?

BodegaSushi · 09/10/2023 14:20

I'm still hung up on your washing that you put on her line.

Cas112 · 09/10/2023 14:21

Cant look at him 😂OP come on

RB68 · 09/10/2023 14:26

I would get him a new super super ugly one - as a bit of a tongue in cheek joke - but I have a very warped sense of humour. Also my DH would then probably love it given some of the really ugly mugs he rescued from his Mothers house when she passed away
Lovely Irish Wade ...

https://img0.etsystatic.com/016/1/6273994/il_fullxfull.465564046_qoea.jpg

spitefulandbadgrammar · 09/10/2023 14:44

Why are you hanging washing at someone else’s house, why is anyone bored enough to go and do someone else’s washing up for free, why are you snooping on your husband’s texts?

vapesareforsnakes · 09/10/2023 14:58

Batshit. Imagine if your OH did something really wrong if you can't even LOOK at him now. Ridiculous carry on. Grow up. It's a cup.

Broccoliforever · 09/10/2023 15:34

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Huromjuicemaker · 09/10/2023 16:02

About seeing the messages we have a family group on WeChat, I don’t always bother to read everything because it’s usually stuff between DH and FIL/ MIL and he’ll tell me later.

about the washing, if it’s a new day at the weekend we might do our bedding at home and then hang it up at theirs, that sort of thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Huromjuicemaker · 09/10/2023 16:32

NoWinterYear · 09/10/2023 13:15

Why don't you want her in the house considering it was dh who said something hurtful and not her?

Also why are you reading his messages?

To be honest you sound a bit horrible. You dismiss the things she does for you by saying she's bored and you said she does them as an excuse. An excuse for what? For being nice and helpful? And then you Blame her for something your dh said. And you read his messages.

Yes, I'd say yabu.

I mean excuse for a change of scene basically, she gets on quite well with our house-keeper/cook and likes to do things for us, sometimes she comes over for no reason it’s just something to do. I/ we don’t really mind.

im not bothered about the cup just the fact that they almost had a laugh about it getting broken

OP posts:
Littlegreene82 · 09/10/2023 16:49

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Littlegreene82 · 09/10/2023 16:52

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redribbonrose · 09/10/2023 17:10

I wouldn't treasure a mug either

Forget it. Move on

Oh! And don't read his messages

mumda · 09/10/2023 17:38

We've disposed of a large pint pot today that has driven me mad ever since it arrived.
It's been dropped on the floor and bounced so it's been hidden on the bin.

Mamabear487 · 09/10/2023 18:27

Lol grow up. Betrayed. He hasn’t cheated on you! Just told you a white lie to make you feel loved

beanii · 09/10/2023 18:30

You can't look at him because he's tried to not let his mum feel guilty?

Wow 🙄

Annasoror · 09/10/2023 18:38

If your DH doesn't like the mug genuinely, then he's spent ages persuading you that he does, because he loves you.
Honestly YABU. He sounds like a v kind man.

MarriedinMaui · 09/10/2023 18:39

You have a housekeeper/cook but no space to dry your own washing?

ohdamnitjanet · 09/10/2023 18:39

Huromjuicemaker · 09/10/2023 09:52

So its a conclusive then, I am over reacting?

Most definitely! What on earth would you do if she accidentally broke something of real value? God help her!

30yearoldvirgin · 09/10/2023 18:40

You can’t even look at him, and you don’t want her in the house??? What am I missing? 🤔