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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just a cup

178 replies

Huromjuicemaker · 09/10/2023 08:00

MIL lives nearby and sometimes comes over to our flat while we are out (with the excuse of) to drop off some eggs or washing we'd put on her line etc. While she is in she will potter a bit, have a cup of tea and wash anything in the bowl. She is just bored really and we don't mind.
Yesterday we couldn't find DH's favorite mug which I bought him as a gift, hand painted, not cheap china etc. MIL sent DH a message to say she'd accidentally broken it. He sounded annoyed but we agreed its not the end of the world. But I saw his messages later and their conversation went like this:
MIL. btw I broke your mug, i was washing up and it just slipped, sorry
DH. that's ok i didn't like it that much
MIL. worked out ok then!

Now I feel so betrayed, can't even look at him and don't want her in the house

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 09/10/2023 08:35

Every thread I’ve looked at this morning is some bizarre dramatic over reaction to something trivial.

What’s going on 😂

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 09/10/2023 08:38

He lied so his Mum did not feel bad. Not a terrible thing.

Anyway, you gave her permission to be in your flat and you know she 'potters', so a broken mug is not exactly a shock. You're over reacting imo.

CurlewKate · 09/10/2023 08:47

@Gypsum5 "Ask him about it. I’d also wonder if it was an accident. Take the key off her, she shouldn’t be snooping around in your home. She sounds like this lot, unpleasant, & nosy."
Fuck me-that's a stretch!!😮

TwighttimeVandhuk3 · 09/10/2023 08:51

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Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 09/10/2023 08:56

Yabu about the mug. It was an accident and there would be no point in trying to make a point after she apologised.

If your question was about MIL letting herself in then that would be a different story...

PickledPurplePickle · 09/10/2023 08:59

😂YABU he was trying to make her feel better. He probably wasn't expecting you to read his private messages

MumblesParty · 09/10/2023 09:00

I disagree with other posters. I’d be upset about that. If he’d wanted to prevent his Mum feeling guilty he could easily have said “don’t worry, these things happen, I’m always breaking things too!” Or something like that. No need to say that he actually didn’t like an expensive gift his wife had given him, so they could chuckle about how his Mum had essentially done him a favour by breaking it!

MermaidEyes · 09/10/2023 09:04

Maybe he was just trying to make your MIL
feel better. Or maybe he genuinely didn't like the mug but didn't ever want to upset you by saying so. Either way, get over it, it really is just a mug.

Theunamedcat · 09/10/2023 09:04

It's a bit mean of him to say really because he didn't need to say it

Sorry I broke your mug, that's OK no harm done....the end "I didn't like it" was the unnecessary part

Broccoliforever · 09/10/2023 09:05

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MariePaperRoses · 09/10/2023 09:07

You bought him what you thought was a lovely gift.

Women may coo over how lovely a hand painted mug is but I can't imagine many men giving a toss about the aesthetics of a mug!

He did however take your feelings into consideration and told you it was now his favourite mug because that's what people do when they love someone so as not to hurt their feelings. It's only a mug so it was easy for him to do.

He hasn't betrayed you.

It make me think ghat your extreme reaction to something so minor throws a different slant on the matter and that he made out the mug was his favourite not out of love and respect but fear of your histrionics if he laughed at the mug!

WhateverAgains · 09/10/2023 09:08

Wow this can't be real! To be betrayed over a mug? So dramatic.

WhateverMate · 09/10/2023 09:10

Oh dear

MumblesParty · 09/10/2023 09:15

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To be fair I wouldn’t use words that strong, but I would be pretty pissed off that my gift was slagged off and that they’d essentially laughed behind my back.

The MIL visiting is a whole different issue. My Mum lives locally and often lets herself in when I’m out. I find it mildly irritating at times but it’s a small price to pay for the other things she does and has done for me all my life. She’s very nosy though, always has been, so I make sure I never leave anything out that I don’t mind her seeing. So I’d suggest OP that if you don’t want her washing up, then don’t leave any dirty crockery out.

LuluBlakey1 · 09/10/2023 09:19

It's an accidentally broken mug and you are turning it into something much, much more.

YABVU (and ridiculous).

ToadOnTheHill · 09/10/2023 09:24

To clarify, precisely, why dont you want her in the house when your boyfriend said the hurtful thing?

My opinion on it FWIW is that you are massively overreacting and they are just bantering. I bet he and other people have said similar stuff to you to make you feel better for accidents in the past - its just what you do.

WhateverAgains · 09/10/2023 09:29

More to the point....why were you reading his messages???

Vinrouge4 · 09/10/2023 09:31

Theunamedcat · 09/10/2023 09:04

It's a bit mean of him to say really because he didn't need to say it

Sorry I broke your mug, that's OK no harm done....the end "I didn't like it" was the unnecessary part

I agree. Your argument is not with your MIL but with your husband's hurtful comment.

phoenixrosehere · 09/10/2023 09:34

Going against the grain, but I don’t think yabu to be hurt by his response. You can make someone feel better without disparaging a gift that was given to you or lie for their sake. “Accidents happen” would have sufficed. MIL’s response wasn’t better. Did she know that you made it for him?

I can also understand you feeling betrayed. It’s not just about what he said, but him lying to you about how he feels about it and having you believe something that wasn’t true.

DH and I have given each other gifts that missed the mark and we are honest about it. We both rather know the truth than believe a lie.

Perhaps, he was trying to spare your feelings, yet either way you still ended up hurt.

Talk to him about it and let him know what you would like to do in the future regarding such things.

ActDottie · 09/10/2023 09:41

YABU he was just trying to make her feel better

WandaWonder · 09/10/2023 09:50

Betrayed? Imagine if the mil brought one of his ex girlfriends over for coffee, well she could if there was a mug left in the place

Original poster
Huromjuicemaker · 09/10/2023 09:52

So its a conclusive then, I am over reacting?

OP posts:
MrsMarzetti · 09/10/2023 09:55

Get a grip. Maybe he is trying to make his mum feel better or maybe he really didn't like it but told you he did to make you feel better. Sounds like a nice guy.

VeridicalVagabond · 09/10/2023 09:55

Does he know you're reading his conversations with other people? Because if he doesn't that's far more of a betrayal than not liking a fucking mug.

Maddy70 · 09/10/2023 09:57

Is this a serious post? He's making her feel better about breaking something. He emailed not to have liked it. But he's also entitled not to like something just because you do