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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just a cup

178 replies

Huromjuicemaker · 09/10/2023 08:00

MIL lives nearby and sometimes comes over to our flat while we are out (with the excuse of) to drop off some eggs or washing we'd put on her line etc. While she is in she will potter a bit, have a cup of tea and wash anything in the bowl. She is just bored really and we don't mind.
Yesterday we couldn't find DH's favorite mug which I bought him as a gift, hand painted, not cheap china etc. MIL sent DH a message to say she'd accidentally broken it. He sounded annoyed but we agreed its not the end of the world. But I saw his messages later and their conversation went like this:
MIL. btw I broke your mug, i was washing up and it just slipped, sorry
DH. that's ok i didn't like it that much
MIL. worked out ok then!

Now I feel so betrayed, can't even look at him and don't want her in the house

OP posts:
lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 09/10/2023 18:42

This is not the point here but if you have a housekeeper then do they not do the laundry?

Hagridisthehero · 09/10/2023 18:47

Calm down, accidents happen and is it worth making an argument over a cup?
Yes it’s sentimental but you could get him another personalised cup. Is it possible he didn’t like it all that much and wanted to spare your feelings being hurt?
don’t jeopardise what seems to be a nice relationship with your MIL over an accident.

hot2trotter · 09/10/2023 18:56

You have a housekeeper/cook and your MIL does your washing? First world problems.

Baroloandbluecheese · 09/10/2023 18:56

Hmm. This is a very similar thread from a while ago. Something about a MiL stealing a favourite mug and denying it.

May be unrelated and if it is, you need to grow up. Your Dh was saving your MiLs feelings.

pp is right, betrayal and broken mug don’t belong in the same sentence. And get a tumble dryer if you don’t want her dropping by with your washing

OhYeahOhYeah · 09/10/2023 19:08

RB68 · 09/10/2023 14:26

I would get him a new super super ugly one - as a bit of a tongue in cheek joke - but I have a very warped sense of humour. Also my DH would then probably love it given some of the really ugly mugs he rescued from his Mothers house when she passed away
Lovely Irish Wade ...

‘Break this one, and I’ll break your legs’ hand painted in it too 😂😂🤭

QueenofTerrasen · 09/10/2023 19:13

It's a mug. Unless there is a huge sentimental back story, YABU.

M4J4 · 09/10/2023 19:20

MIL lives nearby and sometimes comes over to our flat while we are out (with the excuse of) to drop off some eggs or washing we'd put on her line etc. While she is in she will potter a bit, have a cup of tea and wash anything in the bowl. She is just bored really and we don't mind.

She is a nosy bitch, take back the key to your house.

Guaranteed she looks through your things.

I wouldn’t tolerate anyone coming into my home when I’m not there.

And don’t replace DH’s mug, the twat can have a 50p Asda one.

HeyManIJustWantSomeMuesli · 09/10/2023 19:24

He has lied to one of you about his true feelings towards the mug. In order to save your/her feelings 🤷‍♀️

Jk987 · 09/10/2023 19:24

You liked the mug more than him. No one's done anything wrong.
On the plus side you have a MIL willing to do odd jobs! I suspect she'd like it if you do a list of small jobs like sewing or sorting a drawer.

M4J4 · 09/10/2023 19:26

Jk987 · 09/10/2023 19:24

You liked the mug more than him. No one's done anything wrong.
On the plus side you have a MIL willing to do odd jobs! I suspect she'd like it if you do a list of small jobs like sewing or sorting a drawer.

MIL turning up when ever she wants is wrong in my book.

Put boundaries in place OP. She sounds annoying.

catherinewales · 09/10/2023 19:38

Wish my MIL would pop round and potter about my house. It would be a godsend for me. Breaking a cup isn’t the end of the world. These things happen. He’s said that so she doesn’t feel bad. Would you have not said the same had it been your mug and your DM?

vapesareforsnakes · 09/10/2023 20:01

M4J4 · 09/10/2023 19:20

MIL lives nearby and sometimes comes over to our flat while we are out (with the excuse of) to drop off some eggs or washing we'd put on her line etc. While she is in she will potter a bit, have a cup of tea and wash anything in the bowl. She is just bored really and we don't mind.

She is a nosy bitch, take back the key to your house.

Guaranteed she looks through your things.

I wouldn’t tolerate anyone coming into my home when I’m not there.

And don’t replace DH’s mug, the twat can have a 50p Asda one.

Edited

Why on earth is he a twat by not making his mother feel bad....it was a bloody cup, sounds like the Mum does a lot for them anyway. Absolutely ridiculous behaviour.

Torganer · 09/10/2023 20:18

So he said this on the family group chat that you are on? So he wasn’t hiding anything? Of course it was a lighthearted joke.

givemeasunnyday · 09/10/2023 20:30

Seriously, it's a mug! I agree with others, your DH was making light of it so MIL wouldn't feel bad.

My DM once broke a reasonably expensive bowl of mine - I told her it didn't matter at all. She was helping me to move at the time, often called in when I was at work to drop off food, usually did the dishes while she was there, did my hoovering when we had to do masses of overtime at work, etc. - you get the picture?

givemeasunnyday · 09/10/2023 20:35

M4J4 · 09/10/2023 19:20

MIL lives nearby and sometimes comes over to our flat while we are out (with the excuse of) to drop off some eggs or washing we'd put on her line etc. While she is in she will potter a bit, have a cup of tea and wash anything in the bowl. She is just bored really and we don't mind.

She is a nosy bitch, take back the key to your house.

Guaranteed she looks through your things.

I wouldn’t tolerate anyone coming into my home when I’m not there.

And don’t replace DH’s mug, the twat can have a 50p Asda one.

Edited

Oh for goodness sake, such dramatics!!

Just because you might look through other people's things doesn't mean everyone else does. I've just been into my neighbour's flat to feed her cats, last week I was at another neighbour's place every day for the same reason. I didn't look through their things.

Just because someone is a MIL doesn't make them evil - well, not in the real world anyway.

Thatladdo · 09/10/2023 20:38

It was only a mug!

Reading into the comments of her having to make excuses to visit and you feel so betrayed, can't even look at him and don't want her in the house says a lot.

If only your and your husbands relationship was as good as theirs he wouldnt have to lie about liking it / being annoyed it got broken.

Get over it and move on, your making a mug of yourself.

AuntFlosmiserableniece · 09/10/2023 20:47

He sounds like a kind person trying to make his Mum feel better?

10HailMarys · 09/10/2023 21:05

You can’t look at your husband and don’t want your MIL in the house because she accidentally broke a mug and your husband made light of it to make her feel better? Seriously?

You’re massively overreacting.

CrazyCatLadyCat · 09/10/2023 21:31

This has got to be a joke?

masterblaster · 09/10/2023 21:36

Can your MIL come round to ours and clean stuff for me? I'll appreciate her efforts.

EpitomeofEpiphany · 09/10/2023 21:53

Has it hit a raw nerve because you've got bad taste or an insecurity about bad taste in mugs or gifts?

jannier · 09/10/2023 22:12

M4J4 · 09/10/2023 19:20

MIL lives nearby and sometimes comes over to our flat while we are out (with the excuse of) to drop off some eggs or washing we'd put on her line etc. While she is in she will potter a bit, have a cup of tea and wash anything in the bowl. She is just bored really and we don't mind.

She is a nosy bitch, take back the key to your house.

Guaranteed she looks through your things.

I wouldn’t tolerate anyone coming into my home when I’m not there.

And don’t replace DH’s mug, the twat can have a 50p Asda one.

Edited

Judging by your standards maybe?

Fairospop22 · 09/10/2023 22:15

YABU about the mug but I couldn’t stand my MIL snooping around my house regularly, uninvited and in my absence

AngelinaFibres · 09/10/2023 22:35

MarriedinMaui · 09/10/2023 18:39

You have a housekeeper/cook but no space to dry your own washing?

And why are you paying a housekeeper and then doing your own washing . Surely that's one of her jobs. As is washing up. Although ,if you can afford a human being to do stuff for you, then presumably you have a lovely ,posh dishwasher machine that dirty things could go in.

steff13 · 09/10/2023 22:43

Either he didn't like the mug and he lied to spare your feelings or he did like the mug and he lied to his mother to spare her feelings. I can't really fault him in either direction.