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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just a cup

178 replies

Huromjuicemaker · 09/10/2023 08:00

MIL lives nearby and sometimes comes over to our flat while we are out (with the excuse of) to drop off some eggs or washing we'd put on her line etc. While she is in she will potter a bit, have a cup of tea and wash anything in the bowl. She is just bored really and we don't mind.
Yesterday we couldn't find DH's favorite mug which I bought him as a gift, hand painted, not cheap china etc. MIL sent DH a message to say she'd accidentally broken it. He sounded annoyed but we agreed its not the end of the world. But I saw his messages later and their conversation went like this:
MIL. btw I broke your mug, i was washing up and it just slipped, sorry
DH. that's ok i didn't like it that much
MIL. worked out ok then!

Now I feel so betrayed, can't even look at him and don't want her in the house

OP posts:
readbooksdrinktea · 09/10/2023 10:00

VeridicalVagabond · 09/10/2023 09:55

Does he know you're reading his conversations with other people? Because if he doesn't that's far more of a betrayal than not liking a fucking mug.

Yeah, this.

RB68 · 09/10/2023 10:02

Sorry OP bit of an overreaction. If he liked it he was being kind to MIL, If he didn't then he loves you and would never tell you. TO be honest he is between a rock and a hard place and no matter how special or expensive the mug was its really not worth the upset and hurt you are working on at the moment. Things get broken, sometimes they are expensive, sometimes they are emotional attachment, at the end of the day they are just things.

LookItsMeAgain · 09/10/2023 10:05

Step 1 - stop getting your MiL to do your laundry. If you can't wash/dry it yourselves, use a laundry service.
Step 2 - get your key back from MiL but be sure to thank her for everything that she has done for you up to now.
Step 3 - chat to your DH about the fact that you saw his message to his mother and ask him about it maybe?

Just a few ideas I've had since I started reading this thread.

SkyeBlue28 · 09/10/2023 10:06

He was probably trying to make his mother feel better. I would do the same.

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/10/2023 10:07

You don’t want her in the house?!

What about him? He’s the one at fault.

QforCucumber · 09/10/2023 10:21

Now I feel so betrayed, can't even look at him

Does he know that you've read the conversation between him and his mum? If not I wonder how he'd feel about that

SmileyClare · 09/10/2023 10:31

He probably wasn’t keen on the mug but didn’t like to say because of your tendency to “over react”

Id find it quite endearing if my dh pretended the mug I gave him was his favourite even though he thought it was big and hideous 😂

KrisAkabusi · 09/10/2023 10:38

Huromjuicemaker · 09/10/2023 09:52

So its a conclusive then, I am over reacting?

Yes, massively!

Abitslow · 09/10/2023 10:39

Huromjuicemaker · 09/10/2023 09:52

So its a conclusive then, I am over reacting?

Yes you are over reacting.

Betrayed over a mug really.
Looking at his messages from his own mother.🙄you got trust issues.
Madness.

HoppingPavlova · 09/10/2023 10:46

Seems like an enormous overreaction.

ASCCM · 09/10/2023 10:51

Hahahahahah IMAGINE a life so lacking that you got this upset over a mug??????

Abitslow · 09/10/2023 11:02

What happens if she dropped your DH favourite socks off the line and he sends a message there just socks will it end in divorce.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 09/10/2023 12:11

Are you feeling a bit mugged off, OP?

I’ll get my coat.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 09/10/2023 12:38

Huromjuicemaker · 09/10/2023 09:52

So its a conclusive then, I am over reacting?

Yes. He probably just said that so his Mum would feel better.

Cowlover89 · 09/10/2023 12:57

Yabu

foulksmills · 09/10/2023 13:03

Do you feel betrayed because he lied to his mother and should have stood up for the cup? Been more honest about how much the cup had always meant to him?

Or do you feel betrayed because it turns out he never truly loved the cup and was faking it all along and lying to you about the strength of his feelings towards the cup?

Zola1 · 09/10/2023 13:05

Why are you reading your husbands messages with his mum

RampantIvy · 09/10/2023 13:08

Why does she have a key?

kitsuneghost · 09/10/2023 13:08

Seriously!!!
She broke a mug, felt bad, DH comforted her by saying he didn't like it anyway
No more than that
Yes its just a cup

NigelFaragesTinyConscience · 09/10/2023 13:11

Yes over reacting .

Hankunamatata · 09/10/2023 13:11

Sorry but I laughed out loud. It's a mug. You brought it. He loved it because you brought it not because he liked the mug.
He was making his mum feel better

NoWinterYear · 09/10/2023 13:15

Why don't you want her in the house considering it was dh who said something hurtful and not her?

Also why are you reading his messages?

To be honest you sound a bit horrible. You dismiss the things she does for you by saying she's bored and you said she does them as an excuse. An excuse for what? For being nice and helpful? And then you Blame her for something your dh said. And you read his messages.

Yes, I'd say yabu.

SmileyClare · 09/10/2023 13:29

I’d wonder if it was an accident

🤣 😂

Yep she’s a psychopath- it was one of those hand painted mugs that can’t go in the dishwasher and mil was sick of it.

Shadowonasun · 09/10/2023 13:30

Did you log it with the police? They won't do anything, but it wouldn't hurt to leave a paper trail just in case. Do this, if you haven't already, then get your ducks in a row, book a spa day to de-stress and then LTB! He totally betrayed your trust and there's no coming back from this.

No, but seriously. 'I can't look at him!' over a mug! I love mumsnet for precisely this batshittery.

And how does one 'see someone's messages'? You mean, you snooped, so just say so.

CheshireCat1 · 09/10/2023 13:40

Your husband was being nice to his Mum and his Mum is just trying to be helpful. My husband accidentally dropped my favourite mug the other day, it’s a non issue.