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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son opened my birthday chocs

518 replies

Newbieatthis · 09/10/2023 01:32

I suspect IABU but.. recent birthday, chocs & flowers bought by DP as gifts from teen kids, all good so far. Came back in the afternoon to find son had opened my quite posh chocs and eaten some. I was surprised but he admitted it and I basically shoved the box in his direction and said you need to replace my birthday present, I don't want this opened box cos it was MY gift to open. Well, several days later he left a box of cheapo chocs in the kitchen, didn't say a word to me, but DP said they were for me. Gave them to son again and said I don't want this, I just want you to replace my bloody birthday present. Several more days and no action on my birthday chocs reappearing. He has money and time so I can only conclude he can't be bothered. It's not even about the bloody chocs but the principle of opening somebody else's gift, but AIBU?

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/10/2023 14:28

TheSandgroper · 09/10/2023 01:42

I’ve said it here before and I will say it again.

Sometimes, teens need a gentle explanation of the ways of life but, sometimes, they need to be slapped in the face with a wet fish.

This is a wet fish occasion. A full on, embarrassing mum in front of his mates occasion. It’s time to let your imagination let rip in retaliation.

This.

He’s a teen. Fully old enough to know better (even if 13). My 9 yo would know not to do this.

Your DH needs to be the one enforcing it as it was a birthday gift to you, not an opportunity for more work.

Cinnamonspice1 · 09/10/2023 14:30

Hibiscrubbed · 09/10/2023 14:27

It must be lovely to live in a simple little world such as yours. 😂

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Each to their own lovely

LuckySantangelo35 · 09/10/2023 14:30

@Hibiscrubbed

After all, we shared my body for 9 months.”

oh dear

Peanut91 · 09/10/2023 14:34

Tilllly · 09/10/2023 04:30

Yes. Do this

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And when he asks for it back get some cheap replacement first 🤭

Brefugee · 09/10/2023 14:41

BodegaSushi · 09/10/2023 14:24

'Posh chocs' 🤢

As an aside, can anyone from a country outside of the UK confirm if the poshness of chocolates is thing there? It baffles me how precious people get about chocolate and that it's considered a gift.

Where I'm from it's a type of generic gift you'd give to someone at Christmas if they're a colleague or they gave you a present that you didn't expect and give that in return. No one close to you would actually give it as a gift.

It would be like the equivalent of wrapping up a pack of crisps or loaf of bread Confused

handmade chocolates are very much A Thing where i am and aren't a generic shitty or cheap gift, but chosen by hand and placed carefully into a box. And receiving one of these boxes of handmade chocolates is a pleasure I've had several dozen times (I'm ancient) over the years, from my DCs oftentimes.

And they have NEVER ever helped themselves to any - unless i have passed them round. And mostly they say "are you sure? we got them for you?"

Neighbours87 · 09/10/2023 14:44

OP please make him replace the chocolates. My greedy brother always did this and my mum always let him away with it. He needs to learn you don’t take other people’s things

Scylax · 09/10/2023 14:46

You’re not unreasonable - that was yours and he should get you an exact (or at least equivalent) replacement. Plus it’s a life-lesson that he can’t treat people like that!

JimnyTCat · 09/10/2023 15:01

He opened a gift to his mother and consumed the contents. This isn't about chocolates - it's about respect and love. Gifts are acts of love and he trampled all over that.

Ladybird69 · 09/10/2023 15:06

@NewbieatthisI feel your pain. My DS did something similar! I had a posh box of chocolates that I was saving for later then when I went to have one the box had been opened and was empty! When the family came home I asked them all what they knew about it and my sons then girlfriend went bright red! Turned out that my son had been putting my posh chocolates on his girlfriend’s pillow when she was staying over!!! Bloody romantic gestures with my chocolates!!! Everyone thought it was hilarious and they all laughed, not one person thought that it was a bad thing to do and that he should replace them!!! And he was working and earning a good wage so he could have replaced them or better still bought his own chocolates in the first place.

Mummytotheboy · 09/10/2023 15:15

YANBU. He needs to replace them with what he took or just take something of his and replace it with a shit version and see how he likes it.
I don't think it means you don't have the relationship you thought you did he just probably thinks it's not a big deal and even though deep down you aren't that arsed he needs to think you are.

phoenixrosehere · 09/10/2023 15:16

BodegaSushi · 09/10/2023 14:24

'Posh chocs' 🤢

As an aside, can anyone from a country outside of the UK confirm if the poshness of chocolates is thing there? It baffles me how precious people get about chocolate and that it's considered a gift.

Where I'm from it's a type of generic gift you'd give to someone at Christmas if they're a colleague or they gave you a present that you didn't expect and give that in return. No one close to you would actually give it as a gift.

It would be like the equivalent of wrapping up a pack of crisps or loaf of bread Confused

Definitely is a thing in other countries and some countries even pride themselves on the chocolates they make. Not sure why it’s shocking. There are lots of edible items that people pay great expense for when there are other cheaper versions out there. Coffee and alcohol come to mind.

Bollindger · 09/10/2023 15:36

I think maybe this is not a hill to die on.
DS I was very disappointed you ate my posh chocolates. I don't touch your gifts so I think the shock of you doing this is when I don't get many gifts is what has hurt me and caused me to react.
I have decided to accept your replacement as I wish to clear the air before the festive season, and hope next time you ask me , as after I had opened the box I would have been willing to share. Love mum.

MrsMarzetti · 09/10/2023 15:40

Canisaysomething · 09/10/2023 09:18

He’s a child and he’s still learning and it’s yours and DH’s job to parent him still. Surprised DH hasn’t taken the lead and had a chat with him about why it is wrong and why you are hurt.

Seriously !

Brefugee · 09/10/2023 15:42

god no. I wouldn't want cheap shit full of palm oil as a replacement for expensive chocolates. I may not insist on a like for like replacement, but i want something better than a box of Roses to replace my <i have no idea what posh chocolate there is in the UK> gift box. Probably something by Lindt?

DriftingDora · 09/10/2023 15:53

LuckySantangelo35 · 09/10/2023 14:30

@Hibiscrubbed

After all, we shared my body for 9 months.”

oh dear

😂 😆 Yes, that was the violins you heard playing softly in the background...

willWillSmithsmith · 09/10/2023 16:02

rantinglunatic · 09/10/2023 12:08

Sugar is really bad for you anyay, so he's done you a favour. Send him a thank you card!

As a chocoholic who trying really hard to cut out sugar I like that. 😂

pinkspeakers · 09/10/2023 16:03

I'd definitely tell him that this isn't OK and he shouldn't help himself to any boxes of chocolates without asking first (unless you normally have chocolates that it would be OK to take, in which case you need to distinguish - I'm not sure if he knew these were special birthday chocolates or not?).

Personally, if they were a very expensive box and he doesn't have much money to spare then I wouldn't expect him to shell out to replace it. I assume he's only eaten a few? I've never really found it necessary to "punish" my teenagers to teach them how to behave. A firm word is enough. In this case I would probably have offered him some of the chocolates at some point, so he would just miss out on his share then!

AuntMarch · 09/10/2023 16:05

Yanbu, although i think "I thought we had a good relationship" is harsh. He's just been a bit thoughtless and selfish.. he is a teenager! I don't think he was being deliberately hurtful, just didn't think. But unlike some pp I do think it's a good teachable moment. I bet he had NO idea how expensive good chocolate is for a start! So yes, he should replace exactly so he thinks twice before helping himself in future. **

DNLove · 09/10/2023 16:06

I'd leave as is for now and wait for a teaching moment to do the same to him. E.g. Eat his take away and offer him some oven chips as a replacement.

Cherry2010 · 09/10/2023 16:17

Christ, get over it!

willWillSmithsmith · 09/10/2023 16:19

DNLove · 09/10/2023 16:06

I'd leave as is for now and wait for a teaching moment to do the same to him. E.g. Eat his take away and offer him some oven chips as a replacement.

That’s childish and spiteful. OP says her son is a good lad normally but the lynch mob has been out in force here. Let’s put him in the stocks and throw cream pies at him (shaving cream of course, can’t be a confection). Yes he did wrong but he didn’t kill the cat or drown the hamster but the posters spitting blood on here over it is ridiculous. One minor transgression does not a delinquent make.

Gymnopedie · 09/10/2023 16:20

Cherry2010 · 09/10/2023 16:17

Christ, get over it!

Why should she?

saraclara · 09/10/2023 16:20

CurlewKate · 09/10/2023 07:55

I do hate it when Mumsnetters excuse this sort of behaviour. Possibly excusable at 6. Outrageous at 16.

Yep. And he'll not give a stuff about his partner's birthday, or her own stuff when he's 26, 36 or 46+ if it's not brought home to him that this is inexcusable. And a woman will be posting here in sadness and frustration about him in ten years or so.

It's not like he even went out and bought the chocolates or used his own money in the first place. His dad bought them from him.

From the moment that my DDs had their own pocket money (at around eight years old) they used their own money to buy family birthday presents, tiny though the gifts might be. That's the whole point...thinking of others.

Applesaarenttheonlyfruit · 09/10/2023 16:32

ZolaBudd · 09/10/2023 04:47

Christ , you’re all so petty. Have a sit down, explain to him why you’re upset and move on

What and create a man that thinks he can do what he wants, sit through the ‘lecture’ nod and smile…. and ignore.

Have you not read the countless threads on here about self centred selfish men? Where does it start? At home. Where can it stop? At home.

Handyweatherstation · 09/10/2023 16:34

saraclara · 09/10/2023 16:20

Yep. And he'll not give a stuff about his partner's birthday, or her own stuff when he's 26, 36 or 46+ if it's not brought home to him that this is inexcusable. And a woman will be posting here in sadness and frustration about him in ten years or so.

It's not like he even went out and bought the chocolates or used his own money in the first place. His dad bought them from him.

From the moment that my DDs had their own pocket money (at around eight years old) they used their own money to buy family birthday presents, tiny though the gifts might be. That's the whole point...thinking of others.

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A young man I know ate a bag of chocolate buttons his girlfriend was saving, so she dumped him. It wasn't the chocolate, it was the fact that he took them without asking and didn't say anything.