Son opened my birthday chocs

[Newbieatthis]

I suspect IABU but.. recent birthday, chocs & flowers bought by DP as gifts from teen kids, all good so far. Came back in the afternoon to find son had opened my quite posh chocs and eaten some. I was surprised but he admitted it and I basically shoved the box in his direction and said you need to replace my birthday present, I don't want this opened box cos it was MY gift to open. Well, several days later he left a box of cheapo chocs in the kitchen, didn't say a word to me, but DP said they were for me. Gave them to son again and said I don't want this, I just want you to replace my bloody birthday present. Several more days and no action on my birthday chocs reappearing. He has money and time so I can only conclude he can't be bothered. It's not even about the bloody chocs but the principle of opening somebody else's gift, but AIBU?

I would expect my Dh to drag him out and drop him to the shops to do this, or something like ban the footy in the house until it’s done. YANBU though, the chocs must be replaced

My husband did this to me once and I was unreasonably annoyed about it. Just thought it was so rude. He bought me chocs and then a few days later I went to open them and he's eaten half the box. He didn't even replace them. Fully admit it's silly but it just makes you feel very unimportant.

Oh come on, it’s not that deep. Of course Yabu, pick your battles….

I get your analogy, Brefugee - and it was a good one.

Chocoholics can't help themselves.

Forgive him.

He's your son and it's no big deal.

Gosh. Even my seven year old and ten years olds knows not to take my nice chocolates. And they raids the cupboards for whatever they can find, but they knows better than to take those.

YANBU.

Well done for taking a stand OP. Otherwise your sons' fate is to become a husband whose wife starts MN threads about how he buys her things HE likes for her birthday and then eats them.

HA! Just proved my point.

You were not unreasonably annoyed @Winnipeggy and its sad that you think you were.

Chocoholics can't help themselves.

Forgive him.

He's your son and it's no big deal.

It's not about the chocolates. It's a simple matter of boundaries and respect for other people.

Why is OP being so unreasonable to care about those chocolates - her present; whereas her DS is somehow very reasonable to care enough about those same chocolates - somebody else's present - that he feels he should have them to himself?

He didn't even have to buy the nice present himself, but he certainly had enough money to buy some cheap substitutes. If he had learned the basic lesson that you'd expect most people to have learned by his age, he could at least have gone and bought the cheap chocolates and enjoyed them all to himself, whilst leaving OP's belongings alone.

And it doesn't make somebody into an addict to be given one standard-sized present for their birthday and to want to enjoy it themselves - or at least to get to open it themselves and then (most probably) offer to share it. Do you think that somebody who eats a tin of soup is a 'soupaholic' or somebody who drinks a cup of coffee is a 'caffeine addict'?

I mean I would find it more sad that a 16 year old had to be bought the present to give. Our oldest is 13 and a kindly whispered reminder about dad's birthday last week and he goes and gets him a mug and choccies himself

Well done for taking a stand OP. Otherwise your sons' fate is to become a husband whose wife starts MN threads about how he buys her things HE likes for her birthday and then eats them.

Many of us laughed at the absurdity of the episode of The Simpsons where Homer bought Marge a 'present' of a bowling ball - with his name embossed in it, drilled to fit his fingers, when Marge doesn't even like bowling anyway. It was a fictional comedy; not a manual showing you how you should behave.

@phoenixrosehere how would you know if he’s going into shared accommodation what a strange statement
he may not have the money to buy them back despite her saying he has money - he may have spent it . She must be the one giving him money as he’s a child

imagine causing this much grief in the household over a box of chocolates 🙄
The OP has literally written 2 post and had not been on here since- possibly shocked all the stupid comments she has received
there are people in her ridiculously telling her to kick him out, refuse to cook or clean for him, to buy him a gift, and then eat it in his face. What kind of fools are posting in here? I hope I don’t have kids as that is no way to teach somebody humidity or respect.
No wonder there are so many nutters about with parents who encourage punishment like this
Yes he should not have eaten her chocolates. However OP has provided zero context. Do Birthday chocolates usually get eaten by the whole household as in many other households and he didn’t know? Was the way she approached him shitty instead of explaining to him, and he got upset? Did he eat them in retaliation for her eating something of his? Nothing so who are we to judge based on that one post
she literally ran to mumsnet over a box of poxy chocolates. I doubt his future life choices are going to be based on this one event for gods sake get a grip 😂

Meant to say, I hope they don’t have kids!

But why is it no big deal? If it were birthday champagne and he drank it, because alcoholics can’t help themselves? Birthday cash and he spent it, because spendthrifts can’t help themselves?

Is it because it’s chocolate, and chocolate has become synonymous with frilly, meaningless women’s things – chocolate shoes bubble baths lol?

Her gifts from her kids (leaving aside her DP had to organise them!) were flowers and chocolates; so he took half her gift. Would it have been OK if the other child took the flowers for their room? No big deal, right?

read it again. I was positing a different but similar scenario with a) a daughter instead of son and b) something in place of chocolates. As a thought experiment for what people would say then.

(can we ban "chocs" it's like something from the flippin' Beano)

YANBU

If 50% of people disagree with you what makes you so certain that you’re right? And that they need your analogy to be converted to your way of thinking?

@AuntieJoyce If this were a political debate, you’d be absolutely right and really scoring a zinger. Also, I know I’m not going to convert anyone who has developed this deep mindset of their needs being at the bottom of the pile. And I would be in the wrong, because people are entitled to their opinions. But something about this profoundly upsets me, because here’s the issue: living your life in such a way that you don’t think or realize (maybe subconsciously) that you deserve 100% of your presents, whether they’re chocolates or fireworks or spa weekends or hot air balloon rides or slippers or whisky or anything under the sun, just because you happened to get married and have children is… heartbreaking. You shouldn’t require your children to share everything that’s theirs, and you shouldn’t be required to share everything either. It should be a choice - maybe OP would have enjoyed sharing them with her family after she’d had a few, but she didn’t get the choice. You don’t ever cease to be a person who deserves a present, something you really want, all to yourself (or to make the decision to share), at your birthday or other holidays you celebrate, regardless of your familial relationships - you are the only you that will ever exist, and that’s very, very worth celebrating. I’m sure you, personally, are worth that celebration as well. Life is so damn short, and none of us ever know how long it will be. (And I can’t pretend my opinion isn’t shaped completely by how short my life is now turning out to be; it would be disingenuous to say otherwise). If OP was permanently damaging her relationship with her son over it (stonewalling him, refusing affection), I’d be telling her life is short as well. But she just sounds a bit frustrated by it all, which is why my advice is the way it is. I don’t think you need to have a huge palaver about a birthday (unless you WANT one), but it IS a celebration - you have made another trip around the sun, and survived another year, and so many who wanted to see their next birthdays have not. We should be going up on a mountain top on our birthdays and screaming, “I’M STILL HERE! THE BASTARDS WILL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!”

So… first choice of your own birthday present (if it’s a posh box of chocolates) seems a really small thing to ask.

You were right to call him out obviously but I would be wary about making this into some form of power struggle. As others have said, pick your battles.

I used to have a similar problem with my now adult son. Turns out he is neurodivergent (which I'd always suspected). Are there any other aspects of his behaviour which concern you?

Where has the OP disappeared to? Maybe she is sat there enjoying the rest of the chocolates. We still didn’t find out which posh chocs they were!

My husband did this to me once and I was unreasonably annoyed about it. Just thought it was so rude. He bought me chocs and then a few days later I went to open them and he's eaten half the box. He didn't even replace them. Fully admit it's silly but it just makes you feel very unimportant

Nothing shows more that YANBU OP than this sad post. This poor poster thinks she is so unworthy of any consideration, or anything for herself, that she chastises herself as 'silly' for feeling unimportant when her H eats half of the present that HE bought her, and before she had even opened them.

Jeez, who wants to bring up a boy to become THAT man, and who will assume his wife will accept this and blame herself for feeling bad about being treated like that. Your son OP will know this is unacceptable and that his wife shouldn't and won't tolerate it.

I understood the analogy but still couldn't get the point the poster was making, whether they were agreeing or disagreeing with the OP.

Perhaps he has dementia.

Honestly would't bother having a fight over this! He's going to think you're nuts or some kind of weird posh chocolate obsessive. It's all just a load of gunky sugar at the end of the day!

There was another thread on here a while ago where a husband had stolen his wife's posh chocolates and everyone went incandescent and told her to LTB. It was one of the weirdest threads I have ever witnessed

Indeed. I bet the son can't understand the fuss. Wouldn't he has got his share of chocolates anyway? Or the OP would eat it all herself?