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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son opened my birthday chocs

518 replies

Newbieatthis · 09/10/2023 01:32

I suspect IABU but.. recent birthday, chocs & flowers bought by DP as gifts from teen kids, all good so far. Came back in the afternoon to find son had opened my quite posh chocs and eaten some. I was surprised but he admitted it and I basically shoved the box in his direction and said you need to replace my birthday present, I don't want this opened box cos it was MY gift to open. Well, several days later he left a box of cheapo chocs in the kitchen, didn't say a word to me, but DP said they were for me. Gave them to son again and said I don't want this, I just want you to replace my bloody birthday present. Several more days and no action on my birthday chocs reappearing. He has money and time so I can only conclude he can't be bothered. It's not even about the bloody chocs but the principle of opening somebody else's gift, but AIBU?

OP posts:
willWillSmithsmith · 09/10/2023 09:57

ElleCapitaine · 09/10/2023 09:47

Change the Wi-Fi password. Your chocolates will be replaced before the end of the day.

Good move! 😁

Banana1979 · 09/10/2023 09:58

Some really immature comments  saying you should stop cooking and cleaning for him and everything ,  is that how immature people are these days
 this grown woman is throwing her toys out of the pram because her son ate a few of her chocolates 🙄
 A good friend of mine refused to talk to her son for two days because he ate a takeaway she had bought  without asking her -before he came home on the second day, he was run over and killed. she has spent the last few years, suicidal because she didn’t speak to him before he died.
  my point is life is too short for this shit
you Made her point very clear to him and there is no point having a disgusting horrible atmosphere in the house and not talking to each other over a few chocolates. I think he understands now ffs. 
How did you’re approaching when you told him about the chocolate maybe the way you approach them upset him and now he doesn’t want to buy you more? Have you eaten any of his stuff and now he’s retaliating? How old is your son? Seriously, thow u approach him when you told him about the chocolate? maybe the way you approached him upset him and now he doesn’t want to buy you more? Have you eaten any of his stuff and now he’s retaliating? How old is your son? Seriously, this is something a five year old would do - get over it and I thought it necessary to put this on here as well. First world problems

GreenFields07 · 09/10/2023 09:58

YANBU
Hes old enough to know better and to be taught a lesson here. Doesn't matter what the gift was, you dont take other people's presents / food / stuff without asking.
Anyone saying YABU is raising a man child who will never know boundaries and expect to get away with this well into adult life because mummy didnt say no. Teach your children to do better

Violinist64 · 09/10/2023 09:58

Definitely not. Even the most thoughtful 16 year old can do something hurtful and thoughtless. He needs to replace the expensive chocolates asap. It's also a good time to tell him that he could well be off to university in a couple of years and living in shared accommodation and his flatmates won't take kindly to him stealing their food.

Banana1979 · 09/10/2023 09:59

typos ffs

LuckySantangelo35 · 09/10/2023 10:01

@Cinnamonspice1

“He only took a few chocolates, get over it!

I can’t believe some of the things I read on here…..no wonder so many elderly are left alone or in nursing homes.”

yeah absolutely as a woman you have to be an absolute martyr, never assert boundaries, and never have anything for yourself if you want to have a hope in hell of being visited by your family when you’re elderly.

does anyone really believe this?!

how sad and MISOGYNISTIC

spitefulandbadgrammar · 09/10/2023 10:02

willWillSmithsmith · 09/10/2023 09:57

Good move! 😁

Show quote history

Also change the Wi-Fi name to “They Were Audrey’s Violet Creams, Augustus Gloop”

Banana1979 · 09/10/2023 10:02

Cinnamonspice1 · 09/10/2023 09:23

He only took a few chocolates, get over it!

I can’t believe some of the things I read on here…..no wonder so many elderly are left alone or in nursing homes.

@Cinnamonspice1 sad isn’t it
I feel sorry for the children of people on here who are telling the Op to kick her son out. Don’t cook or clean for him. Don’t buy him gifts miss out on his future gifts what disgusting parents they must be.
Way to go to bring up a horrible human being by doing something like that
hope he has to do is sit down with her son and explain how this upset her and made her feel devalued that’s all instead she’s throwing her toys out of the pram like a five year old making it into a massive world war issue on mum’s net for God sake🙄🙄🙄🥱🥱🥱

HoldOnMiGenna · 09/10/2023 10:02

According to too many of these comments...the "discomfort is abuse when it comes to slack boy children /grown man is a self absorbed arsehole" pipeline hasn't got the same problem of being finite, unlike fossil fuels.

When will " Mother's Knee" stop being a provenance of male unaccountability and entitlement..that other girls and women , society, teachers, the law, prison are then expected to accept or correct?

jaxmum22 · 09/10/2023 10:03

Why is DP buying gifts from teen kids? If ‘chocolate thief’ was taught that you need to make the effort for someone’s birthday he might come to appreciate the act of giving as well as receiving; how it feels to make someone happy with something as simple as a box of chocolates. Think there are more lessons needing to be learnt here other than don’t open other people’s chocolates

Bellaboo01 · 09/10/2023 10:03

It wouldnt have bothered me tbh but, it obviously has you so he should respect and i assume know your boundaries.

Banana1979 · 09/10/2023 10:04

Newbieatthis · 09/10/2023 01:44

He's nearly 16 and is normally a really kind and decent boy, I thought we had a good relationship!

The OP has said it her son is usually a kind boy. Yeah everyone here saying she should kick him out stop cleaning and doing everything for him over a few poxy chocolate. Please don’t have kids people!

phoenixrosehere · 09/10/2023 10:05

Banana1979 · 09/10/2023 09:58

Some really immature comments  saying you should stop cooking and cleaning for him and everything ,  is that how immature people are these days
 this grown woman is throwing her toys out of the pram because her son ate a few of her chocolates 🙄
 A good friend of mine refused to talk to her son for two days because he ate a takeaway she had bought  without asking her -before he came home on the second day, he was run over and killed. she has spent the last few years, suicidal because she didn’t speak to him before he died.
  my point is life is too short for this shit
you Made her point very clear to him and there is no point having a disgusting horrible atmosphere in the house and not talking to each other over a few chocolates. I think he understands now ffs. 
How did you’re approaching when you told him about the chocolate maybe the way you approach them upset him and now he doesn’t want to buy you more? Have you eaten any of his stuff and now he’s retaliating? How old is your son? Seriously, thow u approach him when you told him about the chocolate? maybe the way you approached him upset him and now he doesn’t want to buy you more? Have you eaten any of his stuff and now he’s retaliating? How old is your son? Seriously, this is something a five year old would do - get over it and I thought it necessary to put this on here as well. First world problems

At 15 almost 16, he should be doing some cooking and cleaning himself anyway.

It’s the principle of the matter as it has been said countless times and as another poster pointed out, if he goes off into shared accommodations with this attitude, he’s going to find himself in trouble.

JinglingSpringbells · 09/10/2023 10:06

Is this a case of the 'absent father'?

ie- he's not telling his son off.

TBH I'd be equally annoyed with him, or more so.

He's the adult in all of this.
He bought the gifts (when really, at 16, a child should be independent enough to buy his mum a birthday gift with his own pocket money.)

Life is just being made too easy for him by his Dad.

And as a male role model, the dad is not setting a good example.

It's not about chocolates.

It's about a teen boy being brought up to be entitled and getting away with it (by his dad.)

NotQuiteHere · 09/10/2023 10:07

You are throwing tantrums over a box of chocolates?

Thewizardbinbag · 09/10/2023 10:09

NotQuiteHere · 09/10/2023 10:07

You are throwing tantrums over a box of chocolates?

Do you think this is about chocolate? Really? You really think that’s what it is?

I do worry about the sort of people raising kids.

lilyblue5 · 09/10/2023 10:10

YANBU - I’d be FUMING

spitefulandbadgrammar · 09/10/2023 10:11

NotQuiteHere · 09/10/2023 10:07

You are throwing tantrums over a box of chocolates?

If it’s so petty and meaningless, simply a box of chocolates, he can replace them, can’t he?

JinglingSpringbells · 09/10/2023 10:11

NotQuiteHere · 09/10/2023 10:07

You are throwing tantrums over a box of chocolates?

Is your moral code so low that you think it's fine for someone to open and eat someone else's birth day gift before they have received them?

He's almost 16.

Not 16 months.

And he didn't even go to the effort of buying them.
His dad did, and all the son had to do was hand them over.

God, no wonder this site is full of women complaining about being badly treated by men if sons get away with this kind of behaviour.

Dillane · 09/10/2023 10:15

Newbieatthis · 09/10/2023 01:44

He's nearly 16 and is normally a really kind and decent boy, I thought we had a good relationship!

You are completely overreacting OP, get a grip.

LuckySantangelo35 · 09/10/2023 10:17

Why are some women on here to quick to make every excuse in the book for the son whilst finding any way possible to penalise and criticise OP?
sad times

C8H10N4O2 · 09/10/2023 10:17

Newbieatthis · 09/10/2023 01:46

I need to go fishing...

Fishing going well then?

Cinnamonspice1 · 09/10/2023 10:18

Banana1979 · 09/10/2023 10:02

@Cinnamonspice1 sad isn’t it
I feel sorry for the children of people on here who are telling the Op to kick her son out. Don’t cook or clean for him. Don’t buy him gifts miss out on his future gifts what disgusting parents they must be.
Way to go to bring up a horrible human being by doing something like that
hope he has to do is sit down with her son and explain how this upset her and made her feel devalued that’s all instead she’s throwing her toys out of the pram like a five year old making it into a massive world war issue on mum’s net for God sake🙄🙄🙄🥱🥱🥱

Show quote history

Have to feel sorry for her son more than anything and everyone else that seems to be having a meltdown on here 🙄😂

She thought the relationship was good 🙈 wonder how her relationship with her husband is with her attitude 😬 must be an amazing place to live in. Good luck to them all

BananaPyjamaLlama · 09/10/2023 10:19

Id be really cross about this too and would definitely want a direct replacement and a proper apology.

How would he like it if the situation was reversed? Completely disrespectful.
Yabu to say "chocs" though!

Iwasafool · 09/10/2023 10:22

Flowerpowera7 · 09/10/2023 04:55

He bought you a replacement box even if cheap he made some effort. Chocolate is addiction. Leave it I think.

I don't think a 16 year old is going to see the significance of posh chocolates v any old box of chocolates. They will happily eat crap so why wouldn't you?

He shouldn't have opened the first box but personally I'd accept the box he went out and bought. The first box weren't actually from him, he made no effort to buy them, maybe your DP stepping back and expecting your son to save some money and actually buy you a gift would be good.