To want to keep my son warm?

[Lkhtw]

DH and I have very different ideas on what is a comfortable temperature in life.

I love to be warm. Wherever I am. My preferd holiday is anywhere hot, I like fluffy bedding, I have fluffy throws on the sofa and so on.

I'm not always cold (though sometimes I am to extremes) but even if I'm an OK temperature I like to cover myself with something fluffy because I prefer a slightly above average temperature. And I hate being cold in any way and take action to stop myself from getting cold in the 1st place rather than trying to warm myself up after the fact.

DH is so far oposite. He hates being even slightly warm. He is constantly saying he is too warm. As soon as it goes over 12°c in the UK he declares it too hot and needs to take action in the house. He opens windows, runs fans, takes my blanket off the bed. My biggest pet peeve is him walking into a room I'm in, such as the lounge, declaring "it's too warm in here" opening the window, AND THEN FUCKING OFF! YOU ARENT EVEN GOING TO BE SPENDING TIME IN THE ROOM! STOP DECIDING MY TEMPERATURE! He has incredibly poor circulation and blood pressure (you can play noughts and crosses on his hands waiting for the blood to return) so when he touches me with his hands of ice I'm always warmer than them in comparison (but so is the inside of the freezer) so he says I'm not cold and so should have the fan on.

My problem is he is now deciding the temperature for our DS (5 months) and we can't agree on it. Every time I turn my back for 3 mins he has taken him and changed his clothes to something thinner or without arms and legs claiming he was too warm. Every time he holds him he turns the fan on and sits directly in front of it saying the baby is overheating. I know DS isn't going to want to be as warm as me but every time I take him back he's freezing! He snuggles back in and burrows trying to warm up as soon as he can. I've not got him in 4 layers and under a pile of blankets. I've got him in a regular cotton onesie or tiny tracksuit bottoms and t-shirt and then under a single blanket at night for bed time. We have a digital thermometer so we know he isn't getting too warm like DH suggests but he does it any way.

AIBU to want my son to be warm? He's making me doubt myself he has said it so often. Should babies be kept cooler?

Feeling too warm is never a good thing.
It can induce panic, sweating and nausea.

Get the windows open for some fresh, cool air.

Warm rooms are stuffy with no air flow, and are no good for "germs".

I find rooms are fine at no more than 22°C.

But, that's just my take on it.

I agree with you. I absolutely loathe being cold, although I do like fresh air.

I often find that people who prefer it cold find it absolutely incomprehensible that other people don't want to be freezing, like it's some character flaw of yours.

You are both operating at extremes. Ask your health visitor for advice

Your DH doesn’t understand that a suitable temperature for an adult is not a suitable temperature for a baby. They’re small and lose heat quickly, they need to be wrapped up. He’s going to make your baby unwell if he doesn’t learn more about parenting very quickly. Babies are not the same as adults.

I am sure you will have lots of people posting to say that their ideal temperature at home is 15 degrees and anything above that makes them sweat. I just don’t get it and have never encountered this anywhere other than the U.K. (and I have lived in a few different countries and have had friends from lots of different places).

For me around 22 degrees is probably the ideal temperature inside. But less for sleeping - probably 18 degrees for sleeping.

for babies, the room they sleep in should be between 16 and 20 degrees.

Get a gro egg type thermometer and get him to go off that, if you can't show any sense about a temp for a young baby, you needs to stay warmer than an adult.

You need to compromise on a temperature between both your preferrences and stick with it.

Imo it is easier to stick on more clothes and a blanket if you want to be warmer, but less pleasant and harder to deal with an over heated room with no air.

How does that apply when he’s not even in the room? Just comes in to open the window and leaves? I’m a cold person who loves to be warm, obviously I’m rational about heating etc but if Dh did that I couldn’t live with him! And as for him making my baby cold, I’d be furious. ‘Look at him he’s snuggling in to be warm because you’ve frozen him solid, my poor baby.’

The room isn't warm. The thermostat in the room says it hovers at around 19°c. He just says it's warm.
And we do have the windows open for some air. But if its cold it's cold.

The room isn't massively warm. It's around 19°. And I quite like my blankets. For me it's more about being snuggly or cozy than warm. (Apart from when he opens all the windows when it's 5° outside because I can't get my nose under the blanket without sufocating)

My concern is that DS is being made to be cold. He can't go and put more layers on or grab himself a blanket like I do.

The general rule for babies is one more layer than you are wearing is comfortable for them. Babies can't tell you they're cold as they can't shiver yet and regulate their temp, poor little fella getting chilled :(

I am a lot like your DH and can not stand being too hot. I do think it's ok to pop a window open to let fresh air in but definitely some compromise needs to happen between you both. My DH prefers it warmer not anything extreme but when it comes to our kids, they have sort of adapted to my kind of temperature from small just an example both my kids hate being covered during sleep and prefer to not really wear coats unless it's freezing and I grew up the same. However, I wouldn't recommend your DH with a 5 month old in front of a fan and as the mum your temperature I believe better regulates than your DH. However, to be on safe side best consult with your health visitor.

He does it with the light as well as the window. and occasionally the volume on the TV. It drives me absolutely mad.
We have a dimmer switch in the living room and I'll be there, with the light at about 75%, relaxing with a crossword and he will walk in go "wow its a bit bright in here" then turn the dimmer down to 25% and then leave and go upstairs on the computer! Why?!?! You are adjusting a room to your preference WHEN YOU ARENT EVEN GOING TO BE IN IT!!!

I have actually messaged him from my sofa before saying

'I was lovely and happy and you walked in, opened the window, turned the fan on, turned my light up and turned the tv up. I'm now cold, blind and deaf and you arent even here enjoying this piece of hell you created. Get your arse back downstairs and put my room back how I had it!'

Buy a good room thermometer and keep it beside your baby. Check with your Health Visitor what temperature his room should be. I'm the 'always too hot' one in our house and even I think your DH is wrong.

The room stays at around 19°. But he says he is still overheating because he has clothes on and sits him in front of the fan.

That sounds unbearable! My fans are shoved into storage with my summer clothes in October. I certainly wouldn't be sitting a baby in front of one until they're cold to touch.

Feel the need to add:

DS was born 6 weeks early so was very small for a while and had trouble holding his temp in the hospital.
Whilst we were there DH asked the midwife how to tell if a baby is hot or cold.
She said "if a baby is too cold it will cry but if a baby is too warm it wont". And "if a babies hands and feet are cold then don't worry, feel their chest for their core temperature and that's what matters"

DH heard the words but took this to mean "omg he's not crying so he must be overheating we need to get a fan on him now!" (like he wants him to be crying 24/7 just as a temperature monitor) And then he checks DS chest to see how it feels and his ice cold hands make the baby jump and declares he is burning up. NO! HES JUST WARMER THAN YOUR ICE BLOCKS SO SEEMS IT TO YOU!

This is why you need the Gro Egg a PP mentioned. It not only tells you the temperature, but it is colour coded and has a happy or sad face on the display so you know whether this temperature is suitable for a baby or not. A thermometer alone will just cause your DP to argue over numbers. A Gro Egg is much more concrete information about the baby's potential comfort. You could even get multiple Gro Eggs for different rooms.

That sounds infuriating!

Op, I’m like you! Absolute hate being cold. I’m a lizard, seriously! My husband is also alwaaaays hot. He’d have our home at 61f if it were up to him. Kicks off the blankets, it’s a fight.

That being said, you need to look up safe temperatures for infants… overdressing them is dangerous. Bedrooms shouldn’t be too warm etc…

I’m surprised you haven’t stormed off to where he is, turned the lights off, the heating up and poured out his drink for good measure. ‘There, now we have both made each other uncomfortable so at least we are on even ground. I’m done with letting you walk into the space I’m in, make it uncomfortable for me, then walk out.’

When he walks into the room you need to say do not touch the windows or fans we’re comfortable in here.
He sounds like a control freak tbh.

Oh and my dh turns lights off and so does his dsis, drives me crazy.

That would drive me mad. I can't bear cold houses, 19 degrees is cold! Why is the UK like this, for instance saying that the right temperature for a baby's room is between 16-20 - they don't say this in my country, they recommend 20-22, if you kept the baby's room at 16 degrees here social services would probably want a word!

They both sound it