To want to keep my son warm?

[Lkhtw]

DH and I have very different ideas on what is a comfortable temperature in life.

I love to be warm. Wherever I am. My preferd holiday is anywhere hot, I like fluffy bedding, I have fluffy throws on the sofa and so on.

I'm not always cold (though sometimes I am to extremes) but even if I'm an OK temperature I like to cover myself with something fluffy because I prefer a slightly above average temperature. And I hate being cold in any way and take action to stop myself from getting cold in the 1st place rather than trying to warm myself up after the fact.

DH is so far oposite. He hates being even slightly warm. He is constantly saying he is too warm. As soon as it goes over 12°c in the UK he declares it too hot and needs to take action in the house. He opens windows, runs fans, takes my blanket off the bed. My biggest pet peeve is him walking into a room I'm in, such as the lounge, declaring "it's too warm in here" opening the window, AND THEN FUCKING OFF! YOU ARENT EVEN GOING TO BE SPENDING TIME IN THE ROOM! STOP DECIDING MY TEMPERATURE! He has incredibly poor circulation and blood pressure (you can play noughts and crosses on his hands waiting for the blood to return) so when he touches me with his hands of ice I'm always warmer than them in comparison (but so is the inside of the freezer) so he says I'm not cold and so should have the fan on.

My problem is he is now deciding the temperature for our DS (5 months) and we can't agree on it. Every time I turn my back for 3 mins he has taken him and changed his clothes to something thinner or without arms and legs claiming he was too warm. Every time he holds him he turns the fan on and sits directly in front of it saying the baby is overheating. I know DS isn't going to want to be as warm as me but every time I take him back he's freezing! He snuggles back in and burrows trying to warm up as soon as he can. I've not got him in 4 layers and under a pile of blankets. I've got him in a regular cotton onesie or tiny tracksuit bottoms and t-shirt and then under a single blanket at night for bed time. We have a digital thermometer so we know he isn't getting too warm like DH suggests but he does it any way.

AIBU to want my son to be warm? He's making me doubt myself he has said it so often. Should babies be kept cooler?

It's better for a baby to be slightly cool than too warm, so I would agree with your husband on this one. I see so many massively overdressed babies who are no doubt terribly uncomfortable. Try and find some middle ground but don't assume he needs all the extra layers you enjoy.

I hate the heat and I find rooms being too hot absolutely unbearable. That being said I have children (including a five month old) and I recognise the temperature needs to be at about 19 / 20 degrees.

I have a fan that faces me so I can cool down if needed. A lot of energy but it means everyone is happy and safe.

I do empathise with your husband as someone who is very hot. I look at my baby and worry they will be too hot wearing too much clothes etc because that’s how I feel. I just either ask DH to check what he thinks or I try to keep rules such as always have a blanket on the pram etc

At no point have I said he is in my extra layers. I said he is in a regular cotton onesie or baby trackies and a t shirt. (Dungarees if we going somewhere fancy or for a meal)
That's my point. I'm not wrapping him up warm. I've got him in a basic 1 layer outfit and DH takes that off him and makes him cold.

@OP someone up the thread was implying that 22 was somehow freezing. I rented my flat to a young couple with a baby a few years ago (as I had moved in with now DH). Every time I had to go over there it was absolutely roasting in there, and they only had the thermostat at 23. They were always complaining that it was cold though :-/

Not sure if it's still the case but when mine were babies about 20 year ago we were constantly warned about not letting them overheat.

Babies can t regulate their body temperature, you do have to dress them more warmly than an adult.

They say babies should have one layer in addition to you on so your 4m old should really have a vest and sleep suit on in august, a sleep bag at night/swaddle. I also hate being too warm but babies do need to be kept slightly warmer, hence maternity wards being like the Sahara. In the same token , they can’t cool down via sweating like us so need to b careful for overheating.

This. You need to raise hell over this.

Goid air fliw in all weather's is a must.

It's better for a baby to be cool rather than too hot. Warm your body to the temperature you like rather hhan the house.

• do not let your baby get too hot or too cold – a room temperature of 16C to 20C, with light bedding or a lightweight baby sleeping bag, will provide a comfortable sleeping environment for your baby

SIDS website

Back of the neck test surely. Just stick two fingers under your baby's neck. They should be warm to the touch but not sweaty.

Air conditioning is only the latest inequality in a list of sexist design errors (inews.co.uk)

There need be no arguments about this. Research a good room and skin thermometer for babies which tell you when they are the right temperature. Something like the Gro-Egg thermometers. Get the baby and the room to the temperature that the thermometer suggests they should be and keep them there. As adults you can both strip off and add layers/blankets as you please, and your bodies' can control their own temperature well. The baby cannot do either of these things and will become ill if it is too hot or cold. You cannot simply argue about actual biology which affects the care of your baby, and it could end up that both of you are abusing your baby if you just argue about it and fail to take a scientific view point.

You should never put a fan directly on a small baby.

Your husband actually sounds quite controlling. It's the altering your environment that he's not going to share that rings alarm bells. Either that, or he struggles to take another person's point of view and understand their experience can be different from his own?

What is sexist is stupid articles like this with peddle myths about men and women.

My ex husband and I had thermostat wars - but he was the one turning it up. My current partner and I would have thermostat wars for the same reason if we lived together.

Everyone is different and it's a pile of horseshit to say that "women's brains only function if it's warm".

OP and her husband can sort out their impasse by buying a thermometer for their baby's room along with a chart for the recommended temperature for babies.

Any time there’s a heatwave one of the key bits of advice you see re young kids is not having fans point directly at them. Your DH is being totally irresponsible sitting at a fan with DS. He would only need to do some really basic research to find this out. He’s being enough of an arse with what he does to you (opening windows even if not staying in room etc) but it’s a step too far doing that to DS. Even if his sense of temp really is off, the fact DS snuggles to get cozy again & isn’t running a temp should tell DH to back off. Is it an option to ask heath visitor at next visit so DH can hear it from someone else?

re the differences between the two of you - if thermostat is at 19, presumably a compromise for you both, why does he feel he can further control room temp without any discussion? Not necessarily deliberately, but that’s very controlling and not how a partnership should work imo.

Use the thermometer card the health visitor gives out or ask them for one. It clearly shows the temp and what the baby should be wearing/how many blankets ect at night. I love mine, i have it on our room by my dd moses basket so that me or dh can check shes suitable for the temp. Our dd1 was a december baby and our dd2 is june. Is been very strange not wrapping her up like dd1 due to different times of year.
Your dh is more likely to follow this if the advice has come from a 'professional'

Generally I'd agree that the temperature should be set at what is most comfortable for the hotter person as the cooler person can put more clothes/a wearable blanket on, but the person who runs hot can't cool down by taking more clothes off. That said, that's within reason - I wouldn't be sitting in 13 degrees!

For the baby though, I think you need to work out whether he is a hot dog or runs cool, rather than each imposing your own temperature "ideology" on him. I find the generic temperature guides unhelpful myself... DC1 was a hot dog and so would have overheated in the specified number of layers, while DC2 appears to like being warm.

Please never point a fan directly at baby.
Maybe both of you together read up on some Safe sleep guidance from the lullaby trust.
Have you got a thermometer? Take baby's temperature and that will give you a more accurate answer as to whether they're hot or cold.

You’re being far too dramatic!
19c is tropical!.
we’re still wearing shorts T-shirts, opening windows and doors and yet to put the duvet on our beds!

TIL that what I thought is a normal temperature for a house is “cold.” (Husband and I agree though.) I did grow up in northern Scotland with no central heating till I was 7 though so perhaps I am skewed. I wonder if there’s a study on different temperatures for babies by country.

I remember being told. Cold babies cry hot babies die. You need an objective middle.ground.

Honestly? You both sound quite extreme and unwilling to listen to the other.

So it's better to be a little too cold then too warm for a baby as they can't physically tell if they're too warm but from a prepping for baby course I did before my first arrived I always remembered it saying particularly for the first few months that baby should have one more layer then you so if your husband is in t-shirt and tracksuit baby needs a cardigan or light blanket also shouldn't have a fan directed straight on the baby either

DH is being very unreasonable as a five month old baby lacks the ability to thermoregulate in response to cold like an older child or adult. They don’t develop the physiological ability to shiver until 6 months plus.

But most babies born at 36 weeks plus have the ability to sweat within the first day of life, and by 13 weeks old almost all babies can sweat in response to excess heat.