To wonder how parents deal with once child being more successful than the other?

[User5512]

Is it hard to not feel sorry for the “poorer” child?

DC A : Got lucky with their first job at a start up, successful exit after 5 yrs. invested wisely and is now a multi millionaire. Great lifestyle, flexible pay, very high paying jobs (C level) etc

DC B: NHS consultant, stressful job, relatively lower pay, very little flexibility. Married to another NHS doctor.

Parents support DC B a lot (childcare mostly) and DC-A gets quite annoyed as they don’t get as much support. They can afford to pay, but you can’t buy grandparents.

DC-B feels left out when DC-A takes parents on exotic holidays with their family, gives them expensive gifts (cars and watches etc)

Parents feel stuck in the middle !

DH's family are A and B here, us being the B couple. DH has as good job, we have a nice house and I work part time. We are comfortable financially, we have an annual Summer holiday and sometimes another break, if we budget well. I've never had to say no to a child wanting to do a particular activity due to money and I know for this I am lucky. Dh's brother and wife are really wealthy, two massive salaries and good investments etc. DH gets envious sometimes and i know parents find it a bit tricky too. I honestly have never felt jealous though, I often felt sorry for them. The 2 high pressured incomes, the full time nanny and days going by where one or other didn't even see their kids. Their house is like a mansion, their summer holidays are always 5 star somewhere long haul, clothes are always designer, a bottle of wine is always the most expensive - it all feels excessive to me. When DH sighs and tells me where his brother is off to now, I tell him to cop on and count his blessings. If he had to swap in the morning he wouldn't, our life is easier and less stressful all round. I get where he is coming and if we were poorer and struggling it would be justifiable but not in the position we are in.

OP I don't see that this needs to be handled by the parent at all, DC B needs to get over themselves. Income and wealth is only one measurement of success. B are doing just fine, it would be different if children had additional needs, or anyone had health issues etc. This is a perfect example of comparison being the thief of joy.

@Badanxiety
Is is possible that your children's feelings have been informed by the arguments around the subject rather than the fact that your nephew gets to spend more time with grandma? Is that a topic that children usually discuss?

Growing up, I don't ever remember discussing with any of my cousins how often they visited grandma. We might talk about their going to parks, movies, sporting events, picnics, vacation, etc, but spending the day with grandma was never even close to the hit list. We all loved grandma , but going to grandma's house was just not a hot or remotely frequent topic of conversation.

None of us were making comparisons. She was just grandma who loved us all. We didn't even think in terms of degrees of love with or from grandma.

Personally I agree with DC A about the Grandparent thing. I hate it when Grandchildren miss out on time with their Grandparents because they are too busy providing free childcare for another Child. I doubt 2 Doctors are so hard up they can’t afford nursery fees!!

@Mari9999
what has usually happened is we’ve all gone some where then when it’s time to leave my Dc will ask if they can go to grandmas house and 9 times out of 10 is met with a no but low and behold who is going back with her, my nephew. He has also told the DC on occasions he’s staying over which has also caused my kids crying. In fact it happened last week, she had taken them out for tea and on dropping back my DC my youngest was fuming that my nephew was going back to grandmas and he was told he couldn’t

Deleted post - posted on wrong thread. Apologies

Odfod