To wonder how parents deal with once child being more successful than the other?

[User5512]

Is it hard to not feel sorry for the “poorer” child?

DC A : Got lucky with their first job at a start up, successful exit after 5 yrs. invested wisely and is now a multi millionaire. Great lifestyle, flexible pay, very high paying jobs (C level) etc

DC B: NHS consultant, stressful job, relatively lower pay, very little flexibility. Married to another NHS doctor.

Parents support DC B a lot (childcare mostly) and DC-A gets quite annoyed as they don’t get as much support. They can afford to pay, but you can’t buy grandparents.

DC-B feels left out when DC-A takes parents on exotic holidays with their family, gives them expensive gifts (cars and watches etc)

Parents feel stuck in the middle !

Re childcare, you should be trying to be equal IF you're local enough to.

I'm DC B and live much closer to my parents. Therefore they can do more short childcare than for DC A.

B needs to get a grip. They are neither poor or unsuccessful. They have picked a difficult and challenging profession that won't offer cars and exotic holidays but will be a profession that the parents and sibling A will be proud of.

As a parent I wouldn't offer one child less support than the other. That would be punishing the "richer" child and as you say, you can't buy grandparents. While they may have different circumstances, my love is equal. If I could only offer childcare for one then the doctors might need late night/overnight childcare which may be expensive and difficult to source so I'd be more inclined to help B but not all doctors work those kind of hours.

DC B has no right to make anyone feel guilty about holidays.

Especially if they get free childcare and both NHS consultants

Can I ask people to NOT attribute bad intentions when there are none?

It was probably framed wrongly. It should have read :

“What do patents do it one child is massively wealthier than another”

The parents in question are my aunt and uncle.

You really don’t need to feel sorry for poorer child, they are not poor by any measure. They should stop being envious.

I am child B in my family, good middle class lifestye, my sibling is wealthy as sold his company for millions. Siblings invites DP on luxury holidays and has retired in a huge house with pool. Not envious at all, we have different lifes and sibling is very generous (with presents not money I might add).

What do they do?

Count their blessings and treat them as equally as possible while accepting there will be material differences in their grandchildrens lives.

Yes! It's happiness rather than 'success'.

Parents should be doing childcare for both sides equally. It's not about who can afford it, it's about not favouring one set of grandkids over the other. Child B could presumably go into private practice if they want to be richer, or move to a cheaper area. They can apparently still afford a couple of holidays a year. They are rich compared to most people.

Both DC are not local. Parents go to DC-B’s for all school holidays (except when dc-b’s family are away on a holiday or they take time off)

DC-A has children too.

The issue seems to be that they are both jealous of each other. You can't win either way.

Happiness is success. Anything else is a bit crap. We should all strive to be happy above all else. (Easier said than done etc)

The parents don't need to do anything at all? Treat both the same I would think. Offer whatever childcare they can if they so choose. That's it.

Exactly! Both children make the parents feel bad in different ways.

DC-B is much more successful at doing something meaningful for society.

This is ridiculous, they're both doing well. The grandparents should put up their feet and chill.

Sounds like it's the kids being nobs not the adults.

All their wealth means nothing if they're jealous and always watching to see what the other one has.

Child B is seen as highly valued member member of society and has much respect from public . Does child A make lots of money for a large company ?
All depends how one measures success .

My brother and sister are adopted, I'm not. As a result, any financial gifts are split to the pound, irrespective of wealth. (My brother and I are in totally different financial positions).

My husband's family are the opposite. Both sons went to good unis and have decent jobs but my husband earns a lot more (although my BIL earns a fair amount). My BIL has had hundreds of thousands of pounds spent on him by my in-laws, new cars, houses etc. We're well off but not multi millionaires either.

As I've grown up with it, I guess I'd be more comfortable doing approach A with my own kids but it's the parents' money to give as they see fit.

Re: childcare, you mention that DC-B has little flexibility. Is that part of the reason why the parents offer them more childcare? Maybe DC-A has more scope for taking time off if necessary?

Who cares which “child” is “better” than the other? On whose behalf are you asking this question?

Both are successful. Just in different ways. Shouldn't the parent be more concerned if the children are happy? Success and happiness aren't mutually exclusive.

Money is only one measure of success. Are the children happy?

My family had wildly different household incomes and lifestyles, I honestly don’t see what the problem is.

I’m going to go against the grain and say obviously the ones who are harder up can get a bit more support in the way of childcare if they can give it.

why are you a multimillionaire and still begrudging your sibling support that you can easily afford times over. You get the benefit of GPs on holidays who m sure of a bit of minding/babysitting plus excellent memories for the GC.

more stable/well off siblings begrudging child care or support that they don’t need just because someone else gets it is so silly.

all of that and still so greedy