To wonder how parents deal with once child being more successful than the other?

[User5512]

Is it hard to not feel sorry for the “poorer” child?

DC A : Got lucky with their first job at a start up, successful exit after 5 yrs. invested wisely and is now a multi millionaire. Great lifestyle, flexible pay, very high paying jobs (C level) etc

DC B: NHS consultant, stressful job, relatively lower pay, very little flexibility. Married to another NHS doctor.

Parents support DC B a lot (childcare mostly) and DC-A gets quite annoyed as they don’t get as much support. They can afford to pay, but you can’t buy grandparents.

DC-B feels left out when DC-A takes parents on exotic holidays with their family, gives them expensive gifts (cars and watches etc)

Parents feel stuck in the middle !

My sons are successful, but in different ways, eldest 25, police officer owns own house albeit mortgaged, my middle is 23, fits kitchens bathrooms and loves DIY. I love them both the same, both have different quality. My heart burst with pride when eldest passed out 18months ago. But seeing amazing trades work is also heart warming pride too.

This is bizarre.

Doctors are the most respected and one of the most trusted professions in the UK. To be a leader and expert in this profession is the very defintion of success.

Stealth boast - not very stealthy.
plus, they are adults. Why would parents need to ‘deal’ with it at all?

This.

Sadly I think everyone involved in this scenario is in a very sad state if they can't recognise that they are so so lucky and privileged and wealthy. I feel sorry for you all and, with my Living Wage income I would much rather be me with a family who loved me and where I knew we were all valued for who we are and what we have to give to our communities and society, than you lot who are all valued for what you earn.

Grandparents should help children and grandchildren equally regardless of earnings.

This literally has to be the ultimate first world problem post!!

It must be horrendous going on those exotic holidays!

Indeed. Good grief I’d be bursting with pride if one of my children had what it takes to become an NHS consultant and achieved it. None of them are showing any signs though, and I’m not sure I’d wish the stress on them.

Same for me. My Mum looks after my brother's kids every week and wouldn't do the same for me and makes no effort to make it up in any way. Kids all go to the same school so my kids need to see their Gran picking up their cousins every week and never them. She has a completely different relationship with mine and I don't think I will ever get over the hurt of it all.

Aww, boohoo, your poor little 2nd child only earning 100,000pa...at least, such a shame, how will they cope without handouts from their sibling.

I know, WTF!

Some of us mere mortals live in the real world OP.

Sorry but no. Two NHS consultants are on a high wage. Not millionaire wage but definitely not minimum wage. Would say both children turned out fine and should get on with it.

The time and energy the grandparents spend with the grandkids should have nothing to do with the financial success of the parents. They should strive to treat their grandchildren as equally as possible. This doesn’t seem to be a case of one child living locally to the grandparents, so the grandparents see those kids more often. This also doesn’t seem to be a situation where one child can’t afford childcare for school holidays and the grandparents step in to fill the gap.

From what I see, the grandparents are trying to make up the salary/lifestyle difference between their children by favoring the grandchildren of the child who makes less money. They are fostering jealousy between their children and grandchildren. At some point, DCA and their children may reciprocate the lack of effort and stop inviting them on the exotic vacations, which sound like the only time the grandparents are spending with them.

The grandparents should at least offer to split the school holiday visits between their DC and DGC. Having more money to hire childcare doesn’t replace a visit from grandparents.

Absolutely this! Money is not the only measure or even a measure of success . We just live in a capitalist society where the government want you to think like this. It's very sad.

@Luckyduc true BUT I think people are saying OP needs to gain some perspective. Doctors DO earn more than a lot of us could dream of granted its hard work but still a very good wage. Most people won't compare to a millionaire.

Well done parents on raising successful ambitious kids.

There is clearly sibling rivalry. Do A and B spend time together?

I have siblings who have been supported financially, with childcare, emotionally and I have had zero support. I do not speak with said sibling. My DP are to blame and should have been fairer with parenting.

Perhaps DPs need to be fairer and split time and support equally

As the person t who watches their children receive less Time with their beloved grandparent (sil is helped with school drop of and pick up -including dinner and washing uniforms etc) x5 days per week plus a weekly Saturday sleepover. My children are regularly asking to see grandad but he is exhausted from constant childcare.

treat your kids equally. Even where one seems to be doing slightly better financially it’s time which cannot be replicated

I don’t equate money with success - being an NHS is hopefully a positive, yet exhausting, experience - being part of something that amazing sounds like the definition of success

My sister is wealthy and has a very successful career. I’m comfortable (money wise) and happy and a SAHM. Totally different lives. Why is it a competition? We’re different people! Money isn’t everything. It’s not like DC-B is poor! Sounds like you’re all focused too much on the money. Group therapy?

You lost Je when you said a medical consultant is 'less successful'
All depends on how you measure it frankly

Both kids are successful

A is wealthy, whereas B is comfortable

When they behave like twats the parents just need to say - stop being a twat about your brother

That’s it. No more engagement.

They both sound immature and ungrateful. Also can’t imagine being a multi millionaire and not taking my sibling and family on holidays too

I’m child A in this scenario. I didn’t get lucky, I sacrificed a lot. I got my highly paid jobs because I was careful & didn’t have 2 back to back accidental pregnancies like my DB and Sil & didn’t get locked into a low paid job by a ‘final salary pension’ I didn’t understand like my DS. I chose investments wisely. I married an equal instead of a dependant like my siblings did (DB chose sil specifically because she was gorgeous and low paid, so his career could come first; and then ended up resenting her for it. DS purposely chose a lazy twat because he was rich and she inadvertedly ended up doing everything). I bought a house much smaller than I could afford as we needed to pay for IVF and when that worked it seemed natural to divert our money into nice things for DS like outstanding nurseries and private schools.

It frustrates me that my DP whittles everything down to how much we earn. They will bend backwards to give childcare / do school drop offs for my neices and nephews but when I want it will mess me around so badly I’ve now stopped asking. It has gotten to the stage where DS, who is only 3, has begun to notice - and while yes we can and do pay for childcare. Time with grandparents should be free and provided wholeheartedly.

Um, I think anyone would consider DC B well off and successful. Lol