Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how parents deal with once child being more successful than the other?

331 replies

User5512 · 08/10/2023 18:54

Is it hard to not feel sorry for the “poorer” child?

DC A : Got lucky with their first job at a start up, successful exit after 5 yrs. invested wisely and is now a multi millionaire. Great lifestyle, flexible pay, very high paying jobs (C level) etc

DC B: NHS consultant, stressful job, relatively lower pay, very little flexibility. Married to another NHS doctor.

Parents support DC B a lot (childcare mostly) and DC-A gets quite annoyed as they don’t get as much support. They can afford to pay, but you can’t buy grandparents.

DC-B feels left out when DC-A takes parents on exotic holidays with their family, gives them expensive gifts (cars and watches etc)

Parents feel stuck in the middle !

OP posts:
WaitingfortheTardis · 08/10/2023 18:57

Depends how you measure success really.

Dacadactyl · 08/10/2023 18:58

I think both children need to get over themselves and the parents need to tell them so.

Both A and B are well off (an NHS consultant married to another doctor is in no way hard up), so they need to count their blessings and stop whining to their parents.

My sister is more successful than me (career wise) and she and her husband are much better off than we are. I am pleased for her and my parents would give me short shrift if I was moaning about it to them.

Nomoreclots · 08/10/2023 18:59

You appear to be saying being a Dr is not a success. Is that right?

Droppit · 08/10/2023 18:59

If I were DCA I would want to help my sibling and would probably share my wealth with them. Is this not the case?

I think you should try to spend equal time with your grandchildren.

Both your children are successful and you must be proud of both.

Dacadactyl · 08/10/2023 18:59

Yes, who are you in this scenario OP? The parent or one of the children?

BettyBunMaker · 08/10/2023 19:00

Why is one more successful than the other? Because they have more money? There's more to life you know.

Stompythedinosaur · 08/10/2023 19:01

I wouldn't try to get stuck between them. They are clearly both very successful! Money isn't the only marker of success.

I think offering more support to one dc is wrong - although one of these families may be wealthier, they are clearly both very wealthy and successful families, so dc b hardly needs family childcare to scrap by.

Just don't make a big deal about expensive hols and gifts.

ZenNudist · 08/10/2023 19:02

I can't believe the 2 doctor family is your definition of poor. Jesus.

Nutellaonall · 08/10/2023 19:02

There is me thinking you were gonna say the second one works in a supermarket or something. The second child is successful ffs!

larlypops · 08/10/2023 19:02

My brother is a lot more successful than me and there’s no divide whatsoever.
But if you help out one child it should be done evenly or not at all

Purpleturtle45 · 08/10/2023 19:03

Does DC A have children. If so I can understand why they would be upset at you not offering equal childcare, it's not all about money it's about building a relationship with the Grandchild and if DC B and his partner are both doctors then paying for childcare shouldn't be an issue so you can split your time. You shouldn't get a hard time about the presents and holidays, that's not fair.

TrayBaker · 08/10/2023 19:04

Ha, I am an ‘unsuccessful’ full time NHS consultant. Yes I am paid a lot less than City friends but I am in no way a failure. I have worked really hard, and consider it a privilege to do my job. I have rewarding moments that cannot be measured in terms of money. And have shared my working life with so many interesting and diverse people. Colleagues and patients.

My ‘success’ is not about my bank account. Though I consider myself well-paid anyway.

pointythings · 08/10/2023 19:04

They're both massively successful by any standard and they both need to grow up and not be resentful of one another.

Original poster
User5512 · 08/10/2023 19:04

DC-A would help his sibling if they are in hard circumstances. But no, they won’t be just handing them cash .

DC-B has a comfortable income. In London, it doesn’t go far though. They gave a 3bed semi in zone 5. Kids is great state schools, they have a couple of holidays a year (1 international). Eat out once or twice month etc.

DC-A has a relatively much more wealthier lifestyle. 5 bed detached in a W postcode, kids in great private schools etc.

OP posts:
IHaveAskedYouThriceNow · 08/10/2023 19:05

I’m the least “successful” (obviously this depends on how you define it) in my family, grandchildren are treated equally (by fairly distant grandparents).
Life’s too short for petty jealousy over nicer holidays. Enjoy what you have. Comparison is the thief of joy.

Original poster
User5512 · 08/10/2023 19:05

Nomoreclots · 08/10/2023 18:59

You appear to be saying being a Dr is not a success. Is that right?

Where did I say that?

It’s all relative - isn’t it?

OP posts:
Hercisback · 08/10/2023 19:06

Literally my situation, I'm DC B.

We all rub along fine. A accepts that they can afford stuff, my parents enjoy it. My parents accept I can't afford srruff but pay them back in kind with time for them, sorting stuff out, lifts etc.

Doingmybest12 · 08/10/2023 19:06

I can not believe either could would feel hard done to in this scario. They are all successful and everyone should get over themselves .

Hollyhead · 08/10/2023 19:06

Oh god the poor 2x consultant income family on what at least 150k between them? 😂

You should try and spend equal time with your grandchildren though.

Blanketpolicy · 08/10/2023 19:06

Hope do they deal with it?

They tell them both you are proud of their achievement
They spend time equally with both
They stop comparing
If the siblings have issues between themselves, keep out of it

How are they "stuck in the middle"?

PurpleBananaSmoothie · 08/10/2023 19:06

It sounds like you’re DC-B?

DC-A still worked hard. Luck was on their side with investments but they will still have had to learn how to invest and prepared to take a risk. It also doesn’t mean they didn’t work hard and if they’re C-Level, they still work hard. NHS consultant married to another doctor isn’t poor.

DC-A also don’t have to buy DC-B gifts or take them on holiday. I would never pay for my siblings or DH’s sibling to go on holiday. I might treat our parents as a thank you. Or if they were giving more support to DC-B through childcare, I might do it to make sure my parents had quality time with my kids too.

OlizraWiteomQua · 08/10/2023 19:06

Neither child is on the breadline so neither needs financial help.

Time is precious. If (grand)parents are good people they would want to spend broadly equal time with each of their adult children. It's irrelevant if that time is spent on a luxury holiday with one set, and something more basic with the other. What's important is the time. If they are providing childcare to one family that the other doesn't need then they would still want to spend plenty of (non childcare) time with the other grandchildren.

Sibling B being jealous of A is a bit childish. There are always people richer than you and you have to be ok with that. They ought to know that (unless the grandparents are nastily materialistic) they won't feel that expensive gifts from their richer child are any more meaningful or representing any greater love than a more modest gift from the other.

1988really · 08/10/2023 19:07

My three children are all in the careers that they aimed for. All doing well but youngest earning a lot more than siblings .They are all successful because they have achieved what they all set out to achieve .
If two Dr's are still scrounging off their parents I am actually lost for word !!

Mummadeze · 08/10/2023 19:07

My sister and her husband are multi millionaires, they go on expensive holidays with our parents, and they have benefited from loads of childcare from them due to geography, whereas I have literally had none. I have genuinely never felt in the slightest bit envious. I have chosen a different career that I enjoy and wouldn’t want the long hours and stress they have had to become high flyers. I could have chosen to live closer to my parents but wanted to live in London. I make the most of what I have and don’t see the grass as being greener. Your children should be more grateful for what they have. Not be griping over what they don’t!

Luxell934 · 08/10/2023 19:08

Why on earth would a multimillionaire and a household with two NHS consultant doctor jobs need supporting by parents?

That is baffling to me.