To wonder how parents deal with once child being more successful than the other?

[User5512]

Is it hard to not feel sorry for the “poorer” child?

DC A : Got lucky with their first job at a start up, successful exit after 5 yrs. invested wisely and is now a multi millionaire. Great lifestyle, flexible pay, very high paying jobs (C level) etc

DC B: NHS consultant, stressful job, relatively lower pay, very little flexibility. Married to another NHS doctor.

Parents support DC B a lot (childcare mostly) and DC-A gets quite annoyed as they don’t get as much support. They can afford to pay, but you can’t buy grandparents.

DC-B feels left out when DC-A takes parents on exotic holidays with their family, gives them expensive gifts (cars and watches etc)

Parents feel stuck in the middle !

For goodness sake… they’ve both done really well and neither are clearly on the breadline. They’ve chosen paths that suit them both and both are clearly very successful. This feels like a bragging post

It’s a good job not everyone decides the upsides aren’t worth the downsides, though, or no-one would choose that career.

If no-one did whatever DC-A has done though I suspect we’d all cope…

@Bansheed It’s lovely that you’re so close, but I don’t think that siblings should expect financial gifts from each other in the form of holidays, for example. Helping your sibling out of financial difficulties is one thing, but don’t actually expect extras. If they’re given freely, great, but surely no one should resent their siblings’ success and just expect a slice of it?

DH is one of four and they’re all successful, but no one expects anything material from each other.

FFS in what world does a consultant and a dr qualify as less successful and need a handout from a sibling. They’ll be on at least £150k between them and have the security of a good pension. Surely a consultant in London has the option to do private work unless they’re A&E or acute medicine. If they are and money is so impartant to them they should have chosen a different speciality were they could earn a small fortune. Sorry, no sympathy

I would rather my family take care of my kids than paid help and I assume that with A it’s less about childcare and more about wanting their kids to spend time with their grandparents.

So I can see where A is coming from.

B are both doctors and can also afford childcare.
They just have less income than A.

If I was the grandparents I would try and make seeing the grandchildren more equally.
Why can’t A&B both pay for childcare and the grandparents just see their grandchildren on the weekends.

Do you need another sibling? 😁😁

I would be proud of both if they were my children. However, B needs to get a grip!

Wow if only I had this issue in the future with my two dc, one has money/business acumen and the other the ability to save lives...chances are slim, but I can dream 😁.

This is MN peak, where an NHS consultant needs a lot of parental support and isn't considered "doing well". I thought the OP was going to be about a child with SEN who couldn't pass GCSE's against a high achieving sibling.

DH is the less successful sibling in his family AND his sibling gets all the childcare (his parents look after his brother’s kids a few times a week and have looked after ours twice in ten years).

I don’t resent the fact that they get free childcare and we don’t, I resent the fact that DH’s parents do nothing to redress the balance. They don’t visit us more often, they don’t ask to take the kids out for the day, they don’t even make more of an effort to talk to/play with our kids when we’re all together but instead ignore them in favour of BIL’s kids because they know them better.

As others have said, it sounds like it’s the time and attention one set of grandchildren is getting that’s the problem here, not the level of “support”.

@FlippyFloppyShoe Yes, I’d be delighted if my two did so well.

I’m struggling to understand how a doctor is less successful than someone who got lucky joining the right startup at the right time. What do you mean by ‘successful’?

Just what I was thinking.

You say that like working in a supermarket is beneath you. @Nutellaonall

^^This! Both children are highly successful.

Only on Mumsnet is wealth the single measure of a successful life.

Fgs how about the lot of you grow up, and realise that you are all well off beyond most people’s dreams. Pathetic.

DC-B feels left out when DC-A takes parents on exotic holidays with their family, gives them expensive gifts (cars and watches etc)

@BCCoach It sounds as if DC-B wants DC-A to share their “success” with them-they want some of the ££££!

I can see the dilemma because a Consultant is stressful well paid for a lot of hours and if partner is a Doctor also it is mayhem. Raising kids too.

If my sibling was a millionaire I would take then on holiday too. Don't your DC do this??

Why is a millionaire moaning about childcare they can pay for?

An NHS consultant and his doctor wife can't exactly be on the bare bones of their rear end. OP maybe you can arrange some voluntary work for them in a soup kitchen or homeless shelter to make them realize that their situation isn't that bad?

2x doctor family is not poor. I get the jealousy and perceived favouritism but sounds to me both adult DC are successful

I understand that working in the NHS it is literally one the most stress, draining but rewarding jobs a person can get.

be proud of both of them!

You all sound unbearable.

I don’t think that’s necessarily the case - maybe more that DC-B feels bad that they can’t give their parents what DC-A can. I know when my brother took my parents on holiday some years back I genuinely didn’t resent not being included (wasn’t my idea of a fun holiday!) but I did feel guilty that I’d never be able to offer my parents anything similar.

@milkywinterdisorder Perhaps, everyone’s different. My DH is taking his parents away soon and I don’t think his siblings feel guilty about it, they’re pleased that their parents are going on a nice trip. 🤷

An NHS consultant??? This has got to be a joke. 🤣bloody hell.