To wonder how parents deal with once child being more successful than the other?

[User5512]

Is it hard to not feel sorry for the “poorer” child?

DC A : Got lucky with their first job at a start up, successful exit after 5 yrs. invested wisely and is now a multi millionaire. Great lifestyle, flexible pay, very high paying jobs (C level) etc

DC B: NHS consultant, stressful job, relatively lower pay, very little flexibility. Married to another NHS doctor.

Parents support DC B a lot (childcare mostly) and DC-A gets quite annoyed as they don’t get as much support. They can afford to pay, but you can’t buy grandparents.

DC-B feels left out when DC-A takes parents on exotic holidays with their family, gives them expensive gifts (cars and watches etc)

Parents feel stuck in the middle !

I mean an nhs consultant has a basic pay of over 90K at least.

Are you from a super wealthy family yourself? Personally this feels like the more successful job to me. What an incredible career.

I guess there is some sort of back story about why 2 successful siblings are still competing and are jealous of each other and for parental attention. Also why parents are unsure about what is right or fair. Can you shed any light on this OP?

Ha! My parents live a lot closer to my brother (same small town) so they do a lot of childcare for them, go on holiday with them, etc. BUT, I am much happier living without the constant 'knowing my business' and interfering/commenting parts of that kind of deal, so I happily live 300 miles away with no free childcare, but plenty of freedom of choice...

Comparison is the thief of joy 😊

@HamBone I wasn’t not pleased for my parents - they had a great time and I was happy for them - but decades of being the less-impressive child can make you feel pretty rubbish about yourself in general.

Absolutely hilarious that you don't see being a consultant as a success, OP. You have some really high standards right there. Or is money everything in your part of the world?

Well they are both rather selfish and unpleasant.

I think maybe your aunt and uncle should focus on treating all their grandchildren equally in terms of time spent with them, and thoughtful Christmas and birthday presents (which need not be expensive) and sadly accept that their own adult children won't magically become nicer and there's nothing they can do about that, but should stop feeling guilty because the sniping resentment and blaming is what's causing the bad feeling, and that's not their fault

🙄🙄🙄

I'm very confused. DC B seems very clearly more successful in the sense of doing something meaningful for society while DC A just has more money, which doesn't matter too much past a certain level, and isn't as impressive, but I think I'm supposed to feel the opposite .... ?

The grandparents should be equally available to both families. It doesn't sound like either family couldn't scrape the cash together for childcare so that's not really an issue.

@tiredinoratia 100% agree with you. I feel like I must live on a different planet to the OP. How sad that working in the NHS is seen as lesser than just making as much money as you can.

Doesn't make any diiference does it?
My DH earned £750k last year. His siblings don't know that or his parents and why would they?

Neither child is poor so parents should treat them equally. Money not an issue, just need to give equal time and childcare.

TBF OP did update the thread to say it should have been titled “one child is much wealthier than the other”.

My aunt and uncle

You're just a random cousin posting for a bitch? Why?!!!

Both those families are incredibly successful. If the doctor pair wanted to earn more money they easily could, but taking their degrees into finance or moving to Dubai or any number of things. They all need to grow up

Is DC B male or female?

You say 'NHS consultant' like you shouldn't be ashamed @TrayBaker as a lowly band 6 I'm writing this from the GUTTER OF SORROW!

No wonder DCB is annoyed. If one of my siblings was a multi-millionaire I would fully expect them to take me and my family along with our parents on a family holiday. Not because I’m entitled but because I would definitely do it for them - we are family after all. DCA being annoyed about childcare is ridiculous. Grandparents are great but with nurseries, children get so much more learning out of it. They obviously have lots of money and even though DCB has a good job, it is nowhere near on the scale of DCA so therefore you are right to provide more childcare for DCB. Sounds like the problem is DCA and you need to spell this out to him.

Ha ha, yes, I was expecting a DC C!!

I think the biggest problem is that you have brought up 2 children who don’t understand how privileged they are ! Do they understand how the real world lives ?

Do the siblings not get on? Feels like that is more of the issue if the parents feel stuck in the middle.

Most people that feel that way between their children are more upset about the fact that the siblings are so far apart.

Personally if my sibling was super successful, I would be happy for them. Then again my family are pretty close.

Too be fair
I earned more working in a supermarket than I did as a primary head teacher.

Humble brag

And why is this any of your business? I might help the person working irregular hours more because it can be really difficult to get childcare cover for that. I'd be happy to spend time with other grandchildren, whether on expensive holidays or not.

I value a carefully chosen present more than cash. Havent managed to teach my child that, not for the lack of trying. I dont see everything my child does, or doesnt do, as my responsibility though.

I think you should all reflect and appreciate your good fortune in that choices and nice lifestyles are open to you and your children. Wealthy and healthy, you’re creating your own problems. If yo get a hard time from your children, tell them you don’t want to hear whining from privileged people with lovely lives when there is so much distress in the world.

Oh god, I thought DC 2 was someone who never left their bedroom, couldn't get a job and never left home!