Friend misconstrued what I said and screamed at me in front of lots of people

[UnIucky]

Apologies, I expect this is going to be long but I just need to get it all out. Not sure what I’m asking either.

I was attending a get together at a friends house last night. It was a mix of friends and people I also know professionally, including future colleagues at a new job I’m starting in a couple of weeks (small industry where everyone knows each other).

I was engaging in conversation with a group of them when the topic turned to celebrities and fashion which I have zero interest in. They started discussing plus size models and “cankles” (which I had never even heard of) at which point I decided to leave and get a drinks refill.

At the same time one of my long standing friends “Sarah” came up to the group and gave me a look that told me she wanted to join the conversation. Knowing she knew I hated all things celeb and fashion related I jokingly/slightly exasperatedly said “They’re talking about plus sized models and cankles. I think it’s my cue to get a refill”.

When I came out from refilling my drink Sarah stormed across the room towards me and started screaming at me. Everyone went completely silent and started watching us. I had no idea what was going on as she started yelling at me calling me all kinds of names under the sun.

Then it dawned on me she had misheard what I had said. She thought I said “talking of plus sized models and cankles” as she walked up to us. She assumed I was referring to her and that I had mockingly laughed at her as I left. She had then asked the other women to confirm what we had been talking about before confronting me (they say they didn’t hear our exchange at all).

I stayed very calm and tried to explain but she wouldn’t let me get a word in. She just kept screaming and telling me to shut my mouth. Eventually she broke down crying. Everyone rallied around her and started comforting her. I also was trying not to cry as nothing like this has ever happened to me before. I felt awful for her, upset she genuinely thought I’d say something like that and humiliated I’d been screamed at in front of so many people. I again tried to give my version of events but nobody really took notice. I tried to explain that:

1. I never said what she thought I said and never would;
2. I told them what I actually said;
3. Even if I had said it, it wouldn’t make any sense as she is tiny and very skinny. I on the other hand had surgery on my thyroid a few months ago and have put on nearly 3 dress sizes since so I am very sensitive about my weight. I’d never mock someone for their weight, ever.

Shortly thereafter I apologised to the host and left. One of mine and Sarah’s mutual friends “Annie” gave me a call and said she believed me and understood my version of events. Annie said she’d talk with Sarah to try and explain. She messaged me again this morning and has been very kind. She is still talking things over with Sarah. I’ve also messaged the host apologising again and gave a brief explanation of what actually happened.

I’ve got no idea what to do now. I feel so humiliated especially that some of my colleagues and future colleagues were there. What if they now think I’m some kind of nasty, shallow backstabber?

Sarah does have a bit of a reputation for being a hot head so her yelling isn’t really out of character but this was proper screaming (I’ve seen her get into a yelling match with her boyfriend in public a couple of times). It’s like we are teenagers in some kind of school drama.

What on earth can I do to salvage this situation?

Others won’t be reaching out because they will be wanting to avoid any drama. I’ve seen it happen many times in work circles and everyone else does go quiet when it kicks off. They will all be thinking that your friend had lost it though, and will probably want to keep their distance from her to avoid becoming future screaming targets. Tell people you are close to the full story, and if anyone asks. But mainly, just carry on as normal and avoid that woman from now on. I’m sure she heard your version and will be thinking on it, probably feels very silly by now. But sounds the type to be too stubborn to ever admit that and apologise.

I'm pleased you're feeling better about this now OP.
In short, you did nothing wrong. You've explained what happened. She needs to majorly apologise to you (but she wont). Drop her forever and move on.
The people who ralied around her and fuled her drama sound like cocks too. Clearly you didn't say what she accused you of, and they would have known that as it makes no sense due to her body shape.
Annie sounds alright.
Good luck with the new job-just laugh off this incident if they bring it up.

Yeah this is one of those times that you need to just hold your head up high and know you didn’t do anything wrong. It sounds like Annie got the whole story and it will certainly come out in the wash that Sarah went off the deep end unwarranted. I’m assuming you don’t have form for insulting people… others will eventually get to thinking ‘wait that doesn’t seem like something Unlucky would say/do’.

If it comes up again by anyone including Sarah. Just shrug and say something along the lines of ‘hmm… maybe Sarah needs to get the facts before attacking people…’

If I’m honest I probably would be very tempted to message her her with a very passive aggressive “you alright hun? You made some awfully big leaps to false conclusions last night and really made an ass of yourself. Next time get your facts straight before starting a rant…but whatever”. I wouldn’t do it though because I have zero tolerance for drama.

People won’t be talking about you.. They will be talking about the unhinged nutjob who launched into a screaming match out of nowhere.

Honestly I would probably actually ghost her at this point.

Hi Sarah👋

Time to have a slightly removed friendship with Sarah, if at all. To do this at a party with future business associates is unacceptable to me. I doubt your new job standing will be ruined by this, just move forward as though nothing happened.

How awful for you, OP. Try and put it behind you and carry on.

but. Stay away from Sarah as much as possible, especially don't be alone with her. And if she apologies? In your shoes I'd say "thank you for your apology, I won't be accepting it because it was awful behaviour in front of a lot of people who aren't here to see/hear this apology." and then move on.

She’s sounds like an attention seeking drama queen! If ignore it and forget it happened!

I think you've handled the whole situation with as much dignity as possible.

Your friends behaviour was shocking, reasonable adults to not conduct themselves that way.

I understand why you feel humiliated but it's a really your friend who should feel ashamed of her behaviour.

I would do nothing and I certainly wouldn't apologise to Sarah. Should she be big enough to offer her own apology I would accept with grace and then distance myself from her. No one needs such an unpredictable person in their life.

She owes the whole party an apology for creating such a scene.

If anyone else asks I think I would maintain my dignity and simply say Sarah misunderstood something you said and you are disappointed by how she dealt with it.

She owes you a massive, grovelling apology and unless you get it I wouldn't be in her company.

That sounds really horrible OP, let us know how things pan out with Sarah. I hope she apologised to you. She obviously has some unresolved issues.

Don’t message this woman. She embarrassed you infront of colleagues and owes you a massive apology. Her reaction was ridiculous, particularly as she’s slim with no cankles, or whatever they call it!!

I would be furious with her.

@M4J4
Thank you 😊
Never heard it before!

You did nothing wrong, so I’d stop apologising and leave it as it is. And Sarah would be an ex-friend, even if she came up with an apology.

Do not speak to Sarah again. Do not apologise for her mistake.
You steer clear of her hold your head up high

Your friend sounds nuts op,
I have a friend like this. I give her a very wide berth.
Nightmare.

If anyone mentions it you could say something like:

"ah yes that was all a bit awkward wasn't it? Sarah decided I had said something completely offensive when I completely hadn't. She wouldn't hear otherwise. Very strange."

Avoid her st all costs she sounds crazy. For her to do that in a room full of people is just not on. She's def not ur friend so sack her and the shit she drags along with her. Anyone asks just say yes didn't know what to do she's totally unhinged isn't she. Watch how many agree .

You sound delightful!

She sounds assertive, whereas you’re passive aggressive.

What for standing up to Sarah's shitty attention seeking drama? What's better? Apologising to Sarah that she heard wrong lyrics? Definitely not!