Friend misconstrued what I said and screamed at me in front of lots of people

[UnIucky]

Apologies, I expect this is going to be long but I just need to get it all out. Not sure what I’m asking either.

I was attending a get together at a friends house last night. It was a mix of friends and people I also know professionally, including future colleagues at a new job I’m starting in a couple of weeks (small industry where everyone knows each other).

I was engaging in conversation with a group of them when the topic turned to celebrities and fashion which I have zero interest in. They started discussing plus size models and “cankles” (which I had never even heard of) at which point I decided to leave and get a drinks refill.

At the same time one of my long standing friends “Sarah” came up to the group and gave me a look that told me she wanted to join the conversation. Knowing she knew I hated all things celeb and fashion related I jokingly/slightly exasperatedly said “They’re talking about plus sized models and cankles. I think it’s my cue to get a refill”.

When I came out from refilling my drink Sarah stormed across the room towards me and started screaming at me. Everyone went completely silent and started watching us. I had no idea what was going on as she started yelling at me calling me all kinds of names under the sun.

Then it dawned on me she had misheard what I had said. She thought I said “talking of plus sized models and cankles” as she walked up to us. She assumed I was referring to her and that I had mockingly laughed at her as I left. She had then asked the other women to confirm what we had been talking about before confronting me (they say they didn’t hear our exchange at all).

I stayed very calm and tried to explain but she wouldn’t let me get a word in. She just kept screaming and telling me to shut my mouth. Eventually she broke down crying. Everyone rallied around her and started comforting her. I also was trying not to cry as nothing like this has ever happened to me before. I felt awful for her, upset she genuinely thought I’d say something like that and humiliated I’d been screamed at in front of so many people. I again tried to give my version of events but nobody really took notice. I tried to explain that:

1. I never said what she thought I said and never would;
2. I told them what I actually said;
3. Even if I had said it, it wouldn’t make any sense as she is tiny and very skinny. I on the other hand had surgery on my thyroid a few months ago and have put on nearly 3 dress sizes since so I am very sensitive about my weight. I’d never mock someone for their weight, ever.

Shortly thereafter I apologised to the host and left. One of mine and Sarah’s mutual friends “Annie” gave me a call and said she believed me and understood my version of events. Annie said she’d talk with Sarah to try and explain. She messaged me again this morning and has been very kind. She is still talking things over with Sarah. I’ve also messaged the host apologising again and gave a brief explanation of what actually happened.

I’ve got no idea what to do now. I feel so humiliated especially that some of my colleagues and future colleagues were there. What if they now think I’m some kind of nasty, shallow backstabber?

Sarah does have a bit of a reputation for being a hot head so her yelling isn’t really out of character but this was proper screaming (I’ve seen her get into a yelling match with her boyfriend in public a couple of times). It’s like we are teenagers in some kind of school drama.

What on earth can I do to salvage this situation?

No, don't message her. I had someone yell at me like that once, completely threw me and I was upset for ages. It still rankles years later tbh. I just look over her shoulder in a vague manner now if our paths cross, it's unforgivable when people act like that but you need to just rise above it if you can x

I don't get it, is she a model that's overweight? If not why would you be referring to her in that anyway??

Definitely don’t send one of these long winded MN texts.

You should be telling Sarah to go fuck herself.

I agree with everyone saying really don’t message her. It doesn’t, in fact, matter at all how clear or reasonable your message might be — it would just be used as something else to feed into her narrative of you ‘upsetting her’.

She sounds batshit. It’s not clear what set her off. You can’t reason with that kind of madness, so just avoid her in future.

Screaming is not normal, if I’d misheard you I’d be offended and say ‘I’m sorry? What did you say?’ as I’d hope I misheard. Out of order behaviour from Sarah.

definitely don't msg her. just ignore

Well she's made herself look like a complete idiot.
Why are you not fuming about how she treated you? Take back some power for yourself and stop simpering about it to people.
I wouldn't message her, I wouldn't give her the time of day at this point!
I think it is highly unlikely that people will believe a larger person had a go about a tiny person having 'cankles', anyone that hears about the whole charade will work out for themselves who the problem was.....spoiler it's not you OP.

Don’t message her, OP. You’re the one who should be angry.

Do you have a very robotic monotone voice (like a recorded message from a machine)?
Because the intonation on
They're talking about lardarses (which is why I've left the conversation)
And
Talking of lardarses (up you pop) is very very different and it would be virtually impossible to misunderstand.

I'm going for a "did she aye" response.

In the words of Candace Owens, she needs to wear a helmet before she leaves her house if she's so sensitive. She sounds like a nightmare. You didn't do anything wrong at all, OP.

You don't need to do anything here except stop being friends with Sarah.
Even if she misunderstand what you said and was upset, she should have known to handle herself better given that she was part of a work-related party. She should have known that her behaviour could have ramifications for you later.
What she has done has gone past just shouting at you (which is abusive in itself); she's made you look a fool at work which is unacceptable from someone who is supposed to care for you.

@Thoughtful2355 read the OP again. The reactive woman totally misconstrued what the OP said, which was along the lines of “those guys started talking about models and cankles which was my cue to leave!” I.e. the topic didn’t interest her/was awkward.

Yeah, you're the one deserving of an apology here. You've done nothing wrong and people will have seen (and rightly judged) Sarah's behaviour here, not yours.

@AtrociousCircumstance

"She thought I said “talking of plus sized models and cankles” as she walked up to us."

Now read what I said.

Even if you had said about plus size models and cankles, excusing yourself to leave would be fine??? I don't get her point.

People like Sarah will go out of their way to find a reason to “misunderstand” what’s been said purely for attention. Or perhaps she’s insecure and possessive and wants to make OP look bad in front of her colleagues because they can’t bear any self-perceived competition. Either way Sarah needs to have a quiet word with herself because she’s made a shit show of herself and spoiled people’s evenings for no good reason.

@AtrociousCircumstance talking of means like

Oh here she comes the one were talkin about, the model with the candles

" talking of the scientist with the big head" .. in comes the scientist with the big head, you get it? Yet it wouldnt make sense if someone said that and the scientist wasn't a scientist at all but a .. plumber... would it.

So why would it have related to her anyway unless she was a model with cankles.

Don't worry. You have explained. Word will get around. People who know you will ask about what happened and will be told. Don't do anything else. If anyone approaches you, repeat what you have already said.

The thing is, people as unstable as Sarah obviously is can't help themselves. She'll do something crazy to someone else.

People aren't dumb. Even now, when some of them might not have seen her behave this way, they'll understand how weird her behaviour was.

@Thoughtful2355 The OP made it clear that she wasn’t plus size/didn’t have cankles.

What I would do is never socialise with her again, and if it’s raised again among other friends or colleagues just laugh it off as a misunderstanding as the friend had had a few too many shandies.

If I were you I'd be furious at her behaviour and deeply offended at her appallingly low opinion of you.

@AtrociousCircumstance exactly!!! But I'm not talking about the OP I'm talking about why she would have thought it was her then!! Like it makes no sense does it ?? Why would you think someone was talking about you when referring to plus size models and cankles .. if you were neither a model nor a plus size or had cankles

If you are tempted to communicate with her, I’d boil it way down on the previous suggestions.
”What was last night about? You were a total dickhead, and unless I get an apology I don’t want to hear from you again.”