Friend misconstrued what I said and screamed at me in front of lots of people

[UnIucky]

Apologies, I expect this is going to be long but I just need to get it all out. Not sure what I’m asking either.

I was attending a get together at a friends house last night. It was a mix of friends and people I also know professionally, including future colleagues at a new job I’m starting in a couple of weeks (small industry where everyone knows each other).

I was engaging in conversation with a group of them when the topic turned to celebrities and fashion which I have zero interest in. They started discussing plus size models and “cankles” (which I had never even heard of) at which point I decided to leave and get a drinks refill.

At the same time one of my long standing friends “Sarah” came up to the group and gave me a look that told me she wanted to join the conversation. Knowing she knew I hated all things celeb and fashion related I jokingly/slightly exasperatedly said “They’re talking about plus sized models and cankles. I think it’s my cue to get a refill”.

When I came out from refilling my drink Sarah stormed across the room towards me and started screaming at me. Everyone went completely silent and started watching us. I had no idea what was going on as she started yelling at me calling me all kinds of names under the sun.

Then it dawned on me she had misheard what I had said. She thought I said “talking of plus sized models and cankles” as she walked up to us. She assumed I was referring to her and that I had mockingly laughed at her as I left. She had then asked the other women to confirm what we had been talking about before confronting me (they say they didn’t hear our exchange at all).

I stayed very calm and tried to explain but she wouldn’t let me get a word in. She just kept screaming and telling me to shut my mouth. Eventually she broke down crying. Everyone rallied around her and started comforting her. I also was trying not to cry as nothing like this has ever happened to me before. I felt awful for her, upset she genuinely thought I’d say something like that and humiliated I’d been screamed at in front of so many people. I again tried to give my version of events but nobody really took notice. I tried to explain that:

1. I never said what she thought I said and never would;
2. I told them what I actually said;
3. Even if I had said it, it wouldn’t make any sense as she is tiny and very skinny. I on the other hand had surgery on my thyroid a few months ago and have put on nearly 3 dress sizes since so I am very sensitive about my weight. I’d never mock someone for their weight, ever.

Shortly thereafter I apologised to the host and left. One of mine and Sarah’s mutual friends “Annie” gave me a call and said she believed me and understood my version of events. Annie said she’d talk with Sarah to try and explain. She messaged me again this morning and has been very kind. She is still talking things over with Sarah. I’ve also messaged the host apologising again and gave a brief explanation of what actually happened.

I’ve got no idea what to do now. I feel so humiliated especially that some of my colleagues and future colleagues were there. What if they now think I’m some kind of nasty, shallow backstabber?

Sarah does have a bit of a reputation for being a hot head so her yelling isn’t really out of character but this was proper screaming (I’ve seen her get into a yelling match with her boyfriend in public a couple of times). It’s like we are teenagers in some kind of school drama.

What on earth can I do to salvage this situation?

She has embarrassed herself. I’d leave it and move on with your life - without her. I wouldn’t be friends with Sarah anymore. Even if she apologises, I’d keep it very cool with her and avoid her wherever possible. She sounds deranged. Even if you had said something that nasty to her, screaming and crying like that and ruining the get together for everyone shows her to be quite odd and unstable. Avoid.

A good friend would never turn on you and scream at you like that, she sounds like she has some mental health issues or is a massively angry person.

I would make sure (somehow) that everyone knew your version of events,

I would text her in a couple of days again explaining what happened and ask her if she is OK ( this puts the blame rightly on her). She may or may not respond but I would be distancing myself from her going forward.

She sounds like a bit of a bully

She sounds absolutely pathetic

try to forget about it

I'm sorry I can't read all that. What is it with ridiculous long posts nowadays?

How on earth do you get that out of a post the whole point of which is that OP decided to leave a conversation where other people were talking about plus sized people?

Oh fuck off. Read op’s post.

Your friend tried to turn an entire party full of people against you. Do not apologize or pander to her. I absolutely would not be anything other than passably polite to her again. People can't get on like that.

If your attention span doesn't allow you to cope with a few short paragraphs, why not just move on? Why show yourself up by complaining about it?

Is she on something? People like her are dangerous. Stay well away.

Don't message her, you are just feeding her drama in doing so. I disagree that everyone will see you as the victim, though. The Sarah types are seasoned performers who know how to garner sympathy, even when they are acting like the devil. So keep calm and don't engage further on the matter with anyone. Stay away from Sarah, don't engage any further on the matter with others in her circle. If asked, say you don't know what her problem was, and refuse to be drawn on it. If your future colleagues mention it, say the same. Change the subject to work or other things.

Aah, too much text for you dear?

This! I am plus size and didn’t take that from OP at all.

also OP not sure what discussion Annie needs to have with Sarah other than tell her she’s fucking pathetic, needs to grow up and owes you an apology!

It will be Sarah's appalling behaviour that's remembered, not yours.

This is Sarah's responsibility. You've done all you could be expected to do and have been wrongly accused. Being hot headed is no excuse - Sarah needs to engage her frontal lobe.

What an excellent demonstration of how halfwits can misunderstand a conversation when they blunder in to it.

Sarah sounds like a manipulative drama queen. Even if you had said what she thought you said, no normal perosn would shout and scream like that. She's really embarrassed herself. I'd drop her like a hot potato tbh.

I think it ultimately boils down to a misunderstanding and her overreacting. If you know she’s a hot head, you should already know to walk on eggshells not to poke the beast, so maybe it’s time to rethink your friendship with her.

Nooo! It's NEVER someone else's responsibility to manage someone else not kicking off!

If I witnessed this I would honestly think Sarah was very odd and maybe had a drink problem. I would sorry for you and after the event I honestly wouldn't think of it again.

I've picked one of your posts at random @ZenNudist.

Here it is

ZenNudist · 13/09/2017 23:16
A school mum i am friendly with has asked to drop her ds (Adam) at my house early morning and i take him to breakfast club with my ds. Its only for a couple of days. I will have a nursery run to do first before dropping the kids at school.

Im already on a knife edge timing to get my two into nursery and school. Traffic is awful and if im not away from the school dead on time then i miss out on parking in car park at work and have to park miles away. Lateness ensues and difficulty getting away at days end.

My dc are silly and act up but i have a good morning routine so im not always late.

Now the problem, Adam and my ds1 are really silly when together. Adam has form for not doing anything I ask. Ds2 is also going to be harder to handle than usual as he will think its party time. Im worried its going to be a nightmare.

Im going to have to get them all into and out of the car twice and nursery have a really complicated dropping off process that is a real PITA and I'm worried i will end up with the older two running riot in nursery and then being difficult/ impossible to get back in the car.

How do i get Adam and my ds to behave?

Any tips about discipline for other people's dc?

Any tactful way to ask my friend to warn her ds beforehand to behave?

My own ds i can handle but before now Adam has run Amok in a shop whilst i was minding him and I was only shopping as a favour to his mum. Also he has flatly refused to leave my house before now so dont know what i do if he digs his heels in.

My friend has no idea how badly Adam behaved last time I had him round. Since then I ve got dh to handle the play dates as hes better at it than me.

Help much appreciated 😔😔😔

Sarah sounds cray cray

I used to rent a room in a house. There was a young couple in the room adjacent to mine. They would occasionally fall out. The male was always the calm voice the female would screech yell throw things like something possessed. Obviously I didn't know the triggers so who knows but on one occasion he left the room after a mega screaming match from her. I met her on the landing about 2 minutes later and she was totally composed and smiling. For me it was a lesson on 'attention seeking behaviour....maybe your friend is of the same ilk.

Yeah Sarah does!

Was thinking that most people who know both of you would presumably see that you've been on friendly terms ie no big history of a beef. So to kick off like that over a presumed one liner would def been seen as a massive and unexpected over reaction.

I was also wondering what the group of people you left - the ones who were really chortling over plus sized models and cankles - felt on witnessing that display.

I think they must have just been feeling that they were glad they weren't you and keeping their heads down in case she started on them next.

Is there any chance she could have overheard them? No justification tho, even if she did.

.

Sarah’s issues are her own. Do not engage with it any further. Tell your other friend to leave it alone, you didn’t do anything wrong. No true friend would scream at you in front of an audience. Even if she misheard a friend would wait to speak to you about it in private.

Sarah sounds .mental.